Since we are all using our computers to communicate, I thought possibly some of you can help me because:

The Computer Swallowed Grandma

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true.
She pressed 'control' and 'enter'
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or, been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I've even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply fr...

 

As a recent first-time PM recipient, I've spent lots of time on this website. Among other things, I purchased the book "You Know You're Pacing When" from the Club Store because I want to keep my sense of humor intact despite the ups and downs that come with the first month with a PM. I've gotten lots of laughs out of the book. Tonight I wondered about the last page in the book: the "About the Author" section. So Blake, was it an intentional pun or a typo where it says "He has undergone two open-heart surgeries as a child to correct CONGENIAL heart disease". If that statement is correctly written, then I think you had a very poor cardiologist as he or she did NOTHING to fix your VERY CONGENIAL heart -- you have one of the most CONGENIAL hea...

 

From Reader's Digest.

Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they are always a little short.

A British newspaper, The Independent on Sunday, ran the following news flash:" Welsh tortoise recaptured 1.8 miles from home after eight months on the run."

Once upon a time, a beautiful young antelope was going to the party of the year. Excited, she put on a new outfit, make up, great shoes, the whole nine yards. Suddenly, she was stampeded by a herd of buffalo, making her the first self-dressed stamped antelope.

It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
Warren Buffett on Charlie Rose.

Sorry eve...

 

When my second pacer was being installed last spring it was with a local anaesthetic (the heart lead remaining in place). The left side of my face was shielded so I couldn't watch the work in action. As I lay there on the table, one point I felt and heard some scraping sounds. I asked the surgeon what was going on. His reply was "You wouldn't want to know!" It cracked me up. (he was just freeing my old pacer from surrounding tissue, in case you were really interested.) You have to love a doc with a sense of humour.
-- radiebold (Rob)

 

Because patient files are confidential, the government requires that our hospital keep them safe from prying eyes.
Hence, this sign at the nurses station just off a heavily traveled corridor.
"All patient information is kept locked up. It is in the locker in the top corner. The combination is 32,16,24."

I couldn't resist! Ha Ha!
Dominique.

 

DESCRIPTION:
card all in white.
Front of card: nothing written on it.
Inside of card:
"This was the cheapest card I could find. Love Jane."
and that's it.

~valerie

 

"Announcements (or messages/comments) that should never be said over the hospital intercom"....

"Dr. Nick, please dial 2-2-3-2. Dr. Nick, please dial 2-2-3-2....[pause]....I think your patient just died"
:::[ten seconds later]:::
"Never mind. He was just sleeping."

:)
~valerie

 

"What doctors shouldn't do while looking at an abnormal EKG in front of their patients"....

Like, for example, the doctor shouldn't gasp in horror and run away yelling "I'll call a doctor!"

Any more advice for future doctors out there...?
:)
~valerie

 

Just for fun...and to get away from serious discussion, sometimes it's fun to make light of our situation..if only for a second. I want to come up with a funny list.

Sadly, the only one I can think of is..if you're a pervert, you enjoy getting pat down at the airport. :(

Anyway, I want to add it to my website so people should think of things.

k, thanks.

~chelsey

 

So I had my pacemaker checked yesterday and the pacemaker nurse told me I have another 5 years left on my pacemaker. My goofy techie boyfriend said "you should have bought the extended warranty!" ajones100

 

Just wanted to say that my booklet "you know you're pacing when" is very cute sure enjoyed and sending little pacer jokes to my friends...happy pacing. jeanmarie

 

When I learned I needed a pace maker, my wife an RN, arrived at the hospital before the procedure with an Intel Inside logo she had cut out of a magazine. Before being wheeled out of my room, she taped it to my chest just under my left collar bone. The cardiac team all thought it was very good and all chuckled when the pull open my gown top to prep me for the procedure. They said "Yep, sure will" When I awoke in my room, the logo was taped back to the sling I was wearing. The team saved it for me.

Pacing now for 8 months and doing very well. MSinner

 

If we're going to name our pacemakers, why not some pacemaker songs too? For you ICDers out there, what about "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar. Or "Kickstart My Heart" by Motley Crue. Or "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dione. Just being silly. Lenora

 

Hi all.
I have a bad sense of humor and it seems to get worse as I get stressed. It come from 21 years as a firefighter and ambulance attendant.
While getting my first checkup and pacer test I asked the cardic nurse if my pacer was run on Windows XP. She looked surprised and informed me it was way better software than XP, why did I want to know.
I told her it added a whole new meaning to the blue screen of death.
I'm not sure how my next visit will go...
JohnS

 

STennant

 

My better half,
said our "sex lives has really impoved since i've have had my icd put in".
"When did you notice that love" i said.
"Twice this morning and three times last night".
KEVIN

 

When I found out about my third degree heart block it came as quite a shock as I was only 20 and had never shown even a hint of a heart problem. Anyway, trying to make light of it, my family made several jokes at my husband's expense. He is quite the computer nerd (self proclaimed) and we all joked that now he'd be more likely to pay attention to me since I had electrical parts. Maybe we could implant a USB hub so he could just plug me into his computer. He still gets teased from time to time about it. I joke that he should ask my parents for a refund since I have faulty parts and wiring.

 

When I was taken to the hospital back in 99 for my first pacer, my heart kept stopping. I was admitted and put in CCU. I could tell when my heart was going to stop because I would get a deja vu feeling. My wife was in my room and I told her it was getting ready to stop. She took off out the door and was met by nurses running in. By the time they got me hooked up for a shock my heart started again. One of the nurses said she had been working in the CCU for a long time and she rarely got scared but she said it really scared her when she saw me flatline. Quickly thinking I said "well I was up on the ceiling looking down and saw you come in and I thought this can't be good". The look on her face was priceless. She said "really". I said "no but...

 

At my last visit to my Doctor at the Heart Function Clinic in Edmonton, I told my cardiologist that I was considering seeing a young woman half my age and, should the opportunity present itself, I wouldn’t hesitate to have sexual relations with her. After a fairly extensive exam, and conferring with his fellow cardiologists at the clinic, he looked me straight in the eyes. “Marty, I’m not sure this is such a good idea. It could prove fatal”. To which I replied,” Well Doctor, if she dies, she dies”.

 

For us that are dense, could we have a clarification of the Cardiologist and
Proctologist joke.