Trying to Cope
Hi Everyone - I just joined because reading all these messages has made me feel a little better. My pm was installed 3 weeks ago today, and I'm doing okay physically, but really fighting depression, which is so unlike me. I basically felt fine, had no symptoms, until I passed out twice and then, in the hospital, my heart stopped for 8 seconds. So now I have a back up battery.
It's all a little too science-fictiony for me. I had no prior warning that anything was wrong. I am 60, walk, garden, ride horses, and considered myself in really good health for my age. What the heck happened?
I think I should feel happy to be alive. But instead, I find myself chafing at the bit, wanting to DO stuff outside, and ride my horse, and garden, and now I can't for awhile longer. But I think it's this new self-image that is the hardest to cope with. Having this weird device that goes off and thumps every so often, and scares me. I think the doctor had the settings a little too high at first, and hopefully he will adjust them again so I don't feel this thing in me, but it makes me feel like a robot and not a human, and I don't like these feelings. Sorry for rambling. I'm hoping it will get better. A lot of your stories have inspired me to wait it out and have hope, so thanks.
8 Comments
all normal
by Tracey_E - 2009-04-07 02:04:29
What the heck happened? You got an alert that something was wrong before your heart stopped and didn't start up again. You were very close to being one of those people who went to sleep and never woke up again, and all the friends and family were left wondering what happened because she was always so healthy. It was a rude wake up call, but it was a wake call nonetheless ;o)
All of your feelings are perfectly normal! Emotional healing can take a lot longer than the physical, many doctors either don't tell you that or totally discount the emotional blow it is to learn you heart needs help. And it is a blow, don't beat yourself up for not accepting it overnight. Ask us your questions. Vent all you like. Keep reading our stories and see us living full, active lives. I got my first pm at 27 (I'm 42 now) and we have teens here who got them the day they were born. Most people who know me have no idea I have it- I look like all the other moms volunteering at school and all the other women at the gym chugging along on the elliptical.
Your heart is still setting the pace and beating on its own, throw out the science fiction mental image and exchange it for a guardian angel in shiny titanium. The pm just sits and watches most of the time. If your heart misses a beat, it'll step in and generate an impulse that starts one for you. Your problem is a fairly simple fix, once you heal you will likely find yourself feeling as good, if not better, than before. Sometimes the loss of energy is so gradual that we don't know how tired we were until we feel better. Many of us were shocked at how full of energy we were just weeks after surgery.
Settings can be adjusted easily. If you are feeling the pm work, ask to have it checked. Don't be shy about keeping on them until you are feeling great. The settings they send us home with are fairly standard, which means not always right for someone otherwise healthy and active. It's perfectly normal to take a few tries to get it just right, they like to make adjustments in small increments. If you ask for a copy of the pre- and post- reports, there are a few members here who can interpret all the jibberish for you.
It'll be ok! Take it easy on yourself until you're done healing, both emotionally and physically. Go take a walk and enjoy the spring. You can garden now, just be careful not to stretch the left arm too much and keep it below your shoulder. You'll be back on the horse before you know it. We've all been there and come through it, you will too!
Trying to Cope
by Island Girl - 2009-04-07 02:04:31
I got mine in July, 2008 at age 68. I didn't have any warning and blacked out on the floor. Called 911 and ER doctor said my heart stopped for 30 seconds a couple of times. Also had pauses of 8 to 12 seconds. I was given a pacemaker immediately. My old doctor said "At our age you can't expect perfection" My younger doctor told me "Learn to live with it or better yet learn to love it". The alternative to a pacemaker (death) is not acceptable to me. I also had a small stroke at the same time and have some short term memory loss. After I got out of the hospital, I looked around at the trees, sky and grandkids and thanked God for giving me more time to enjoy my life. I consider this a bonus. At first it was hard to believe I was dependent on a pacemaker 98 percent of the time. It takes awhile to accept and go on without thinking about it. It sometimes takes time to adapt.
Coping
by SMITTY - 2009-04-07 03:04:20
Hello NWGirl,
Welcome to the Pacemaker Club.
My experience is that we should never feel our pacemaker. So if you are feeling yours my suggestion is that you continue to contact the doctor until you are satisfied things are right for you.
As for your new self-image, let me ask a question. If you had lived in a house many years and never had a problem with the electrical system then suddenly one of the circuit breakers went on the blink and you had to have it repaired, would you feel any less kindly toward that house than you did before the circuit breaker problem. Well in a roundabout way, that is what has happened to your heart. The electrical impulses your heart's natural pacemaker had so faithfully sent day after day for yea many years suddenly quit being so faithful. And fortunately man had a made a device that can be implanted in our body to pitch in and help our when your hearts natural pacemaker is not performing up to par for whatever reason. But in reality, there is nothing wrong with the remainder of your body. It is just as good as it ever was so there is no reason you can't continue to enjoy all those things you have enjoyed over the years. That is unless you routinely use an electric welder. In that case you may have to take some precautions to keep that welder from interfering with the operation of you pacemaker.
You see your pacemaker, based on what you have said, is like the one most of have, it is an on demand pacemaker. It simply sits and monitors your heart's function and steps in only when your heart's natural pacemaker dose not function properly. The manmade PM may have to help out for one or even a few beats, but then it returns to the bench and waits to be called on again. The really good part is that it is not outside the realm of possibility that your heart's natural PM will return to being its old self and that new PM is just going to be along for the ride.
Here is part of one of your paragraphs "I think I should feel happy to be alive. But instead, I find myself chafing at the bit, wanting to DO stuff outside, and ride my horse, and garden, and now I can't for awhile longer. But I think it's this new self-image that is the hardest to cope with. Having this weird device that goes off and thumps every so often, and scares me. I think the doctor had the settings a little too high at first, and hopefully he will adjust them again so I don't feel this thing in me, but it makes me feel like a robot and not a human, and I don't like these feelings" that I am going to scold you about. Sure be happy you are alive just as you were happy to be alive before you got the PM. I can understand chafing at the bit a little, that should last only until you clear the first few weeks of healing from the surgery. After that it should be back to the good old days. As for the thumping, you seem to know what that is and what needs to be done to stop it, so stay in contact with your doctor about that as your telling him is the only way he will know things are not perfect.
So to repeat, give yourself a few days to get over this surgery as you would any surgery. After that you should be able to return to being the same vibrant person you apparently have been for many years.
I wish you the best,
Smitty
You will be fine
by marijke - 2009-04-07 05:04:23
NW Girl don't be sad. Everything will be allright! You are a lucky one! Marijke
Hang in there/Thanks for helpful messages
by rviolin - 2009-04-07 06:04:35
Hello out there:
1 week after having my pacemaker installed, it still feels like a bit of an alien presence, and I have the odd sensation that it's going to fall out of my body! I'm sure this will just take some getting used to.
I'm so grateful there's a support site like this where I can feel less isolated as a 46 year-old with a pacemaker whose story is very to "trying to cope"'s. Very active, healthy person who had trouble sleeping for a week. It was Sunday morning with a small amount of chest pain (which may, in retrospect have been heartburn) and there was no place to go but the emergency room. I was irritated at being held for 24 hours - standard for emergency room chest pain - and passed out 12 hours into my stay while blood was being taken. I had a 12 second pause, and two more shorter pauses later in the evening. The next day, I was scheduled for pacemaker surgery. What a concept to wrap my mind around.
I'm still kind of freaked out when I don't feel 100% and I wonder if something is terribly wrong. However, reading your posts makes me realize that it just takes time to get used to the change - both mentally and physically. Thanks for the support.
Richard
Thanks, you guys
by NWGirl - 2009-04-07 08:04:34
Everyone here is so supportive. I really appreciate being able to communicate with others who are going through, or have been through, the same stuff. Thanks for the good wishes, and the helpful advice. I had a good day today. I drove to town and did a whole bunch of errands. Everything went smoothly. Day by day, I feel like I'm more able to handle this. I will keep checking in with you, and keep chugging along, one day at a time. Take care.
PM
by Hot Heart - 2009-04-08 03:04:51
Hi there, just think of it as a fashion accessory! Of course there are days you will feel depressed, we have all been reminded that we are not invinsible, I felt really down for a while, especially with the probs with my legs as well. As one or two have said, we are the lucky ones, the problem has been sorted.
Go ahead and enjoy your life, just take care not to oust your leads in the early days.
Take care HH
You know you're wired when...
You participate in the Pacer Olympics.
Member Quotes
I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for pacemakers. I've had mine for 35+ years. I was fainting all of the time and had flat-lined also. I feel very blessed to live in this time of technology.
depression
by renee14150 - 2009-04-07 01:04:47
Hi welcome to the club... i have gone through alot..but after the inital implant i too was depressed for a few weeks. The best advice i got from my doctor was stop waiting for something to go wrong and get back to living...
Good luck hang in there
Renee