St. Jude Medical Pacemakers & ICDs

Read Messages




Messages in Jokes Forum



Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-28 07:06. 7 comments. 475 reads
 

I went for my routine check up today and everything was going well, until he asked me to drop my trousers!

Do you think I should change my dentist?

Ian

Posted by Fideaux on 2012-12-24 16:01. 6 comments. 423 reads
 
It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."

We were just interpreting it wrong.

Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-22 12:47. 5 comments. 419 reads
 

I'm sure many are releived that the World did not come to an end yesterday. The PMC Armageddon Party here in my village went very well indeed....this is confirmed by how many US PMC members expressed a wish to set up home here, in the UK when possible...or was it the beer talking ?

Tattoo Man

Posted by johng on 2012-12-20 11:41. 2 comments. 596 reads
 

Sent: Wed, Dec 20, 2012
Subject: Holiday Cheer!

Hi everyone!
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, on the way home after a "night of celebrating" with friends.
Well, two nights ago, I was out for an evening with the guys and
had several cocktails followed by some rather nice white ale. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a c...


Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-19 12:58. 16 comments. 587 reads
 
I understand that the world is going to end on Friday. Does anybody know what time it's going to happen ?

I'm trying to arrange a game of golf and I don't know whether to book it in the morning or the afternoon.

Can anyone help please ?

Ian

Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:38. 3 comments. 778 reads
 
A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I' m fine?' asked the solicitor.

Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to estab...


Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:24. 3 comments. 663 reads
 

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got Into the taxi, and the cabbie said,

"Perfect timing. You 're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He 's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-12 08:35. 5 comments. 385 reads
 
Do people know that today is.

International Sound Checkers Day...Try this...

Testing..Testing...! One-Two..One-Two..One -Two

Tattoo Man



Posted by kiwigirl on 2012-12-08 21:12. 5 comments. 885 reads
 

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
...
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-11-27 14:49. 8 comments. 426 reads
 
Hi All...I've had a miserable day worrying about my upcoming 'Box resite'.

So...

Time for some cheap humour ?

What is the difference between the words ENCHANT and ENAMOUR??...Easy.

Enchant is to cast a spell on someone

Enamour is for knocking nails in with....................

Well, I dont know about you,..but I feel better !!................TM

Posted by IAN MC on 2012-11-14 09:45. 5 comments. 964 reads
 
A motor mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a BMW M6 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the BMW.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is that I make £40,000 a year and you make £1.7M when y...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-11-05 10:08. 2 comments. 358 reads
 
So, ..picture this..two oldish Ladies, .both with pacemakers are sitting on a bench in the park....

Suddenly a Naked Jogger comes tripping by...

One Lady has a stroke

The other couldnt reach...

-------------------------

As I live and breathe.. this gag has just come via Skype from the Costa del Sol, from my Sainted Mother-in-Law..Eileen..herself a Pacemaker Queen.

I know its an old one ,..but so is she (87)..I love you Eileen,.. an inspiration to all the Family.

Tattoo Man

Posted by PKite on 2012-10-27 22:39. 6 comments. 463 reads
 
Improved Pacemaker -- TIC

I've had a pacemaker now for better than 5 weeks and have found my health to be a big improvement. They certainly are great pieces of equipment; however, seems to me that, given that PMs have become so sophisticated and are now wifi controlled, they could make some real additions to them in the future.

Given external wifi control, my first suggestion is that they include an alarm clock in the PM. Think of the advantage of not having to carry an alarm clock with you when you travel -- you could have your PM wake you up.

Something could be said for replacing your Walkman in the gym with a PM music function (it would be heart-felt music) -- you would never be in danger of leaving i...


Posted by IAN MC on 2012-10-23 04:08. 2 comments. 697 reads
 
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits


5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Spe...


Posted by windway on 2012-09-29 12:38. 2 comments. 1144 reads
 
A Traffic Cop pulls over an Old Lady for Speeding


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I kil...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-09-22 16:09. 18 comments. 968 reads
 


Is it just me or are the Black Cubes heading for pacemakers ?/

Tattoo Man

PS for many who like this site,..it just might be that some of Doctor Who ,,.is made up.

Most,..as we all know is factual journalism

LOL very OL...TM

Posted by jolsen on 2012-09-09 09:05. 1 comments. 1052 reads
 
As my surgeon was wrapping up in the OR (btw, I was completely alert and awake during my procedure, which was rather weird but interesting to me), I told him and the OR crew this joke that my brother (who also has a pacemaker) had just told me before I went in for the PM procedure.

A pastor was visiting an older lady in the hospital who was dying. As she was dying, she handed him a note. The pastor put it in his pocket for safekeeping, and the woman died. A few days later at her funeral, the pastor was speaking and remembered that he had the note from the lady. He told those in attendance that she had given him a note as she was dying. He said that he would read it for the first time to them all right now. As he opened the...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-09-06 14:57. 1 comments. 333 reads
 
Picture the scene:

An intimate table for two in a bijou restaurant.

John:...."Darling how come you are so unspeakably gorgeous and at the same time just a bit dippy"?

Mary....."Sweetheart thats so easy to answer,...God made me gorgeous so thay you would be attracted to me"

John..."Er..yes" ??

Mary..." And God made me a bit stupid so that I would be attracted to YOU"

Tattoo Man, still an avid student of studying the Fairer Sex..

Posted by IAN MC on 2012-08-29 05:20. 7 comments. 445 reads
 
A wonderful quote in the Daily Telegraph ,a national newspaper in the UK, today. Sir Rory Collins of Oxford University is suggesting that everyone over the age of 50 should take statins. He accused medical regulators of over-stating the possible side-effects of statins. :-

"Sir Rory disputes claims that statins can cause sleep disturbances, memory loss, sexual dysfunction, depression, lung disease, cataracts, diabetes, memory loss and confusion."

I wonder if HIS memory loss will make him reduce his statin consumption ?

Cheers

Ian

Posted by SMITTY on 2012-08-28 23:57. 2 comments. 998 reads
 
That's what it is.

The pastor of this Baptist church had called all of the little children to the front of the church, dressed in their cute Easter outfits and had them sit around him.

He said, "Today is Easter and you all look so handsome and beautiful. Today we're going to talk about the resurrection. Does anyone know what the resurrection is?"

One little boy raised his hand, and the pastor said, "Please tell us what the resurrection is".

The boy, proud that he knew the answer, said in a clear loud voice, "When you get one lasting more than four hours, you gotta call a doctor!" It took a solid 10 minutes before the pastor could speak and there was so much laughter going on that his sermon was ...




Member Login
email:

password:



Who's Online?
We have 777 visitors online.

Members online:
  Tattoo Man

Polls
What type of device do you have?

Single lead pacer
Dual lead pacer
CRT
CRT-D
ICD

You're Wired When...
Titanium is your favorite metal.

Member Quotes
I can honestly say that I am feeling absolutely amazing!

Pacemaker Interference Protection



Site content and design © 2000-2014 Pacemaker Club Inc.
All rights reserved.