If you don't pay for your pacemaker and defibrillator implant bills, do they send a repo man/woman??

 

I wonder if this thing will interfere with our pacemaker's operation.

A simple solution to the controversy over full-body scanners has been invented. It is a booth that you step into and while it will not X-ray you, IT WILL DETONATE ANY EXPLOSIVE DEVICE YOU HAVE ON YOUR BODY.

This would be a win-win for everyone, and put an end to the crap about racial profiling!

 

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well known cardiligist in his shop. The cardioligist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, " So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its "heart" , took the valves out, repaired any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make only $39,675 a year and you get the really big bucks $1,695,759 a year when you and I a...

 

If you are in the mood for a few grins, go to this site and listen

http://www.raystevens.com/main/index.htm

I will warn you that if you are a supporter of the fed health care program you probably will not like the song.

 

Hope this note finds everyone had a wonderful holiday season and all is well in your lives and you look forward to the New Year ahead.

I recognize there may be a statute of limitations on Christmas posts, but I’ve been going through intensive training to improve my dexterity and speed in the proper use of my Christmas gifts, which are absolutely crucial elements in their successful implementation, and had to type this post in the extremely limited time available. Well, there was that case involving syncope and house paint, but that’s another story entirely.

You’ve all had that well intentioned gift that was less than anyone’s expectations and have stories behind them, but I think the gifts I received from my family ...

 

Someone sent me this. Students made a music video and song about AV block. It's cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVxJJ2DBPiQ

 

I'm busy putting up the tree today and thought it's December 1st so time to resurrect my favorite christmas story and post again this year. Hope you all enjoy it in the spirit intended
....

Four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which caused his ICD to go off, and stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the to...

 

Last night I unexpectedly had a stress test at home and believe me, It proved to be far more effective than any the medical profession has conducted on me to date. In fact, my heart rate shot up, I experienced arrhythmias, and that familiar pounding heart beat that can keep us awake. The heart accelerated at such a rate that I enjoyed several cardio-versions immediately followed by the big one ~ ZAP as voltage coursed through my body.

I was in bed, sound asleep when suddenly a hard object crashed into the top of my head and in that split second even before I awoke, my mind registered the sound of shattering glass. Then the shrill sound of a projectile whistling through the air at the speed of sound that sounded erilee lik...

 

Any guidance on the best settings for a defibrillator ?

My ICD is set at 36joules for defibrillation, but it seems to me that this is excessive jolt of juice. In two recent incidents after the defibrillator went off, the skin showed severe damage, was visibly burnt, and smoking. Anybody who has been exposed to these odors knows how offensive they are, not to mention the unsightly burnt skin.

Obviously this problem is very unsettling and annoying to say the least, and with the holiday season rapidly approaching in America the last thing I need is this type of disaster with a large gathering of friends and family. So I was hoping that someone here, maybe Frank or Smitty, anybody, could suggest a better setting for my ...

 

My 4 year old daughter and I were walking along and she stopped to bend down and pick up an M&M that was on the ground and was about to put it in her mouth. I told her to stop right away since we do not put things on our mouth that have been on the ground. She asked me why. I told her because things on the ground are dirty and have germs and once they are on the ground they should never go in our mouths. My daughter looked at me astonshied and said, "Mommy, how come you are so smart?" I thought for a minute and answered "Well, before we can become mommys we have to take a mommy test and all mommys know things like that." That seemed to satisfy my daughter's curiosity for the time being. We continued to walk along for a few minutes and she ...

 

My sister and I took our mother to the nursing home this morning. We left her there and planned on coming back tonight to see her. When we came back we asked her how was her day. She replied that when she would tip over to the left, the nurses would come and straighten her out. When she would tip over to the right, the nurses would come and straighten her out. She complained what the hell do you have to do around here to be able to make a fat?

 

Don’t tell me Doctors aren’t in it strictly for the money. They keep us alive until they’ve squeezed us for all our money by misdiagnosis and continuous repairs. If you doubt me then explain why so many people here have been brought back from the dead, but the doctor who performed the resurrection can’t even repair a simple electrical problem.

 

Anyone get up to watch the rocket hit the moon? Wasn't as spectacular as they predicted.

Actually, the scientific evidence was pretty good. They determined that the moon is indeed made of Swiss Cheese. Instead of pictures we needed audio: GLOOP

 

My new pacemaker came with a free one year subscription to OnStar, maybe that's why it's SO much bigger than the first.

Now I know why they call it a pacer Upgrade....

 

Haven’t been sleeping well for awhile and it’s been getting me down. Seemed like every time I’d fall asleep this noise that is difficult to quantify would wake me each night. Took time to trace the problem as it was intermittent and would cease once I was adequately awake to analyze the problem. So I’d be awake trying desperately to sort out the source of what I was hearing. Was it a prowler, in my mind, what. Gradually I’d fall back asleep only to be wakened again by the indefinable noise.

My neighbor saw me after about a month of restless nights and enquired as to why I looked worse than normal. When I described the issue to him, he immediately hit upon the source and corrective action for my night-time anxiety. He’s a plumbe...

 

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish, and my paint job is getting a little dull. But that's not the worst of it. My headlights are out of focus, and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or laugh, either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.

CASH FOR CLUNKER...

 

Anybody else struggling to identify themselves post retirement?

Since I was forced into early retirement due to heart disease, I often ponder how to define myself to others that I meet. I even wonder what best to put in my epitaph when the time comes.

Stating my former professional titles seems somehow inappropriate. Saying I'm a retired Executive seems equivalent to saying I'm not an executive, that’s no longer who I am, and just doesn’t adequately define me.

This morning that question was answered for me in the newspapers.

While scanning the obituaries, I noticed a name that seemed somewhat familiar, and read the scant details of that unfortunate individuals life. As I skimmed his stats, it...

 

Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head, I don't know what does!

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. ? Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week
and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is ...

 

a woman walks in to the local pharmacy and asked the drugist for cyanide. he replied. why would you want to buy cyanide. she said to kill my husband. he replied that is against the law. i can't sell you cyanide i and you will both go to jail. then she showed him a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife in bed. he replied i didn't know you had a prescription. sure jessie

 

To those of you that do not play golf I apologize for cluttering up the PM Club sit with this message.

To those of you that do play golf go to the web site below and take a look. Some people in Cuero, TX have definitely put real meaning to the description of golf as Cow Pasture Pool.


http://www.frontiertexas.com/bcc.html