There have been many discussions about who invented the first Implantable defibrillators (ICD), but in general it was accepted that Dr. Michel Mirowswki began development in the late 1960's and began implanting the first practical models in the 1980's.

I have doubts about Dr Mirowski being the first. In fact, to my mind there is clear evidence that implantable cardioversion defibrillators were in use in the early 1900's.
I cannot yet ascertain who exactly invented the ICD, but this information should erase doubts as to my assertions ~

Some of you who are into Astronomy may be familiar with the name Edwin Hubble, Phd. Actually most have heard his name, remember the Hubble telescope?

My research has un...

 

When you go through a major heart event, it becomes indelibly etched in your mind. Forever captured for posterity. Recollections become heightened and frequently come back to mind.

I see heart patients weekly. Listening to their stories and just being a shoulder is a huge component of providing support to their recovery.

When hearing their stories, one can't help but reminisce about your own adventures in the cardiac care club.

One or two of you have probably read my story, penned here in excrutiating detail, so I won't go into that again, but I did want to note that Feb 1st, my wife's birthday, it is the 5 year anniversary of my open heart surgery.

I still remember vividly being wheeled out of ...

 

I was thinking yesterday that if a genie gave me the choice of a complete cure fore my heart problem but said I had to choose another disease instead , what would I choose.
Well i came up with BALDNESS !!!!
Known by the medical term PREMATURE KOJACULATION
The wonderful thing is you cannot die from it and you can only catch it once and you cant see it unless you look in the mirror.
Head lice give you the thumbs down and hop onto your friends and dandruff is a thing of the past.
You can give your hairdresser the sack and find a new one and just ask for a scrub and polish !!
If your head gets wet when out in the rain , a quick wipe over with a hankerchief is all you need.
You can change your hairstyle d...

 

Got everyone's attention.

A report put out by the Associated Press sates in part...Sex poses surprisingly low risk to heart patients. Sex is safe for most heart patients. If you're healthy enough to walk up two flights of stairs without chest pain or gasping for breath, you can have a love life.

Anybody know what constitutes a "flight" of stairs? I'm thinking 3 steps tops should be adequate.

 

HELP WANTED

Part time medical position for adult male. Applicant must be approximately 55 - 70yrs old, and appear in very poor health. Height between 5' 9" - 6' 2" tall with stooped shoulders, ancient shuffle in gait, glazed eyes, and pale skin are all requirements of position. Additional features supporting a bleak diagnosis a plus.

Applicant will be needed approximately every two (2) months to substitute for heart patient who's obvious good looks, and misleading healthy appearance lead doctors to believe he cannot be that sick, regardless of test results. Salary negotiable

Interested applicants please forward resume and contact CABG Patch to schedule an interview.

 

Angelina Jolle and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House to visit with the Obama family. There was an awkward moment when the couple tried to adopt Obama.

 

RESPONSIBLE CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL

I would like to share an experience with you all, to do with drinking and driving.

As you know some of us have had concerns about drinking and driving. Well I for one have done something about it.

The other night I was out for a dinner and a few drinks with some friends.

Well, after having far too much wine, and knowing full well I was unable to drive safely, I did something I've never done before.

I took a bus home. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before.

 

I know some of you have read my past misadventures with my lovely bride, and even more would not be the least surprised to hear she was intentionally trying to do me in. I don’t know, but I’m beginning to become suspicious that my lovely wife may not have my best interest at heart. Some will even say it’s justified. I think she is trying to plot the perfect crime.

There have been many indicators over time, from the announcement we were being audited by the IRS while I lay near death in the hospital. Then let’s not forget the time she stacked refrigerator magnets on my defibrillator, and now this latest incident.

During the night I make frequent excursions to the water closet to make a deposit. This happens every hour...

 

A married couple had been out shopping at the mall for most of the afternoon, suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had "disappeared".

The somewhat irate spouse called her mate’s cell phone and demanded: "Where the hell are you?

Husband:
"Darling you remember that Jewellery shop where you saw the Diamond Necklace and totally fell in love with it and I didn't have money that time and said Baby it'll be yours one day".

Wife, with a smile blushing:
"Yes, I remember that my Love".

Husband:
"Well, I'm in the bar next to that shop".

 

Easy, feel someone else. Merry Christmas one and all.

 

the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store....

 

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it th...

 

Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve something to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome Tim. But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery….” “Oh God NO!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me!” “I must Brenda, your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”

Finally she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen Tim?” “It was terrible Brenda, he fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.” “Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true Tim, did he at least go quickly?”

“Well Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three ...

 

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. "Hello, President Obama”. A heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile, and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"

"Well Archie," Obama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after a moment’s calculation "there is myself, my cousin Harold, my next-door-neighbor Randy, and the whole dart team from Hooters. That makes eight!"

Obama paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Wow," said Archie. "I'll have to call ya back!"

 

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the c...

 

The top ten things to consider before performing your own open heart surgery:

10 - How much anesthesia should you drink before surgery?
- Dr Murray is not available to provide Propofol

9 - Do you really trust the surgeon
- How many turkey’s has he/she carved?

8 – Is a dishwasher adequate to sterilize the butter knife ?

7 – What type of glue is best to seal the incision ?
- Children’s paste does not work well.

6 - Do you faint at the sight of blood?

5 – Do you have plenty of correction tape available ?

4 – Is your scribbling bad enough to write prescriptions for pain killers ?

3 - Do you have a good attorney?

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For several years, my wife has expressed the desire to try the deep fry method of preparing our Thanksgiving dinner. Guess she's tired of ICD fried turkey, and she has heard from many others this results in the tastiest turkey you can hope for. Anyway, this year I decided to acquiesce and give her method a try. Well really she commanded and I obeyed.

Based on my experience with this cooking method, and in the spirit of sharing with my friends here, I thought I would provide some information you may find useful in future should you too be considering deep frying a turkey for holiday meals.

18 pound turkey $ 22.00
30 qt Fryer $ 109.00
6 gal peanut oil $ 54.00
Propane $ 20.00

click to read more...

 

We just got off the phone with a friend living in northern North Dakota near the Canadian border.

She said that by early this morning the snow was nearly waist high and was still falling.

The temperature is still dropping and was below zero with a north wind that is increasing to near gale force.

Her husband has done nothing but just stand there and stare through the kitchen window .

She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let him in.

 

At the end of my US military service, my final duty station was Tucson AZ. Shortly after my arrival at the base, I began encountering what best could be called confusing and strange incidents.

Personal indiscretions that cast aspersions on the military are frowned on and not tolerated by the command structure. Punishment is severe and swift. So when a merchant in Boston claimed that I had failed to pay a debt, I was dragged before my commander to answer for the failure to meet my financial commitments.

I was totally confused, as up to that point, I had never been to Massachusetts nor had I heard of the merchant. The debt was not mine, yet the merchant insisted it was. These type problems cropped up more often than I...

 

Ever have that sense of pending doom that you just can’t shake. The longer it lingers, the more unsettled you begin feeling until you become frozen with fear. I had a premonition of that nature this morning and was feeling extreme fear and foreboding and wanted to lock myself away to avoid what surely must be awaiting me in the world. I actually had to force myself to get out of the house and go about my daily business.

As some of you know, I do volunteer work with Cardiac patients at local hospitals. Today was one of my scheduled days for cardiac ward visits, and I spent the morning counseling and advising a large number of patients and families about heart disease, and community services that are available for their needs.

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