St. Jude Medical Pacemakers & ICDs

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Posted by IAN MC on 2016-03-14 09:03. 4 comments. 431 reads
 
A husband texted his wife after being involved in a serious car accident :-

" Honey, I fainted at the wheel of the car , drove into a truck and caused a multiple pile-up. Cathy brought me to hospital.
I have been diagnosed with bradycardia which was the cause of me fainting . I have had loads of tests and am having a pacemaker fitted in 10 minutes time. Other heart problems have been found and I will have to take lots of drugs.
Doctor says I may need further operations "



As he was being wheeled into theatre to have his PM fitted he picked up a text reply from his wife which said " Who is Cathy ? "


Ian

Posted by 1mob4igo on 2016-03-07 22:13. 5 comments. 432 reads
 
While at Cardiac Rehab I asked a nurse which of the machines would make me attractive to young women again? The nurse pointed to the ATM across the street.

Posted by Cabg Patch on 2016-01-04 21:45. 3 comments. 842 reads
 
Does anybody know which airlines would charge me for excess baggage if I die on the flight?

Despite my unique risks of flying, I've decided to go for it this year and travel to see my daughter. Hate to think my wife would get charged for excess baggage should I decided to exit before landing.

Posted by Cabg Patch on 2015-11-25 16:33. 5 comments. 1012 reads
 
Help! I find myself in a panic.

I got this brand spanking new CRT-D, three wire device. Now, I knew how the ole 2 lead ICD worked, and in fact after 8 + years marriage to it, I had operation down to a science. Now I find I'm confused, and have no clue how to proceed with this new device, and beginning to panic.

Do you know what to do with that extra lead when cooking a turkey with the CRT device?

Where do I stick the third lead?
Does this mean I can turn down the voltage to save battery life?
Will the extra lead result in extra crispy skin?

Tomorrow's turkey day, and I’d hate to ruin everyone’s dinner. – Enjoy your Holiday

Posted by IAN MC on 2015-10-08 16:04. 2 comments. 1268 reads
 
Some of you may have read that a Chinese scientist, Professor Tu Youyou , was this week awarded a Nobel prize for her work in the field of malaria treatment.

Congratulations to Professor Tu Youyou on winning this award

And for being the most confusing person to sing happy birthday to.

Cheers

Ian

Posted by dhusemann on 2015-09-29 20:37. 0 comments. 1233 reads
 
Facebook video

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=913438042022798&set=vb.613155692051036&type=2&theater

d

Posted by ROBO Pop on 2015-09-18 18:31. 4 comments. 1306 reads
 
I was thinking...what with Frankie's up coming visit to the US perhaps that would be a good opportunity to put my lack of faith to the test. I grew up in the church, in fact I was a Batholic (Baptist + Catholic) but over the years I lost what religious views I held. I should go to one of Frankie's appearances whilst he's here and have an SCA right there in front of God and everyone then see whether him laying his hands on me or my device resuscitate me...could make for an interesting moment.

Come on while you're shaking your head in disbelief, you know there's a bit of a smile on your lips.

Posted by Tattoo Man on 2015-09-02 18:55. 1 comments. 1246 reads
 

........one of the best Edinburgh Fringe jokes goes like this......
" What is the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo ??"

Answer..

" A Hippo is really heavy..whereas a Zippo is a little lighter "

No ??...well you do your best, eh ?

Tattoo Man

Posted by IAN MC on 2015-07-28 15:06. 8 comments. 1462 reads
 
While the PM club was out of action my wife insisted that I decorate the house, mow the lawn, repair her car, tidy up the garage , catch up with paper-work, go shopping with her and even plumb in a new washing machine.

She asks if the PM site could be made to go out of action every other week ?

Please ignore her !

Ian

Posted by GoodDog on 2015-07-07 19:56. 4 comments. 2126 reads
 
Did you hear about the guy stuck on his roof during the terrible flood? He was a man of God and wasn't worried at all. He knew God would save him.
Along came a man in a large boat and said hey, I will save you, just jump in the boat. To which the man replied; "No thank you, God will save me". So the man in the boat went on his way.
Next, a man in a helicopter landed on his roof and said hey, I will save you, just jump on in. To which the man replied; "No thank you, God will save me". So the man in the helicopter went on his way.
After all of that, along came a third man in a little tiny two-man boat. He said; " hey, I have room, so just jump-in and I'll save you". Again, the man said, no thanks! God will save me.
So the...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2015-04-29 04:56. 2 comments. 1848 reads
 


.....So, a prominent Politician is run over by a bus and ends up at the Pearly Gates.

St Peter greets him with the choice of Heaven or Hell and offers him a 24 hour trial at each venue.

At the end of the deep elevator he is met by a smiling Devil who takes him to the delightful golf club where all his smiling mates are all dining on lobster and champagne after a blissful round of golf...

24 hours later , our man experiences Heaven..all harps and fluffy clouds with not much to do and no golf..

So, says St Peter..whats your choice then ?

Well,..Hell was so much better than I had expected,..Heaven was, frankly a little dull...

OK then says Peter,...down the elevato...


Posted by PJinSC on 2015-04-10 16:00. 6 comments. 2597 reads
 
Most of the postings lately have been so serious, I was getting depressed. I ran across this little story, and since a lot of us are "geezers" or are approaching Geezerhood, and we love to go on about our doctors, I though this might lighten the mood a bit.

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer's clinic. "Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.
So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: --- ...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2015-02-17 15:05. 5 comments. 882 reads
 

.............This very morning I was driving through Nottingham ( UK ) and an ambulance drove past me...nothing unusual about that...

Except...written in the dirty back window was the advice...

NO PATIENTS WERE LEFT IN THIS VEHICLE OVERNIGHT

For those who don't get Brit Humour...sorry..

Its not often that I laugh out loud in traffic..least of all in Nottingham ..what with all those Merry Men and Chaps dressed in Lincoln Green cluttering up the highways....

Best wishes to you all..

Tattoo Man

Posted by IAN MC on 2014-12-17 04:54. 12 comments. 1376 reads
 
You pick up a hitchhiker... A beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your car and
you take her to the hospital. Now that's stressful.

But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant and congratulate you that you're going to be a father.

You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. This is getting very stressful!

You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

After the tests are completed, The doctor says the test shows you're infertile, And probably have been since birth.
You're extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.

Now that really IS stressful !!



Posted by ROBO Pop on 2014-12-05 11:12. 2 comments. 965 reads
 
I suspect it all starts when I do something wrong, you are already wondering when don't I do something wrong, and my wife reaches her saturation point and gets a case of chapped arse. She begins to lecture me, and by the duration and passion in her speech you'd swear it was her dissertation for a doctorate. It's what I call the mother of all lectures, just goes on and on and on.

Being a man, what really registers in my mind during these intervals is difficult to say. Her words become like an untranslatable foreign tongue to my mind, Latin maybe, and my brain begins to melt down creating a molten river of thick gooey brain matter slowly searching for an exit strategy. We all know rivers will flow in a canal so the ear is a popu...


Posted by Griddlebone on 2014-11-14 00:28. 9 comments. 1217 reads
 
And I wish you folks would quit telling my husband it's okay now!

He was there post-op when they told me not to lift things over 10 lbs or raise my arm up over shoulder height or vacuum. It's two months down the road and he still jumps in to caution me when I raise my arm up, and he insists on lifting moderately heavy things (say, a 3 gallon plastic water jug, so about 25 lbs or 11 kg), and he insists on doing the vacuuming.

So please, shush! I'm enjoying this! :)

Posted by Griddlebone on 2014-11-04 11:50. 1 comments. 785 reads
 
Ha hah... I just posted a comment and the (assumed random) spam filter captcha was "BZZME". Yeah, pacemaker, go ahead and buzz me. Be my guest.

Posted by IAN MC on 2014-11-01 11:57. 5 comments. 893 reads
 
I was out shopping today when I saw my doctor collapse holding his chest.

"Please, help me!" he pleaded.

So I phoned the surgery and the receptionist told me someone will get back to me within 48 hours.

Ian

Posted by IAN MC on 2014-10-24 13:11. 34 comments. 2036 reads
 
I thought that would get your attention, especially all you dog-owners !

As a runner , I like to get out every few days and take the PM for a spin, test its Rate Responsiveness and enjoy the fresh air .
So I was happily doing my usual 3 miles through the local woods this morning when an old woman and a DOG appeared !

" It won't hurt you " she said as the love-of-her life came bounding towards me and started growling and jumping up and pawing me. It was fortunately a smallish dog so couldn't reach pacemaker level but it DID hurt me. In fact it sunk its teeth into my right knee .

To cut a long story short, I have just returned from the local hospital where I have had 5 stitches !!

So I genuine...


Posted by Duke Heart Patient on 2014-10-23 10:09. 6 comments. 1190 reads
 
So what are some of the funniest things you have heard about having a pacemaker or seen people with a pacemaker do ?



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