I want my life back
I feel like crap, and am tired of it. I'm tired of feeling this way. How ironic how we thought a pacemaker would be the answer to my problems. Now I'm dependent on the dang thing and I'm sitting up at 3am feeling just as bad as I did 8 years ago. In and out of tachycardia, but yet 100% atrial paced. Now does that even makes sense? My rate response is set pretty high because without it I can't do anything. I'm sitting here, not even moving and my rate is high, but my last interrogations have consistently showed an underlying junctional rhythm. This is ridiculous. I would just like to feel better for a change. I would take how I felt 4 months after my first pacer surgery and I ran my first 5k. I'll go back to that time period any day. My how things have changed in just 2 years. Good grief.
Frustrated and sleepless,
Angelie
6 Comments
SPUNK ~ ~
by Carolyn65 - 2010-06-27 06:06:03
Angelie, don't ever give up that Great spunk I have seen and heard in some of your posts/comments. It is easy for me to say, 'this too shall pass', but God will take care of you. Answers come with time ~
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Maybe you need to see another cardio/EP, talk to your PM rep or find somone here in your PM Club to help you along with some of the experiences and solutions they have gone thru. Life is not always the pits ~ sometimes it is a bowl of cherries.
Let us hear from you Angelie. You know ALL of us are here for you ~ just get on the PM website.
With Love and Bear Hugs to You,
Carolyn G. in TEXAS ~ Given Lemons? Make Lemonade (w/vodka) ~
completely understand!!!
by sam78 - 2010-06-28 11:06:08
Angelie.. I COMPLETELY know how you feel!!! Hear we thought life would be improved by our pacemakers and yet we continue to have problems. SUCKS!!!!! It makes 100% complete sense to me that you are 100% paced in the atria and still have junctional tachycardia. Please do NOT take this the wrong way.. (when people make me feel like I dont know what I have or what I am talking about it makes me mad)... but do you understand what junctional tach is and where it originates in the heart? Maybe I dont know exactly what you have. but from my rhythm knowledge.. junctional rhythm originates from the AV junction, not the atria so it would make sense to me that you would still have junctional tach even if you are 100% paced in the atria. (wow I just pulled that from the cob webs of my rhythm training days). Again I dont have all the answers nor the complete knowledge of what you have but why dont they go ablate the #$(( out of your AV area? I know you have had lots of issues.
maybe we could switch
by sam78 - 2010-06-28 11:06:49
you can have my av node ablation and I will take your SA node ablation... DEAL????
dear angelie
by Pookie - 2010-07-01 10:07:10
I just wrote a lengthy post but deleted it as you pretty well know my background and history.
Angelie, all I can say is never give up hope, always believe that your answer will arrive some day.
I know, oh my gawd I know, how hard it is to sit there day in and day out feeling like complete crap wondering "why me?"
My suggestion is that you have to believe in something. Mine was I truly believed that one day I would have some of my life back and it happened about 3 weeks ago. OMG how I suffered for 13 yrs. Thirteen years!!!
The answer was I never gave up. Deep down, I never gave up. I don't have my life back as I once knew it, far from it, - but my physical pain is almost gone. It took ME pushing doctor after doctor after doctor until finally I found a couple who believed me and cared enough to help.
I cried every day for the past 5 yrs. Every day. Just thinking about that now makes me cry...LOL.
It's an uphill battle, but go find a doctor who is willing to take you on. Interview them, ask them if they are willing to take on such a complex case....that is what I had to do.
One day Angelie, your day will arrive. I totally believe that.
If ever you need to just vent, you know how to contact me in several different places/ways .... lol.
Keep your chin up.
Hugs,
Pookie
You know you're wired when...
You have a $50,000 chest.
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angelie
by jessie - 2010-06-27 05:06:06
hi i am sorry you are feeling awful. i am up too but mostly because i hardly ever sleep now only every two or three days as i am worried about my husband's sick condition. it is very painful to watch him lose his vibrant personality and desire to live. i can only say to keep looking for answers like pookie did.she also has the junctional rhythym problem. sorry again. hugs jessie