Ok so here is what happened while I was getting my pacemaker installed.
The sedation used is called “conscious sedation” because they can talk to you during surgery but you never remember anything. Apparently I was on the table but must have been a little light on the sedation portion as I overheard the doctor having trouble saying the word “Sheath”. He told me after surgery that I woke up enough to say “Can you say that in mixed company?” He said he asked the others in the operating room if I just came out of anesthesia enough to crack a joke and go back out. He told me the o-r was roaring in laughter.

A week after surgery I was being checked out by the “device nurse”. He showed me the difference of my pacemaker pa...

 

This is for my friends that have passed 50, or just getting close, take a listen. All it takes is 4.5 min. and the truth awaits you.

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/6dbBfXCMbH4?rel=0

 

In keeping with my vow to turn over a new leaf this year, and be serious about life's travails, I have a problem/question to put forth for your consideration and input.

During my last Cardio visit recently, as I mentioned (didn't I?) that they found I'm having a worrisome number of increased Ventricular Tachycardia incidents. During the examine they decided that the duration between detection and therapy was too long, and shortened it considerably.

A few days ago, a close friend had us over for dinner. Residing in the American Southwest, you come to expect meals will often consist of Mexican cuisine. In this instance, it was heavy on refried beans, chilies, salsa, and so on. In other words all those things that make t...

 

A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.

Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

Man -'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'


Boy - '$250'

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..

click to read more...

 

'I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and
we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't
finished.....

....so, I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of
Chardonnay, a bodle of JacK Daniells, a butle of wum, a pockage of ice creme, the mainder of bot Prozic, 35 stattin tablets,half a bottul of beetabloccers, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Ian

 

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there...

 

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears lo...

 

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

 

I went for my routine check up today and everything was going well, until he asked me to drop my trousers!

Do you think I should change my dentist?

Ian

 

It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."

We were just interpreting it wrong.

 

I'm sure many are releived that the World did not come to an end yesterday. The PMC Armageddon Party here in my village went very well indeed....this is confirmed by how many US PMC members expressed a wish to set up home here, in the UK when possible...or was it the beer talking ?

Tattoo Man

 

Hey, can any of our Australian members tell us if the world has come to an end. It's already the 21st there. If the end is nigh, I'm ignoring my wife's nagging and yep you guessed it, having a chili-cheese dog, fries smothered in salt, and a beer. Burp

Bottoms up

 

Sent: Wed, Dec 20, 2012
Subject: Holiday Cheer!

Hi everyone!
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, on the way home after a "night of celebrating" with friends.
Well, two nights ago, I was out for an evening with the guys and
had several cocktails followed by some rather nice white ale. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a c...

 

I understand that the world is going to end on Friday. Does anybody know what time it's going to happen ?

I'm trying to arrange a game of golf and I don't know whether to book it in the morning or the afternoon.

Can anyone help please ?

Ian

 

A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I' m fine?' asked the solicitor.

Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to estab...

 

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got Into the taxi, and the cabbie said,

"Perfect timing. You 're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He 's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."...

 

Okay, what's up with this crap?

Today has not been the best of days. When I walked the dogs this morning, the temperature was in the 30s, yesterday it was 80. I got home from the walk, and discovered ice on my shoes, don't remember walking in water anywhere.

I'm still shooting SVT's like a drunken electrician. Dancing around

My car had a flat tire, and AAA couldn't come to change it because their truck had a flat.

Then the mail came and low and behold a personal letter. The letter was from the National Cremation Society. I'm not totally clear on their offer but it definitely appears they are willing to do the job immediately for a fraction of the cost of a standard burial.

Gu...

 

Do people know that today is.

International Sound Checkers Day...Try this...

Testing..Testing...! One-Two..One-Two..One -Two

Tattoo Man

 

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
...
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she...

 

Hi All...I've had a miserable day worrying about my upcoming 'Box resite'.

So...

Time for some cheap humour ?

What is the difference between the words ENCHANT and ENAMOUR??...Easy.

Enchant is to cast a spell on someone

Enamour is for knocking nails in with....................

Well, I dont know about you,..but I feel better !!................TM