St. Jude Medical Pacemakers & ICDs

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Posted by somehow on 2013-02-06 09:04. 0 comments. 294 reads
 
Have you heard about the new Doctor doll?

You wind it up and it operates on batteries!

Posted by Reboot1212 on 2013-02-05 12:08. 11 comments. 549 reads
 
When I sneeze, the garage door opens.

Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-30 12:46. 2 comments. 917 reads
 
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding t...


Posted by windway on 2013-01-28 07:33. 0 comments. 857 reads
 
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill.

The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live.There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth..'

So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.

Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before.

They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins £35. Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins £320. Then he gets the full house and wins £1000.


Posted by terrythetech on 2013-01-22 13:18. 11 comments. 1057 reads
 
Ok so here is what happened while I was getting my pacemaker installed.
The sedation used is called “conscious sedation” because they can talk to you during surgery but you never remember anything. Apparently I was on the table but must have been a little light on the sedation portion as I overheard the doctor having trouble saying the word “Sheath”. He told me after surgery that I woke up enough to say “Can you say that in mixed company?” He said he asked the others in the operating room if I just came out of anesthesia enough to crack a joke and go back out. He told me the o-r was roaring in laughter.

A week after surgery I was being checked out by the “device nurse”. He showed me the difference of my pacemaker pa...


Posted by SMITTY on 2013-01-18 19:19. 2 comments. 494 reads
 
This is for my friends that have passed 50, or just getting close, take a listen. All it takes is 4.5 min. and the truth awaits you.

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/6dbBfXCMbH4?rel=0

Posted by windway on 2013-01-15 07:01. 1 comments. 848 reads
 
A woman takes a lover home during the day, while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet.

Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, 'Dark in here.'
The man says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a golf ball.'

Man -'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'


Boy - '$250'

A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover, are in the closet together..

Posted by IAN MC on 2013-01-09 06:11. 11 comments. 541 reads
 
'I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and
we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't
finished.....

....so, I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of
Chardonnay, a bodle of JacK Daniells, a butle of wum, a pockage of ice creme, the mainder of bot Prozic, 35 stattin tablets,half a bottul of beetabloccers, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Ian


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-05 18:50. 2 comments. 885 reads
 
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there...


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-04 16:19. 5 comments. 774 reads
 
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears lo...


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-01 07:33. 2 comments. 406 reads
 
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-28 07:06. 7 comments. 526 reads
 

I went for my routine check up today and everything was going well, until he asked me to drop my trousers!

Do you think I should change my dentist?

Ian

Posted by Fideaux on 2012-12-24 16:01. 6 comments. 453 reads
 
It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."

We were just interpreting it wrong.

Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-22 12:47. 5 comments. 457 reads
 

I'm sure many are releived that the World did not come to an end yesterday. The PMC Armageddon Party here in my village went very well indeed....this is confirmed by how many US PMC members expressed a wish to set up home here, in the UK when possible...or was it the beer talking ?

Tattoo Man

Posted by johng on 2012-12-20 11:41. 2 comments. 642 reads
 

Sent: Wed, Dec 20, 2012
Subject: Holiday Cheer!

Hi everyone!
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, on the way home after a "night of celebrating" with friends.
Well, two nights ago, I was out for an evening with the guys and
had several cocktails followed by some rather nice white ale. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a c...


Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-19 12:58. 16 comments. 636 reads
 
I understand that the world is going to end on Friday. Does anybody know what time it's going to happen ?

I'm trying to arrange a game of golf and I don't know whether to book it in the morning or the afternoon.

Can anyone help please ?

Ian

Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:38. 3 comments. 838 reads
 
A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I' m fine?' asked the solicitor.

Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to estab...


Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:24. 3 comments. 709 reads
 

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got Into the taxi, and the cabbie said,

"Perfect timing. You 're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He 's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-12 08:35. 5 comments. 430 reads
 
Do people know that today is.

International Sound Checkers Day...Try this...

Testing..Testing...! One-Two..One-Two..One -Two

Tattoo Man



Posted by kiwigirl on 2012-12-08 21:12. 5 comments. 946 reads
 

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
...
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she...




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