10 yr old with pacemaker/ defibrillator

i babysit a 10 year old with a pacemaker/ defibrillator, she in on her second one now. she got it when she was 5 or 6 i'm not quite sure. but recently like last month she had to have her first one replaced and now lately i've noticed changes in her. she is lying about if she ate or not like she tells her mom she's eaten breakfast here and tell's me that she ate breakfast at home. things like that. so i'm worried about her. i know there is not a lot i can do because i'm not her parent, but i figured that there must be some way i can help her. i think she should be in some kind of counceling but he mom won't do anything for her. she doesn't really even talk to her mom. so today i got her to talk to me a bit and tell me what's bugging her and she told me that she is mostly afraid that she is going to die.... i tell you it was a very hard conversation to have with her. i am just wondering if anyone else has had to deal with this stuff (and i'm sure there are plenty of you) i'm also wondering if there are any books that might be good for her to read or something websites that would help. anything to help her understand what's going on. thanks in advance for any help.

7 Comments

Sad 10 yr old!!

by donb - 2009-11-04 09:11:36

Hi, I didn't want to be the first to post in referance to your questions but this hits everyone reading your questions. This young girl needs real support and I'm sure our members will give you some answers. Of course the best is from our very young members who have had the same experiences. If you haven't looked at our members postings please do so as getting posts from our young group would be most supportive for this young gal. At the age of 10 direct contact with others in similar conditions should be very positive in support. DojnB

Carolyn65

by Carolyn65 - 2009-11-04 10:11:46

This young lady, at the age of 10, might already may
becoming a "tween". Only 10, but her harmones may be working toward a lil' older. Not knowing where her PM scar is & how it looks, she may be having peer difficulties. She is probably going thru the stages of maybe having to undress in a PE/gym class into suitable clothes or something similar. Someone of her peers might have seen her PM scar area and is making a "big deal" out of it. She wants to be well accepted and liked, but she may feel "different" than other 10 year old girls. Young, "tween" girls can be very "cruel" in their "climb" to popularity. Someone, as in other girls, may have made fun of her eating habits, what she eats or how she eats, her weight if she is not slim as the TV thinks/says you should look, etc. Other girls/peers are and can be really cruel at this age. Young girls at that age think they are being looked at by the world thru a microscope and they want/need to be liked by everyone around them, young & old.

On the other hand, could this 10 year old have been "mistreated" by someone, as in a family member, a close friend, etc.? It might make her feel inferior.

This PM Club has a lot of answers ~ parents of young girls and you young girls, please comment and help this young lady. Maybe she needs the help of some "support groups". She can get endless help finding "groups" from her school counselor, school nurse, teen groups, etc. The school she attends OR the school the babysitter attends should have a wealth of information to help all involved. Best of Luck to all of you, Carolyn G. in TEXAS

hi!!

by Hot Heart - 2009-11-05 03:11:32

Good of you for taking the time to care. There are many many children nowadays, both boys and girls who have very negative body images, mainly because of the media coverage of anyone who is extremely thin being shown as being beuatiful and successful.

I work with many young people with eating disorders and negative body issues. There is a site called BEAT from which you may be able to get some good information, and also the young person herself may be mature enough to view it.

Anorexia is caused by so many issues that it is impossible to diagnose from a message on here, look at BEAT and see if there is anything on there which will help. Try to tell her mum not to complain about her own weight in front of her daughter and to find positive role models who arent stick insect thin.

She may possibly be being bullied by other kids at school because of her pm, bullies will pick on othersfor the slightest of reasons.

As the others have said let her know that her pm is going to help her live a normal life, that itjust kicks in and does a bit of work that her heart cannot do; it's important that she understands the function of the pm and the fact that it possibly makes her healthier than the other kids in the long run.

Good luck

HH

good for you

by Tracey_E - 2009-11-05 06:11:21

I applaud you for trying to help her. If she were my kid, she'd be in counseling but that's out of your control. What's up with the mom, doesn't she see what's happening or does she see and not care/not get it?

Lying about eating is a big warning sign for pre-teens. Early signs of anorexia, low self-esteem, fear- whatever's causing it, she's crying for help. I think you're already doing the best thing you can, let her know she has someone who cares and will listen. Encourage her to talk every chance you get. I'm no professional but I'm a mom of kids that age and I spend a lot of time with preteens in my volunteering. I've learned that gently letting them know you're there for them and you care, over and over again consistently over time, is usually enough to get them to open up. Sometimes getting it out, talking about what's scaring her, is enough to help. It sounds like she trusts you, so you're already over that first hump. Just keep doing what you're doing!

Assure her that her icd is there to make sure she does NOT die, she can think of it as her guardian angel. Maybe find some websites like this one and show her how her icd works and why it keeps her safe. Learning about her condition can help take away the fear.

You can ignore this paragraph if you like, but I'll toss it out there anyway... faith in God can help a lot with a fear of dying and coping with fear in general. I don't know if her mom takes her to church or it's something you'd be comfortable talking to her about, but the Bible has a lot of comforting words about fear. A pastor might be able to help calm her.

The guidance counselor at school might be a place to start, but I don't think they'll listen unless she or her mom asks for help. If you're not a guardian they will not talk to you but it can't hurt to try, to at least alert them that one of their kids has a problem that's not being dealt with at home. And they probably do not have another child with an icd and likely haven't seen it before, so don't be surprised when they don't have any experience with her situation. I was diagnosed when I was 5. I'm 43 now and STILL have not had a single doctor with another case similar to mine, and that includes a lifetime of cardiologists. That's part of what makes the internet great, this forum is the first time I've ever talked to others like me. I'm downright normal around here! It's a great feeling.

You may find some help on a yahoo group for kids and parents of kids with pacemakers,
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/heartblockkids/
I suspect she doesn't have heart block (it's usually treated with pm, not icd) but you'll still find support and advice, at the very least you can find her some other kids her age to talk to. Is she allowed internet access? My girls are 11 and 12, I let them use Facebook and have an email account under my supervision. But don't do that without her mom's permission, I know I'd have a cow if my kids were online without my knowledge even if you did have the best of intentions.

Good luck!

thanks

by gibson8026 - 2009-11-05 11:11:41

i'd just like to say thanks to all of you for your support. the girl i look after worries me so because her mom (not that i like to complain about her as it is her mom and she's not my kid but this is what i see and how i feel) she tends to tease corrinne about everything, corrinne is very slim she is tall for her age also, she doesn't have many friends at school, so i do tend to believe that some of her probablems are of feeling that she doesn't fit in. her mom is a single mother, and she is pretty good about making corrinne's needs met in every other department, and she defantly loves and worries about corrinne just like everyone else but she just sometimes doesn't seam to get it. she herself had a rough up bringing and her mother teased her also so it's almost like she believes that it's just part of growing up. but i know it's not helping corrinne's self esteme at all. corrinne is 10 and she doesnt read real well yet but i was wondering if there are any books out there for kids to help them understand this type of stuff? I'm going to see if i can find her a book about hearts in general and mabey one on pacemaker/defibrillators but i live in a small town and it's hard to find stuff. I also had a heart to heart with her (pardon the pun) and she will not talk to her mom about stuff. i think that the reason is that her mom just seams to shrug her off and doesn't really do much to help her through her fealings. she's made feel like her feelings don't matter. so i suggested that she start a jernal. that way she could at least kind of get some of her thought's out. so today i bought her a book and i'm attaching a lock to it so she can keep it to herslef or share it if she wants to.
I also have one more question/ consern. she tell's me that she keeps waking up at night feeling like her pacemaker/defibulator is shocking her. she says it makes her arms and legs feel kind of numb? has any one had this happen to them? i don't know what to tell her because i'm not there when it happens and her mom just pretends to be sleeping when corrinne trys to wake her up. I'm asuming the dr.s haven't seen anything wrong with the pm as she has been for check ups but corrinne forgot to tell the dr about it last tiime so i t hought that is an other way the jernal would come in handy i told her to right stuff down that she want's to ask her dr. or tell the dr. then she can remember.
thanks again for all the support i just don't know what to do for her as she is not my child and i don't want to cause probablems with the mom eather. it's a hard situation to be in. but thanks again :)

I don't think her problem is Anorexia.

by tcrabtree85 - 2009-11-06 01:11:16

Hi,
I am 24 but developed my heart issues at 21 though they told me that I had them as a child and why I had my issues back then.
I don't know of any books for you I have spent hours looking for good ones myself but none that really took the time to explain to me how my emotions would feel and how everything worked. I got my best answers from talking to people on this site. Which to a shocker I went a day after surgery to the library and the ladies looked up for every book and could not find one for me so turned to the internet and they found this club.
I don't think that Corrinne has a eating disorder at all by what you say. I think she is seeking out for somebody to listen to her and give her the comfort she needs. I don't always think that is through a parent and I think God has blessed you with the chance to counsel and be a mentor to a young girl that has a lot on her plate.
The likely hood she is feeling something at night is so likely. I feel a lot of things that don't show up but my Dr's will never say that nothing is happening. The fact that this little girl is on her 2nd one as I recall means b/c she is younger she has a lot more scar tissue also developing and if it is recent she is still healing and of course her nerves may be adjusting.
The other thing that I have learned is that the younger you are the more you feel. So far I have never had a Dr be in shock when I can be hooked up and say I am pacing right now and tell when I am not. The younger you are the more in tune you are with your body.
I guess what I am saying is it's kind of normal what she is feeling and how she is feeling. Her surgery was a month ago she is healing. I had my replacement and it took me two months to get back into eating normal. When you are in pain and have discomfort you sometimes just don't feel like eating.
I pray that you will find the answers you need to guide her to be comfortable with things. Your journal idea was a great idea. I have to write down everything I want to ask my Dr. b/c I have a horrible memory.

Many blessings and prayers!
Tammy

thank you Tammy

by gibson8026 - 2009-11-06 09:11:38

hi i just wanted to thank you for your kind words, i don't think she has an eating disorder eather i just worrie about her. and your probably right the surgery was only a little over a month ago so it will still be affecting her nerves and still healing. I'm just going to keep doing what i'm doing and get her to talk to me as much as she needs to. and continue to read stuff here and mabey read some of it to her. thanks again :)

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