St. Jude Medical Pacemakers & ICDs

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Posted by IAN MC on 2013-01-09 06:11. 11 comments. 528 reads
 
'I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and
we all could probably use more calm in our lives.

Some doctor on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you have started.

So, I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't
finished.....

....so, I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of
Chardonnay, a bodle of JacK Daniells, a butle of wum, a pockage of ice creme, the mainder of bot Prozic, 35 stattin tablets,half a bottul of beetabloccers, the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now.

Ian


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-05 18:50. 2 comments. 859 reads
 
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there...


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-04 16:19. 5 comments. 748 reads
 
A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears lo...


Posted by justmepacing on 2013-01-01 07:33. 2 comments. 392 reads
 
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it.
The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.
Then he decided to look through the window.
He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door."
I said, "You're not coming in mate!"
He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-28 07:06. 7 comments. 498 reads
 

I went for my routine check up today and everything was going well, until he asked me to drop my trousers!

Do you think I should change my dentist?

Ian

Posted by Fideaux on 2012-12-24 16:01. 6 comments. 438 reads
 
It all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day.

Leviticus 20:13- "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned."

We were just interpreting it wrong.

Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-22 12:47. 5 comments. 435 reads
 

I'm sure many are releived that the World did not come to an end yesterday. The PMC Armageddon Party here in my village went very well indeed....this is confirmed by how many US PMC members expressed a wish to set up home here, in the UK when possible...or was it the beer talking ?

Tattoo Man

Posted by johng on 2012-12-20 11:41. 2 comments. 620 reads
 

Sent: Wed, Dec 20, 2012
Subject: Holiday Cheer!

Hi everyone!
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time, on the way home after a "night of celebrating" with friends.
Well, two nights ago, I was out for an evening with the guys and
had several cocktails followed by some rather nice white ale. Feeling jolly, I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.
Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a c...


Posted by IAN MC on 2012-12-19 12:58. 16 comments. 608 reads
 
I understand that the world is going to end on Friday. Does anybody know what time it's going to happen ?

I'm trying to arrange a game of golf and I don't know whether to book it in the morning or the afternoon.

Can anyone help please ?

Ian

Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:38. 3 comments. 811 reads
 
A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company.
In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.

'Didn't you say to the police at the scene of the accident, 'I' m fine?' asked the solicitor.

Paddy responded: 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I'd just loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the solicitor interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

Paddy said, 'Well, I'd just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin' down da road.... '

The solicitor interrupted again and said,'Your Honour, I am trying to estab...


Posted by windway on 2012-12-17 12:24. 3 comments. 688 reads
 

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by.

He got Into the taxi, and the cabbie said,

"Perfect timing. You 're just like "Brian!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He 's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-12-12 08:35. 5 comments. 406 reads
 
Do people know that today is.

International Sound Checkers Day...Try this...

Testing..Testing...! One-Two..One-Two..One -Two

Tattoo Man



Posted by kiwigirl on 2012-12-08 21:12. 5 comments. 916 reads
 

An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
...
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-11-27 14:49. 8 comments. 447 reads
 
Hi All...I've had a miserable day worrying about my upcoming 'Box resite'.

So...

Time for some cheap humour ?

What is the difference between the words ENCHANT and ENAMOUR??...Easy.

Enchant is to cast a spell on someone

Enamour is for knocking nails in with....................

Well, I dont know about you,..but I feel better !!................TM

Posted by IAN MC on 2012-11-14 09:45. 5 comments. 1010 reads
 
A motor mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a BMW M6 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the BMW.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is that I make £40,000 a year and you make £1.7M when y...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-11-05 10:08. 2 comments. 379 reads
 
So, ..picture this..two oldish Ladies, .both with pacemakers are sitting on a bench in the park....

Suddenly a Naked Jogger comes tripping by...

One Lady has a stroke

The other couldnt reach...

-------------------------

As I live and breathe.. this gag has just come via Skype from the Costa del Sol, from my Sainted Mother-in-Law..Eileen..herself a Pacemaker Queen.

I know its an old one ,..but so is she (87)..I love you Eileen,.. an inspiration to all the Family.

Tattoo Man

Posted by PKite on 2012-10-27 22:39. 6 comments. 482 reads
 
Improved Pacemaker -- TIC

I've had a pacemaker now for better than 5 weeks and have found my health to be a big improvement. They certainly are great pieces of equipment; however, seems to me that, given that PMs have become so sophisticated and are now wifi controlled, they could make some real additions to them in the future.

Given external wifi control, my first suggestion is that they include an alarm clock in the PM. Think of the advantage of not having to carry an alarm clock with you when you travel -- you could have your PM wake you up.

Something could be said for replacing your Walkman in the gym with a PM music function (it would be heart-felt music) -- you would never be in danger of leaving i...


Posted by IAN MC on 2012-10-23 04:08. 2 comments. 723 reads
 
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits


2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits


5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Spe...


Posted by windway on 2012-09-29 12:38. 2 comments. 1189 reads
 
A Traffic Cop pulls over an Old Lady for Speeding


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one.

Traffic Cop: Don't have one?

Older Woman: No. I lost it 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Traffic Cop: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Traffic Cop: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Traffic Cop: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I kil...


Posted by Tattoo Man on 2012-09-22 16:09. 18 comments. 1005 reads
 


Is it just me or are the Black Cubes heading for pacemakers ?/

Tattoo Man

PS for many who like this site,..it just might be that some of Doctor Who ,,.is made up.

Most,..as we all know is factual journalism

LOL very OL...TM



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