The importance of Medic-Alert

Yesterday I stood there carrying my basket in a line full of carts. The sign above read ten items or less. I glanced down and counted my four items. I think maybe the store should re-word the sign to:
“If you have more items than your fingers- you’re in the wrong line.”
Maybe then people would learn how to count. Better yet, maybe the clerk should just pick ten items at random from people’s overflowing carts.
“Okay which ten items would you like me to scan today?”
So the clerk continues to scan. The lady in front of me keeps shoveling her items on top of the conveyor. Finally I see the bottom of the buggy in front of me.
The child seated in the cart continues her slobbery, toothless grin.
“How much for the little girl?” I smiled and asked myself.
So 100 items and 300 dollars later, it occurs to me that the lady in front of me is actually a Wells Fargo executive using bail-out money to purchase her Oreos. I'm fuming by this point.
Surprisingly my four items were scanned before the clerk had a chance to acknowledge my existence, and my debit exchange took all of three minutes.
Freedom awaits as I head for the magnetic doors, my lone bag in hand and suddenly my stride comes to a screeching halt as the anti-theft alarm goes off. I have nothing on me, nor in my bag, that would cause the alarm to sound, but yet I was forced to stand there in the doorway – my heart beating wildly.
“Stop!” the attendant ordered.
Suddenly as I begin to see flashes of light and hear faint noises, I begin to wonder if this is it.
“Is this how it ends?” I quickly ponder, as my life flashes before my eyes.
I fall into the arms of a security guard who ironically looks a lot like George Clooney. He notices my medic alert bracelet, smiles, and sets me free.
See the importance of medical identification?
Life just hasn’t been the same since my pacemaker implant.

5 Comments

I've made it this far

by Angelie - 2009-02-10 02:02:09

I'm come all this way, and I've made it this far somehow without being noticed. It's been hard playing this double life. Just ya'll watch out- I'm liable to take ya'll down with me. If you give me up, there you'll go also.
LOL

You'll never make it as a comic

by ted - 2009-02-10 08:02:50

You ought to be on the Stage... There is one leaving at noon.

keep moving

by aldeer - 2009-02-10 11:02:40

Either keep moving in or out, but do not stay right in the doorway. Mine has gone off a couple of times and I had heard that advice. Here is this little grey haired old lady looking very bewildered and saying "I have a pacemaker" and the young clerk had no idea what a pacemaker was!!
Life goes on.....just move out of the doorway... aldeer

You are funny

by Mikey likes everything - 2009-02-10 11:02:45

Your story has made me wonder if the magnetic doors might cause me to get shocked?
And now my wife claims that I have a shocking personality.

That's funny......Ted

by Angelie - 2009-02-11 01:02:54

I wasn't even trying to be funny, but yet you somehow thought that I was trying? Hmmmmm.......makes me wonder.
Oh, and speaking of stages. I love stages. I move through many of them everyday. Sometimes at noon, sometimes at 3, sometimes they're better late than never, but the set is ever changing.......
oh the joys of having a revolving set on a steady stage.
Funny.......hilarious.....life

You know you're wired when...

You run like the bionic man.

Member Quotes

I have had my pacer since 2005. At first it ruled my life. It took some time to calm down and make the mental adjustment. I had trouble sleeping and I worried a lot about pulling wires. Now I just live my life as I wish.