Hey All,

Ok, so I just found this site today by a man who bought a tv from me - long story short he said I had to check out this site - so here I am!

On to the good stuff. I have two mechanical heart valves,, both are St. Jude. So you guess it. they make a rather loud ticking noise, and you get both of them synced sitting in a quiet church can drive someone batty as they discretly look around for wrist watches that are putting off a double "tick tick" sound. =)

Since I had my second PM installed 2005 ppl that hear my heart beat continually think and blame the noise on my PM. And it drives me crazy!!! I know alot of ppl out there do not have PM and do not really know alot of ppl that do, but its just o...

 

This guy had just had a pacemaker installed and was feeling down and lonely; and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion he finally bought a centipede, (a bug with 100 legs), which came in a little white box.

He took the box home, found a good location for it, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?" But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me...

 

after i got my pacemaker all the adults at my church wanted to know if there was a remote or a wayto turn it down at times.... this was funny to me!

 

Hey, it's me again, here are the other jokes I promised...

An accountant was having trouble sleeping, so he tried counting sheep. But he made a mistake and it took him all night to find it.

A man was pulled over and the police officer says,"Sir, I need you to breath into this breathalyzer for me." The guy says, "Sorry officer, but I am an asthmetic and if I do that I'll have a really big asthma attack." "OK, then I need you to come down to the station for a blood test, just to make sure." "I can't do that either sir, you see, I'm a hemophiliac and if I do THAT, I will bleed to death." Aggrivated, the policeman says,"Then I need a urine sample." "I'm a diabetic, and if I do that, my sugar will get really, really low." ...

 

Hey, here are some jokes to brighten your day!

A little girl asked her father,"Daddy, do all fairy taled begin with 'Once upon a time'?" Her father replied, "No, a whole lot of them begin with 'If elected I promise.'"

"Did you here about the doctor who got lost on a ski trip? Well, he stomped out HELP in the snow, but no one could read his writing.

 

Ok this girl that goes to church with me told EVERYONE at my school that she felt sorry for me because I had a 80 yr old woman's heart!Oh and I showed a bunch of girls that are my friends my old pacer and of course the one girl I don't like said eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww look guys and called the boys over I didn't tell the guys because I am at a point in my life where I really want a boyfriend (I am soo lonely and trying to fit in with the "Popular" girls!Even though I am not sure they are really my friends that is why I am lonely !)and I don't want them to know about it if they don't have to !

 

Jessie who is Todd, I know I am nosy just wondered what was happening Love Bella

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOPE YOU GET EVERYTHING U WANT

 

Ok, these are real questions asked by friends of mine:
When telling a friend I had a PM, she asked if I could live forever... should have said yes...
When telling a camp counselor I had a PM, she asked if I got one before I got old.
When thinking out lound in the girl's locker room after gym, (Oh man, I have a PM test over the phone!) a girl asked if they were going to take it out and put it back in.

There shall be more in the near future...

 

Two women who had just had thier pacemakers fitted and were lying in a hospital ward. They were bored and as so often happens the subject of sex came up between them. One says to the other "Do you talk to your husband when you are making love" The other women answers " Only if the phone rings"

 

A 63 year old woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room. "What is wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?'

 

A new brake-through was discovered in a small town in South Jersey.

One morning Jimmy woke up and was running late to work. It was his first day at his new job. With his mind set on impressing his boss he decided to wake up alittle early to get a head start. He took his shower and finished dressing up. Soon after dressing up he gathered his things and headed out to work. He got to his car and realized that he forgot to take his beta blocker. He quickly ran back into his house and grabbed the medicine container. He realized there was one pill left and he would take it at a later time. With his mind set on getting to his job, Jimmy pay no attention that his car was low on gas. Jim was about half way from his job and the ...

 

I truly hope this does not offend anyone, but to me it is funny. Maybe it is because I'm just weird, more weird than any of you have suspected. If it is offensive to any of you, I do apologize.

A man who just died is delivered to a Louisiana mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. Boudreaux the mortician asks the wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives Boudreaux a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."

...

 

Good Morning!
Sure we're battery operated but my previous husband asked if my PM came with a remote control! LOL! :)
We've remained friends and he's still is a great support to me!
Enjoy your day!
The Bunny---and yes, we we all keep going and going and going.!

 

Hello,

Been a long hard week and I think it is time for a chuckle. To anyone offended I promise to do better in the future.

The census taker in a rural area in the deep South went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, among the questions he asked was her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered, " Heck no, there wuz a bunch of times we didn't get nothin."

Hope all of you have a good week,

 

Hi everyone.
I have not posted for a while, but had quite a reaction to my lousy sense of humor yesterday.
I was having coffe with a group of people I know and the topic of airport security came up. Everyone wanted to know how It went with the hand searches at the airport.
I couldn't resist and told the whole table that the cute 22 year old blonde woman was fun, but the gay french guy had me worried.

I'm not sure that group is going to let me back to the table again :)

John S

 

Ok This is no Joke When I was little my mom was in the waiting room holding me and a lady came up to her and they started talking after awile of talking the fact of me having a pacer came up . When my mom told her that she said oh ...where do you plug her up ?My mom just stared at the lady and told her that we did not plug me up anywhere .Really what my mom wanted to say was we push a little button in her back an a cord comes out of her butt and we plug her up to the wall! In conclusion ... some people can be ignorant!

 

Old Age Jokes

You know you're getting old when....
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemakeropens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. eel good.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You don't kn...

 

I just had the best chat ever with up to 5 other members. It was great. but something came out of it.

WE WANT A PICTURE OF BLAKE!

All in agreement please put a vote on this message. I think if we get enough votes he should have to do it!

 

It's been a while since we've had something to laugh about. I hope this little quip makes up for it.

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting. These and other language gems will be featured in Lederer's new book - Fractured English, to be published by Pocket Books in the fall of 1997.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* She has had no rig...