My father's decision is not to have his pm battery

by popandop
2010-07-26 08:07:26
Batteries & Leads
2165 views
10 comments

The post from the lady whose mother chose not to have her pm replaced resonated with me. My daddy is 93 1/2, his wife, my stepmother, died four months ago. Right after her death Daddy was due for his three month pm check and was told he had about six months of battery life left. He is 100% dependant on his pm (according to the cardiologist). Daddy weighed his options and declared he is ready to go home! He has since then been hospitalized with a broken ankle from a fall. During his stay he signed a living will that states he is to receive comfort care but DNR otherwise. The doctor recomennded that I contact Hospice and I did and absolutley love them. Last week the RN who has Daddy's case said that she could detect a couple of extra beats in his heart rate. So far it has been a true roller coaster ride, he sometimes seems great then others he is a little out of breath and confused. He has begun to sleep more during the daytime and experiences some minor CHF. I really don't know what to expect.

I welcome any input.

10 Comments

Ready To Go Home ~ ~

by Carolyn65 - 2010-07-26 09:07:05

My Grandmother was 95 in 1995 and was very alert when she passed away. She had made her own decision to become one of God's precious Angels.

Several times in her '80's, she had asked me, "what does it take to die"? I always kidded her and told her we just did not have time for a funeral! Of course, she laughed with me. Back then, it was a 'inside' joke.

When the time came to die, she knew it was near. She had been hospitalized with stomach pain and the Dr. had found a small tear in her stomach lining. The Dr. explained to her Family she could have 'repair' surgery which may not work or she could be allowed to die. "What did the Family want to do"? As the oldest Grandaughter & she had 'raised' me, I looked at the Dr. and my Grandma's grown children and said, "Let's go ask her". My Grandma, a true Christian, told the Dr. she was ready to die, she wanted to go to her Lord. My Grandmother prepared all of us with this statement, this comforted us and we were able to 'let go' knowing she did, indeed, want to die. She passed July 3, 1995.

When my Husband had terminal brain cancer in 2003, I had asked a home nurse what to expect 'when the end became near'. She said he would begin to sleep more and more. This was not his case, but is the normal. You mentioned your Father sleeping more. Meds may be making him a lil' incoherent also. Hospice is the most wonderful God send we have ever had.

Since your Father has requested, in good mind and faith, I would think, I would accept his directive to the hospital and Family. It is good he has and can make his own decisions up to now. Your Father may be asking you and his Family for 'permission' if it is alright if 'he goes'. It is so hard to 'let go' of a loved one, but sometimes, you just have to tell them, "it is okay to leave us, we love you and want what you want". We had to do this.

This is only what I would do. This is not in anyway telling anyone what they should do. I do not mean this in any way to hurt or 'step on anyone's toes'.

Please let us hear from you and your Father.

God Bless You and Your Families,
Carolyn G. in TEXAS ~ Take Time to Enjoy Life ~

Daddy's decision re: pm battery and other issues

by popandop - 2010-07-26 09:07:17

Thank you so much for your conforting words. Daddy has COPD as well as active ie., non-responsive prostate cancer (PSA is climbing inspite of Lupron treatments) so I can understand his request. I told him if he gets there first to tell Jesus I can't wait to see him and should I get there first I'll tell him daddy is coming. That seemed to appease him. He says everyday he is ready to die and I told him that is in the Lord;s hands. I do pray that God will take him soon and not let him suffer.

To Die....

by Pookie - 2010-07-26 11:07:41

It's just my opinion, but I not only agree with what both you and Carolyn have said, but I also applaud you both that you have such courage, grace, and compassion to understand another person's wishes.

It's hard to let go, that is only human. I died twice after complications with my initial pacemaker surgery and just know (for me at least) I did not suffer and it was the most beautiful experience I ever had and didn't want to come back.

I now look at life with a new set of eyes, and so many other good things have happened to and for me since; one being that now I know I will not be afraid to die. It's just hard to leave your loved ones behind, but you will meet again:)

Pookie

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT

by pete - 2010-07-27 01:07:09

I intend to keep going as long as it is humanely possible provided I am not in continuous extreme pain. But I do concede that is my personal wish and others may have different views. I hope to live to be 100, im 63 at the moment. Cheers Peter

Chosing to die

by ElectricFrank - 2010-07-27 01:07:56

When we reach the point your father is at the choice really isn't one of choosing to die but rather choosing to stop the desperate attempts to stay alive. As more and more ways to support a life that is reaching an end become available this is going to become a pressing decision.

This doesn't make it any easier on those who are left behind. Having gone through the experience of having my wife of 48 yrs die 3 years ago I miss her very much, but letting go of her was my final expression of love. Keep that in mind as things progress.

frank

Young ~ ~

by Carolyn65 - 2010-07-27 03:07:16

pete: For those humans who are not terminally ill and are feeling 'purty darn' good, I think, 'you are as young as you feel'. 63 is a very low figure in today's life.

pete: I have Family members who are couch potatoes all day long, and when they talk, it is always 'doom & gloom' and 'whoa is me'. Then I have Family members who are like an 'energizer bunny' ~ they just never slow down. They can not get enough done in 24/7 and they still have time to go out and help others in need or who are ill and need someone/something.

Some mornings, I have to 'feel' to see if I am alive, then the day begins. What a beautiful and wonderful Blessing to have just been able to open my eyes.

God takes care of his 'Children' when in need. God Bless all the patients and families who have reached the 'end'. God Bless All of You ~

Bear Hugs to All and May God Bless ~
Carolyn G. in TEXAS ~ Have You Heard HIS Voice Today ~

death

by LS - 2010-07-27 05:07:03

I admire you for letting your loved one do as they wish.
I was in a bit of a different position when my dad was ill. He would have done chemo forever, "for us kids", but it was all of us who asked him to stop. (Knowing it would no longer help & was so rough on him after his radiation could be done no longer)
It's so hard, and I miss him terribly, but he is in a better place.
Liz

death

by sugar - 2010-07-27 05:07:54

I at only 60 with a pm only 10 months ago might not want to have a new pm put in. I also died 6 yrs. ago from intestinal blockages and the peace was something that does not exist on earth. I needed to come back because I had my mother for almost 10 yrs. so while in the hospital my husband stopped my business and I haven't worked since. My mother died in 2005. I was able to give her a shower everyday and blow dry her hair which she just loved. I pampered her for 10 yrs. and don't regret a moment. When she needed open heart surgery at 80yrs. old, I asked her what she wanted to do and she went for it and continued to live another 8 yrs. I cared about her wishes and did as any daughter/child would do, I did what was asked of me. You were brave in allowing every grace that is granted in life and death to someone you love. I know that I crossed a line where there was no pain and a peace I have not felt since.
My pm is 100% and 67% - my son will care for me in some ways, just not the way I would want. Grieve with peace knowing you are fullfilling a dream we all want, heaven.
Sugar/Patty

Thank you all for sharing

by COBradyBunch - 2010-07-27 06:07:06

Thank you all for sharing such personal stories. I know myself and my wife (who is a health care professional and has seen way too much death in her life) both have already prepared living wills and we both know our wishes. When our daughter is old enough to handle it she will also be told, and then our son when he is old enough. It is something that needs to be discussed in families so if or when such a time comes, everyone understands what is being done and why, whether the choice is to do everything possible or to let a loved one go with as much grace and dignity as possible. My wife has unfortunately seen battles where families were at odds and loved one's last days were not spent being surrounded by those they loved but by their being a pawn in a family struggle, dare I say tragedy.

This decision is one that starts with the person, then the family, then the doctors. I only hope that when my time comes, if it comes down to that (and recently I had an event in my life that but for being very lucky could easily have had an outcome where it could have come down to that) my family will know and abide by those wishes.

Popandop I know your time left with your dad is something very special.

To everyone else,

Peace to all.

Your Daddy...

by gigi_c - 2010-07-28 04:07:56

Hello, my thoughts are with you in so many ways.. My story is long so I will just share a single comment made to me that has allowed me to be at peace that it was my brothers time to go Home

We all have an appointment with God only God knows the exact time this will be

enjoy what time you have with your daddy and try not to look for the signs of death.. Everyone is different. My whole family read the literature from hospice on what to expect however I didnt. For some it brought comfort others it made them jumpy every time something resembled a sign I just wanted to be with my brother in pure spirit whatever he was experiencing good or bad I wanted him to know I was right there next to him to hold his hand and help him through it.

He lived with me and when he became bed ridden or just preferred to stay in bed I would sit in his room and we would watch TV together, sometimes he was awake others times he was not. I just wanted him to feel my presence to know he was not alone

My heart goes out to you and your family absorb as much time as you can with you daddy

On a real personal note my only regret I have is I did not record my brothers voice before he passed. I just always thought I would have his cell-phone voicemail voice to go to (since I paid the bill). I did until a family member turned his cell phone off without letting anyone know and his voice was gone forever I tried everything to get it back, it is lost forever

If this is important to you, put some thought into preserving his voice

God be with you and your family
GiGi

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I am 100% pacemaker dependant and have been all my life. I try not to think about how a little metal box keeps me alive - it would drive me crazy. So I lead a very active life.