I was contemplating getting my pacemaker function shut off, as my life is so exciting that I really don’t need it to keep my heart rate up. This morning was particularly hectic in my normally mundane life. I had a 7:00am appointment at the Veterinarian's office across town to drop off TG, our new kitten for a surgical procedure. This necessitated me kicking it in high gear and getting my morning tasks completed before heading out with the baby for our appointment.

5am, my lovely bride and I scurry to feed the zoo and get out the door for our morning walk with the dogs. It's times like this I'm thankful both Bernie and Jazzie are enthusiastic about the morning exercise as I could easily forgo the process and justify it in my mind as being too time consuming.

This morning, I got Bernie as my companion, and he decided that every bush on our 2 mile jaunt needed watering, but, he more than made up for the slow progress when he spotted some quail, and we were off to the races. Picture this powerful dog running through prickly pear cactus and sage brush while dragging an old man, prone behind at the end of his leash. I ate enough dirt and cactus for a week, say anybodyt know how much sodium is in that meal? Not pretty. As we approach the last leg of our journey, I'm usually thankful both dogs are powerful and can drag my drooping behind up the final vertical incline to our house.

A quick trip through the house emptying trash cans and litter boxes, then into the shower to scrape off the crud and dust that tends to accumulate on old immobile objects, not to mention the cactus spines and stickers that I collected thanks to Bernie. Time is flying by and I need to rush, so I hop out of the shower stall and into a pair of jeans...great button fly, the worst enemy of a man with arthritis on diuretics. A quick kiss for the wife, place the little guy into a cat carrier, and off we go to the Vet.

As I'm driving, TG decided he's had it and wants out of the carrier. No breakfast, no water, and now he's locked in a cardboard cat carrier that surely means he's headed to the dreaded place where the lady with cold anal probe awaits. Believe it or not, her name is Doctor Cold Finger. TG may be young, but he knows by now this ain't good news for him. Dad on the other hand is excited about getting TG declawed. That'll allow the wounds on me to heal and stop leaking my life force out all over the house.

TG, Tough Guy, was aptly named. He decided he was making a break for it, and struggled mightily to escape his prison, as I held the cardboard lid closed and fought back with one hand while shifting gears and steering in rush hour traffic. Thankful there were no police patrolling the area, I just got a speeding ticket.

Finally, I thought, what am I doing. I can let him out and just recapture him when we get to the vet's office. Big Mistake!
He made ample use of those claws, and climbed up on my shoulders while gripping with those razor sharp prongs. As I felt more blood gushing out, I grabbed the wayward child and held him in my lap. He settled down and lay quietly, lulling me into complacent behavior. When I dropped my guard, he jumped down and began operating the brake and gas peddles simultaneously, until I finally pulled over and re-imprisoned the scamp.

We arrived at the Vet with minimal further incidents and I gratefully breathed a bit of relief. I'm embarrassed to admit that as I drove home, I was shall we say celebrating that tomorrow when I picked up TG he would be unarmed, and my wounds could finally begin healing. Yes, I know the procedure will be somewhat painful and stressful for the little guy, but still...

Then, like whiffing a silent fart, the reality hit me. No way my heart could stop beating with my life. I can get my pacer function shut down. Come to think of it, even if wrong and I don't survive, looking at my life, I win.

 

 

I need your wit, humor and daily life excerpts to help me through the "working stiff" Monday!!!

Thanks for the smile.
We have one old, scrawny cat. He looks mal nourished and spends a lot of time outside. But because he stays out, we didn't feel we could get him declawed. But he is a lot of fun and keeps us smiling too.

Have a great week, and keep that energizer bunny for a while longer!!

Cherell

 

Hey Patch,

You know, I had as sneaky feeling you were funning us all along. Hell, anybody that can do all that in one week, let alone in one day, can't need anything but a job.

But we are all glad you were able to do it and thencould tell us about it.

You be careful out there now.

Smitty

 

You make me smile. You make me laugh.

You always "make" my day and for that....

I Thank you.

Pookie
xo

 

Oh, that made me smile! I'll surely think of you tomorrow when I attempt to catch 2 of our 6 cats to get them in their carriers and off the vet for a check-up. It is always an aerobic workout!