Ever have that sense of pending doom that you just can’t shake. The longer it lingers, the more unsettled you begin feeling until you become frozen with fear. I had a premonition of that nature this morning and was feeling extreme fear and foreboding and wanted to lock myself away to avoid what surely must be awaiting me in the world. I actually had to force myself to get out of the house and go about my daily business.

As some of you know, I do volunteer work with Cardiac patients at local hospitals. Today was one of my scheduled days for cardiac ward visits, and I spent the morning counseling and advising a large number of patients and families about heart disease, and community services that are available for their needs.

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Numerous times we've discussed the ins and outs of air travel. Whenever the topic comes up, it is inevitably about the risks of going through airport security screening. Does a screening method have adverse effect on the device or patient. Anyway, I discovered there is more to focus on during travel than security screening.

When my wife and I planned a trip recently, she asked me to ask for a pat down rather than just walk through the screening device. In accordance with her reqauest, I dutifully displayed my ICD card to the TSA screener but they could have cared less, and just waved me through the metal detector. Now I will admit I prefer to just walk through and be done, but at any rate, I set off the detector and was subjec...

 

DISCRIMINATION - THAT'S WHAT IT IS

Two senior citizens limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint?

Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, is X-rayed the same day and

has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The SECOND is examined within the hour within the hour after having waited 3 weeks for an

appointment, then waits another 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an X-ray,

which is not reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled

for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

 

This is for the soul purpose of furthering your education (if you need it) and has no political connotation whatsoever.

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is...

 

The other day I read a list of "100 Things to do Before You Die." I found it odd that "yell for help" wasn't on the list.

 

A woman walks up to the pharmacy counter and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist asks her why she needs it. She says, “I’m going to use it to kill my husband.” The pharmacist practically screams, “I can’t give you cyanide to commit murder! They’ll lock us both up for life. Why on earth do you want to kill your husband?” The woman reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looks at it and says, “Well now, you didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

 

A man is lying in bed in the hospital wearing an oxygen mask. He pushes the nurse call button and 20 minutes later a good looking female nurse comes in. Through his mask he says, "Are my testicles black?" The nurse gives him a puzzled look and says, "I don't know sir, but I'll take a look." She lifts up his gown and takes a long look. Putting his gown back she says, "They look ok to me sir."
Now the guy has a puzzled look on HIS face. He pulls off the oxygen mask and says, "Thanks, but what I said was, are my test results back?"

 

A Love Story..............
A woman was sipping a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you."

Her husband asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?

She replies, "It's me ... talking to the wine."

 

A doctor told a story about her 6 year old daughter. She was taking her to school one day when she noticed the little girl had found her stethoscope and had put it around her neck. The doctor got excited as she envisioned her daughter following in her footsteps....then the daughter put the end of the stethoscope up to her mouth and said, "Welccome to McDonalds, may I take your order?"

 

Texting shorthand for Pacers... Please add some: . GGPBL -gotta go, pacemaker battery low. BRBICDGO - Be Right Back, Internal Cardiac Defib Going Off. JP - Just Pacing, ROTFLCL - Rolling on the Floor, Lead Came Loose., BYOB - Bring your own battery, CTBL - Can't Talk, Battery Low

 

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.

The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure. Then she yells,

"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

 

I've had a bit of rocky road over the past 4.5 years, as you can tell by reading an old post about my open heart surgery. But I am a firm believer in the power and benefits of cardiac rehabilitation for heart patients.

For those new members who've yet to do Cardiac rehabilitation and have some lingering doubts whether it actually benefits us, I'd like to share this personal experience in hopes it will encourage you to actively participate in a program for your well being.

As mentioned, I had major overhaul of my heart, including receiving a pacer/defibrillator 4.5 years ago. While I was recovering from the surgery, one of the nurses mentioned the importance of cardiac rehab when I was ready. I had to bug my Cardiolog...

 

NEW BOYFRIENDS!

My wife just told me she has 5 new boyfriends and since she knew I would fit right in she invited me to go along with her.

Our day goes like this:

As soon as we wake up, Will Power helps us get out of bed.

Then we go to see John.

Then Charlie Horse, the sadistic Indian, comes along, and when he's here, he takes up a lot of our time and attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritis (I have never liked this dude one little bit) shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long so he takes us from joint to joint.

After such a busy day, we're really tired and very glad to go to sleep after having a little fun with Ben ...

 

SO.......
Walking down the street minding my own business, when suddenly my drenched body draws attention to a local policeman.

"Stop!", he screamed.

He got out of the car, walked up to me and asked me what I was doing walking when it was so hot outside.

I looked at him, wiped the sweat from my brow and plainly said, " "cause there ain't anything better to do in this gnat infested town."

He grabbed my arm, and threw me into the back of his car. He said he was concerned about my health and wanted me to sit in his air-conditioned cruiser for a while. That was fine and dandy until when on my way into the backseat, my sweaty hand slipped from the top of the door, smacked the kind officer in the...

 

An elderly man was stopped by the police around 1 A.M. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

The man replied,“I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”.

The officer then asks,“Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies,“My wife.”

 

OK, to start off, let me say that I was just indulging in whimsical speculation and I am NOT seriously considering a tatoo. I suspect that the magnetic coils on the artist's equipment would wreak havoc with the PM.
This being said, I was bantering with my wife and I said it would be a cool idea to have a tatoo on or near the implantation site.
On the site: a tatoo representing a zipper;
Near the site: a tatoo with an arrow pointing towards the scar and a notice saying "insert here".
This led me to a question: when they replace the PM after the battery has been exhausted, to they cut on the previous scar, or do they go into the skin nearby?
Just curious.
Regards
Edouard

 

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday. "I'd like to be eight again" she replied, still looking in the mirror .

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra frie...

 

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

ý1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your ri...

 

Not long ago while traveling down the interstate and needing to use the restroom, I stopped at a rest area and headed to the restroom.

Just after I sat down a voice from the next stall asks:

"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom and I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed:
"Doin' just fine!"

And the other person says:
"So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
"Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!" ??

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question.
"Can I come over?"
...

 

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a highway patrolman sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, 'this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder,' so he turns on his lights and stops the car. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand. I was doing exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was do...