fears

my boyfriend recently had heart attack and was implanted w a pace maker/defibulater and he is having alot of fears and concerns... it has only been like three weeks... he died and they brought him back we are possibly looking for a support group or people to talk to to help him along his journey. he is afraid to be alone or go places alone and not sure what the future holds. can anyone help him w some info and support from your experience strength and hope.

9 Comments

fear

by Tracey_E - 2010-05-31 09:05:21

Know that what he's going through is perfectly normal! We have members here who have been through something similar, I'm sure someone will say hi soon. You also might want to check at the hospital or American Heart Association/Mended Hearts local chapter for support groups that meet in person. There aren't many pm/icd groups but there are lots of heart attack groups. Good luck.

He is not alone

by wenditt - 2010-05-31 10:05:00

I have a PM. Got mine in September. I am 33 and it was a shock.

I have good days, and bad days, sad days, scary days, I pretty much run the gammit! But I am getting better and more confident. I come here for pep talks...and the members really come through for me. They have become like family.

I've gotten an enormous amount of help and support from this site and the wonderful people here.

I also recommend inviting him to see a psychologist or someone in that type of field. Sometimes it's better to talk it out than live it out "alone." Perhaps asking his cardiologist to set him up with another patient who has had a similar situation...someone who can really understand him.

It's a scary thing to think about our own mortality. I think that may truly be the crux of my fears. But each day brings new hopes.

Hoping he finds his way and some comfort soon.
Best Wishes
Wenditt

missmoday

by LS - 2010-05-31 10:05:40

I'm glad your BF is still here, alive!!
Oh, post anxiety after surgery is very normal & common too.
Have him visit here, ask questions & some of the wise long timers from here can surely answer many of your questions.
Take care, both of you.
Liz

fear

by Bionic Beat - 2010-05-31 10:05:48

Yep, it's normal to have post heart attack anxiety.

Can I just correct one statement, he did not die, he had a heart attack or arrest.

I know it can feel like that, but it's not really or he wouldn't be lucky enough to be here now.

It takes some adjusting, time will help with a lot of it but the sooner he gets out and about, the sooner he'll feel more secure within himself.

Heart 'stuff' is very frightening but many of us are still here against all odds.

Tinciture of time and some support should help a lot.

Best wishes,

Bionic Beat

Flat liner

by Jack - 2010-05-31 11:05:15

Hi,
I have chronic A-fib and on my 6th try at electrocardioversion I flat-lined. They used CPR to revive me and then I did it again. CPR did the trick again. They rushed me down and put in a temporary PM and put the permanent one in the nest morning.
That was 3 yrs. ago this Saturday and I've been fine ever since with my wonderful PM keeping me going. I pray your boyfriend experiences the peace I have knowing that each day has been a gift that I can happily share with others.
Trust that little PM and carry on with life. If you curl up in a ball and wait for it to happen again, you are not using your gift nor experiencing the happiness that life brings.
Best wishes,
Jack

It will get better

by Genie - 2010-06-01 04:06:41

Your boyfriend's on a journey that takes everyone their own amount of time,. I had a PM in March, and for the first month and a half I was anxious every day. I was depressed, fed up, and frightened. Terrified the PM wouldn't work, or I'd end up back in the hospital.

Now most of the time I'm ok. It's up and down - yesterday I got in a panic again, and today I'm not feeling so great. But Wenditt is right - this site is amazing, and everytime I've needed help my friends on the PM club have been there to lift me up and help me keep going. Perhaps your boyfriend can post how he feels here when he is ready - we know what he's going through, and that will really help. It's ok to feel scared, and it's completely normal after being through something like this. And with time it will get better.

Genie

Welcome!

by Loopy Lou - 2010-06-01 07:06:43

Just wanted to pop my head in and say a warm welcome from UK! I am a 45 year old mum of 2 youngsters and was very scared when I found out about my heart in 2008 - consequently I now have Gerry The Pacemaker! and without the love and support from the bunch in here and friends and familyI don't know how I would have gone on.

You will find all sorts of people in here, from all walks of life - but the one thing in common is that we all have heart problems and we all need support.

Make sure you and your boy-friend pop in everytime you have any questions, or on a 'low'. You will find one of us to cheer you up or offer advice - and when the time is right, you will find we are totally fun loving and just a bit crazy so you will find laughter with us too! You will see we post messages on here that have nothing to do with pacemakers, de-fibs etc etc - it is just us wanting to chat about 'us' in a non-medical kind of way! For example, us Pacer Chicks are starting our 8 week diet today! and you will see some crazy postings!! We also chat about what we are up to, home life, family, pets etc! But do ask the gang about medical issues as you can listen to what they have to say before seeing your doctor.

Please stay in touch and hope to see you again very soon!!

Love & Fluffy Hugs, Loopy Lou (UK) xxxxxxxxx

I know how he feels

by walkerd - 2010-06-01 07:06:47

when they found my chf and had all the tests they said I had had 4 or 5 heart attacks had to undergo high risk bypass and then a month later had my pm/defib insertion. i was scared to death but my cardioligist told me to think of it as if I had a little emt with me 24/7 I kept telling myself that and it put my mind to ease after awhile, it will take time, at first I was also scared to go to sleep thinking i wouldnt wake up./ It will take time he to will cope with it like said above it is normal to be scared. good luck and tell your boyfriend it is normal.
dave

Fears

by cruz - 2010-06-01 09:06:07

In the beginning, right after diagnosis, it was more that my daughters were afraid for me to be alone. I was worn out from answering their constant phone calls, just to assure themselves that I was ok. They are just starting to feel better, although any little thing can set off the alarms for them. I currently have a cold and since they have determined that I have Viral Dilated Cardiomyopathy, they are terrified that another virus will attack my heart. Sometimes I worry that I won't beat the statistics, but most of the time, my biggest fear or the thing that causes me the most depression is the fact that my life/lifestyle has truly changed. This is all very hard to wrap your head around and I still have those moments. When I do, I come over here to the Boards and just spill out my fears or worries and someone is always there to get me through my little panics. There are many good listeners and many people who have experienced exactly what you are going through and they are here for you two. All the best wishes to you both,

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