Acceptance
Curios:
About when or how long did it take for some of you to finally to come to accept your pacemaker? A month, a year, a day? I am 3 weeks shy of my one year anniversary and am interested in finding out other peoples answers.
I know I can't compare, and I can't be in anyone else's shoes as you can not be in mine....but am curious none the less.
Many thanks
Wenditt
13 Comments
Before I was even implanted
by heartu - 2010-08-20 03:08:50
I spent 5 days in the hospital while the doctors were trying to figure out why my HR was so low (in the 30s). I had no symptoms or problems beforehand. Even 2 days before I ended up in the ER my EKG was normal (go figure!).
On Wednesday, Feb 24th my heart stopped several times. It was at that moment that I accepted the fact that I had to have a pm to keep me alive. I had the 5 days in the hospital to come to terms that a pm may be an option if another problem couldn't be uncovered.So when the doctor said we're putting a pm in today, I accepted the pm as my "lifesaver".
I've had breast surgery, and CC section and have healed and life went on as usual. If not for the pm, there would not have been a "life" as usual.
Straight away
by andyuk - 2010-08-20 05:08:12
As my PM implant procedure was far easier than I had been expecting and I had only slight discomfort/required few painkillers, etc I felt really positive immediately. Didn't sleep much in hospital that night due to noise, and the pressure bandage irritating me. The following night (home) was the best night's sleep for ages!
I know I was lucky, and some get more pain, discomfort, etc but I had a fantastic "high" feeling for a few days because I knew everything had gone so well and I felt so much better.
My hobby is classic cars and this week, 8 weeks post-implant I took an engine out of one of my cars and have been able to lift normally.
Still get breathless walking up long, steep hills and have had a 24 hr ecg to try to get that sorted.
Andrew
Acceptance
by cfritza - 2010-08-20 05:08:18
Hi Wenditt,
I too am almost a year now (Oct). I must say things are a lot better and I have gotten back to totally living my life as before. But total acceptance? I think I am still in the makings, some day :) Best wishes to you!!
Longer than the guys who answered
by cruz - 2010-08-20 09:08:18
Had the implant in Feb 2010. I will agree that we are all on a different timetable. I had a real sense of relief that the procedure was FINALLY over. My condition was pretty severe and symptoms still not sorted out so maybe that plays a part. I would still have to sit down to watch Andrew taking an engine out and would most probably nod off to sleep so my energy level wasn't what I had expected and maybe that was a let down. Sleeping was a problem because it hurt to sleep in my normal position (left side). It may be a female thing...my implant still has a bump/bulge and you can trace every lead coming from it with your finger (which I find rather creepy). They said that the implant in men is not as noticeable because we gals don't have the fat to put it in as deep (HAH). That makes it harder to ignore or to forget it's there.
Cammy
Acceptance
by mike thurston - 2010-08-20 10:08:05
Good question. I have had my PM/ICD for 3 and 1/2 years and am 100 % PM dependent with no underlying rhythm. Very grateful to be alive and carrying on but don't think I have ever accepted my device or health condition. Still trying to do things like rock climb and mtb. bike and pretty much worry about the darn thing and what's next etc. etc. It scares me especially when I am alone in the dead of night and become aware of it self checking or like last night when after a break from riding 20 miles I started riding again and had some pvcs or something. I just hold my breath and continue on. I for sure have a difficult time caring about anything other than pursuing my passions and hanging with family and friends yet am stuck in the work a day world where I feel "they" just don't get it as we are all stuck on the treadmill wanting or needing more money. "Time is the final currency. Not Money, Not Power" (David Crosby).
Anyway I can live with it but don't know if acceptance is something I ever could do.
no accpetance
by Skyking - 2010-08-20 10:08:51
Been almost 8 weeks.... dont notice it, but not accepting it either.... I have no idea how much Im pacing either, will ask the doc or the nurse next week, doesnt really matter, I have it, I know its needed but I dont like it. But I live with it
Still an intruder
by Edouard - 2010-08-20 11:08:47
I got my implant on May 25 2010. Firstly, despite previous warnings, I did not accept that I needed a PM until the day that I did a faceplant on our HARDwood floor. I got PacMan the next business day. So acceptance of the need for this machine was quick.
The pain and soreness went away fairly quickly, but I could not go back to my competitive swimming for +/- 6 weeks. Now, I'm back in the water, but I have not stopped being aware of the lump in my shoulder. It doesn't hurt or physically bother me, but, after three months, I still think of it as an intruder in my body.
Regards
PM Acceptance
by SMITTY - 2010-08-20 12:08:36
Hello Wenditt,
It took me whatever amount of time it took for the soreness to get down to where I didn't notice it when I moved, which was about 2 days.
Possibly my quick acceptance was because I knew it was an on demand device and I was using it less than 3% of the time. Even though it paces the atrial 90%+ now, I still never think of the thing. I know I will continue to live if it quit this minute, although I probably woud not feel very good.
But we are all different, so I'll join you now and see what others have to say.
Smitty
Still counting...
by turboz24 - 2010-08-21 07:08:53
I'm coming up on 3 years September 14th and I still haven't "accepted" my ICD. I still consider it a foreign body. I know that I probably need it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
I think acceptance is easier if it's easy to forget, but in my case, since it's quite visible and I can still feel it when I move, not to mention the occassional pain, it's hard to simply ignore and forget.
about a year
by Hot Heart - 2010-08-22 05:08:32
Hi Wenditt! I think my second christmas was when I finally accepted it all, my daughter's mum in law got breast cancer, and I suddenly stopped feeling like the invalid. For the whole year she had been the one who was helping the kids with the garden, doing the decorating etc, with everyone saying to me, noooo you put your feet up, and then we suddenly got role reversal. She is almost at the end of her chemo and radiotherapy and had a mastectomy, she is doing OK, I feel soooooo thankful that all that happened to me was that I had a pacemaker.
HH
acceptance
by riodog - 2010-08-22 11:08:25
I'm a little over 1-1/2 yrs with my PM. I had complications and was zapped 3 times (only two of which I remember as the last one was in the ambulance), After I got over the fear of being zapped again, I have done rather well tho that took over a month. Most of the time I never think about it. I do try to not do too much and sometimes that's an excuse for what I don't want to do and I admit it. My stamina has never improved much and I get SOB easily which reminds what didn't improve. When my bra strap or the seat belt rub I remember it too. Most of the time I'm I'm fine and don't think about it at all. Since I am 100% paced, I'm grateful for it, ugly lump and all.
To Riodog
by cruz - 2010-08-23 09:08:44
I was beginning to think I was a bit alone. When I hear of these folks who are back at swimming and doing 20 miles I get a little frustrated because my symptoms didn't improve and my stamina, SOB continue. I'm grateful for the ICD and the safety it provides. I know we all have these different devices for different reasons and I keep having to remind myself that it's not that I'm a failure in not being able to ride a bike or swim. I think that's one of the tough things to accept. It's been 7 months and the seat belt is still a big pain for me too. Also every time I shower and dry off, I gently pat the bulge since it still creeps me out. I'm 100% paced too. Sorry for the whine. Oh well...time for me to end my "pity party"...I give myself 5 minutes of that and then I have to move on. At least it didn't turn into the "bitter ball" I occasionally throw for myself.
You know you're wired when...
Your device acts like a police scanner.
Member Quotes
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by 8thID - 2010-08-20 03:08:46
I've had my ICD for almost 4 weeks. Like Smitty, as soon as my soreness went away, I was able to partially forget about it. As days have passed, I've found myself thinking about it less and less. I do seem to dwell on it more if I'm not active. But I have felt so much better, I've been outdoors doing a lot with my wife and daughter. And when I'm out and active I don't dwell on it at all. I don't volunteer the fact that I have it, but have no problems talking about it if someone asks. I've found there are many misconceptions about PM's/Defib's. As far as acceptance--well, I really didn't see my device as anything more than a life saving medical device. And my medical restrictions are over tomorrow, so I'm going to start jogging more.
Jeff