Hey all-
I need some advice/support...
I'm 24 and have had my pacemaker for almost 2 years (implant 01/05/07). I received it due to syncopal episodes (numerous tilt table tests with heart "pauses" of 30-56 seconds...). In the past year I've had a number of complications. They found a small aortic aneurysm and repaired it, pacing has been making me nauseous, an infected lead landing me in the ICU, and had a lead replacement to name a few...
This last year, I also lost three family members (aunt, uncle, cousin) in a car accident, adding stress and an emotional roller coaster that I can't even describe (which the doctors think contributed a lot to the pacemaker issues).
Anyways, I'm in my second and final year of grad school and have been told by my advisor that it would be be best to drop a few classes and take a lower course load to decrease my amount of stress (making me stay in school for another year). I've told her no, but she basically insists and is requiring a note from my physician to continue classes this fall. Isn't this illegal or something? I dont want to be defined by my heart issues and pacemaker, I work very hard to live as normal a life as possible and am struggling with this a lot right now. It seems as though this makes people look at me differently when it shouldn't.
Sorry to tell my life story, but I've been on here quite a bit and know that people on here are truly genuine and care about the others. I want to join the family. :)
Any advice would be great.
Thanks.

 

 

Hi,
First of all it is very important, pacemaker or not, to come to terms with the understandable emotions and stress you are feeling. It can really upset the hearts rhythm functions as well your bodies chemical balance.
As for your school schedule, only you can know how it will affect your stress level. For one thing there are different kinds of stress and different ways we react to them. For some people being busy and yes stressed by grad school demands would be one more stressor piled on top of the loss of your family members. For others the opposite may be true..the demands of school take your mind of the loss of the family.
My wife of 48 years died a bit over a year ago, and I have found sort of a middle ground. Being active and enjoyably busy feels great and moves me toward getting adjusted to a new life. I also realize that I can't just ignor the loss (my wife was a therapist) so I deliberately take time to feel the loss and let my feelings flow. I've learned to know when something is about to surface and honor it. Sometimes I think I need to get flood insurance for the tears. The great thing about this approach is that I can get on with life and yet take care of myself.
I would suggest you think about how you want to handle your loss and take charge. Then tell your advisor what you are doing. She may be willing to go along with your taking a full load if she feels you are taking charge. Also, make it clear to her that your pacemaker has no bearing on your ability to handle a load.

best of luck,

frank

 

Wow. Well said Frank (even though that doesn't surprise me!).

ela-girl

 

Hi, it's me your sister pacer. I would be the older sister ha ha... I was taking some classes recently at the university level for 2 weeks and I can tell you that I was stressed at first. Then something happened within me and I began to embrace every moment. It was great. I am now doing some research for the Dr. which I work for so he can write his term papers.
One thing for sure. I never told the professors that I have a pacemaker. I just didn't see any reason to mention it. I also will not tell any new employers in my future. I feel for me that it is a need to know basis. Somehow I have noticed that people treat me differently when they know. I do get stressed on days, but I try hard not to let it get a good grip on me... welcome to the family. I hope to see more of you....
Pacergirl

 

Thanks for the comments. It helps to get advice from people that have pacemakers- no one my age seems to understand my frustrations.
As far as not telling the professors, I actually am in a program that required a physical when I entered into the program. So they knew from the start. I would've loved to have not told them. Then while doing clinicals one morning, I fainted (pacemaker didn't kick in fast enough...). From then on, I am required to tell all of my clinical sites that I have a pacemaker. I too notice that people look at me differently when they know. Some good- thinking that I can handle anything. Haha. And some bad- thinking that I am fragile and can't do anything.
Anyways, thanks again for the comments and support!

 

That sounds rough, adrenaline. I'm 23 and have had my pacer/defibrillator since I was 16. I have learned that while it is nice to be able to move about like a "normal" person, with no one knowing about your condition, sometimes it's necessary that others know. You'll find that people are more than willing to help and will sympathize with you more often than not. Your advisor probably gets plenty of grad students coming her way under so much stress they can't cope. School can be crazy enough even without the extra heart-related worry (I spent an extra semester as an undergrad)---she's probably seen many a meltdown based upon the courseload alone. And having a medical condition makes people nervous. It's not really their fault, and as much as they'd just like to help, it'll make you feel like an outsider. But whatever. I just figure that it's to their disadvantage, should they underestimate me.

I do feel for you, having passed out in public before. As much as I know it's not something to be embarassed about, I almost always feel embarassed instantly after I've stopped worrying for my immediate safety. It's really something I need to just get the hell over. I've got bigger problems. (Like what in the world I'm going to do with myself now that I've got my degree!)