Hello,

Been a long hard week and I think it is time for a chuckle. To anyone offended I promise to do better in the future.

The census taker in a rural area in the deep South went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, among the questions he asked was her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four "

"Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?"

The woman answered, " Heck no, there wuz a bunch of times we didn't get nothin."

Hope all of you have a good week,

 

Hi everyone.
I have not posted for a while, but had quite a reaction to my lousy sense of humor yesterday.
I was having coffe with a group of people I know and the topic of airport security came up. Everyone wanted to know how It went with the hand searches at the airport.
I couldn't resist and told the whole table that the cute 22 year old blonde woman was fun, but the gay french guy had me worried.

I'm not sure that group is going to let me back to the table again :)

John S

 

Ok This is no Joke When I was little my mom was in the waiting room holding me and a lady came up to her and they started talking after awile of talking the fact of me having a pacer came up . When my mom told her that she said oh ...where do you plug her up ?My mom just stared at the lady and told her that we did not plug me up anywhere .Really what my mom wanted to say was we push a little button in her back an a cord comes out of her butt and we plug her up to the wall! In conclusion ... some people can be ignorant!

 

Old Age Jokes

You know you're getting old when....
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemakeropens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. eel good.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You don't kn...

 

I just had the best chat ever with up to 5 other members. It was great. but something came out of it.

WE WANT A PICTURE OF BLAKE!

All in agreement please put a vote on this message. I think if we get enough votes he should have to do it!

 

It's been a while since we've had something to laugh about. I hope this little quip makes up for it.

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D. for the Journal of Court Reporting. These and other language gems will be featured in Lederer's new book - Fractured English, to be published by Pocket Books in the fall of 1997.

* By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
* Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
* On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
* She has had no rig...

 

A little humor for a serious subject that Michael Moore thinks he just brought to our attention.

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase , "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.

Q. I just joined an HMO . How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will...

 

I cold suggest a good place to get your next pacemaker. They are offering a lifetime warranty with each new pacemaker....

 

What are some of the spam filter words you had to write in the spam box before you posted? Not random ones, but ones that can form some sort of a word. So far, I had:
jocky
moose
narcs.
Some people mentioned they had to write:
thigh
macks

hahahaha, this is fun :) or do I need to get out more? lol!
take care,
~valerie

 

Hi all.
Its a good thing I have a sense of humor. I flew to the local medical center last week for my first follow-up since I had my node ablation and became completely pacer dependent. All has been going really well and it was supposed to be a simple interogation and perhaps a rate change. I lay down, the nurse wires me up and the doctor looks at the computer and says "Ok Great" Not what I wanted to hear. It turns out I have the latest and greatest Medtronic Adapta, so new that the Doctor's computer will not talk to the pacer. The computer needs a software upgrade. Since I was the one who joked about my pacer being Windows XP powered I find it really funny.
Bottom line:
Airfare to and from hospital $300.00
...

 

Since we are all using our computers to communicate, I thought possibly some of you can help me because:

The Computer Swallowed Grandma

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or, been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply fr...

 

As a recent first-time PM recipient, I've spent lots of time on this website. Among other things, I purchased the book "You Know You're Pacing When" from the Club Store because I want to keep my sense of humor intact despite the ups and downs that come with the first month with a PM. I've gotten lots of laughs out of the book. Tonight I wondered about the last page in the book: the "About the Author" section. So Blake, was it an intentional pun or a typo where it says "He has undergone two open-heart surgeries as a child to correct CONGENIAL heart disease". If that statement is correctly written, then I think you had a very poor cardiologist as he or she did NOTHING to fix your VERY CONGENIAL heart -- you have one of the most CONGENIAL hea...

 

From Reader's Digest.

Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they are always a little short.

A British newspaper, The Independent on Sunday, ran the following news flash:" Welsh tortoise recaptured 1.8 miles from home after eight months on the run."

Once upon a time, a beautiful young antelope was going to the party of the year. Excited, she put on a new outfit, make up, great shoes, the whole nine yards. Suddenly, she was stampeded by a herd of buffalo, making her the first self-dressed stamped antelope.

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
Warren Buffett on Charlie Rose.

Sorry eve...

 

When my second pacer was being installed last spring it was with a local anaesthetic (the heart lead remaining in place). The left side of my face was shielded so I couldn't watch the work in action. As I lay there on the table, one point I felt and heard some scraping sounds. I asked the surgeon what was going on. His reply was "You wouldn't want to know!" It cracked me up. (he was just freeing my old pacer from surrounding tissue, in case you were really interested.) You have to love a doc with a sense of humour.
-- radiebold (Rob)

 

Because patient files are confidential, the government requires that our hospital keep them safe from prying eyes.
Hence, this sign at the nurses station just off a heavily traveled corridor.
"All patient information is kept locked up. It is in the locker in the top corner. The combination is 32,16,24."

I couldn't resist! Ha Ha!
Dominique.

 

DESCRIPTION:
card all in white.
Front of card: nothing written on it.
Inside of card:
"This was the cheapest card I could find. Love Jane."
and that's it.

~valerie

 

"Announcements (or messages/comments) that should never be said over the hospital intercom"....

"Dr. Nick, please dial 2-2-3-2. Dr. Nick, please dial 2-2-3-2....[pause]....I think your patient just died"
:::[ten seconds later]:::
"Never mind. He was just sleeping."

:)
~valerie

 

"What doctors shouldn't do while looking at an abnormal EKG in front of their patients"....

Like, for example, the doctor shouldn't gasp in horror and run away yelling "I'll call a doctor!"

Any more advice for future doctors out there...?
:)
~valerie

 

Just for fun...and to get away from serious discussion, sometimes it's fun to make light of our situation..if only for a second. I want to come up with a funny list.

Sadly, the only one I can think of is..if you're a pervert, you enjoy getting pat down at the airport. :(

Anyway, I want to add it to my website so people should think of things.

k, thanks.

~chelsey

 

So I had my pacemaker checked yesterday and the pacemaker nurse told me I have another 5 years left on my pacemaker. My goofy techie boyfriend said "you should have bought the extended warranty!" ajones100