=(
I'm struggling now. I can't keep up the way I am. I feel like I can't work or do anything. Seeing 3 doctors a week now. I'm stating to think im honest to goodness crazy. I keep self deluding myself thinking things will get better. I just am struggling to keep going.
5 Comments
Grandson...
by donr - 2011-03-04 08:03:46
Yep - you are the same age as my two older grandsons.
Were you one of them, the first thing I'd do is grab you by the lapels & give you a good, hard slap across the face to get your attention. If that didn't work, I'd use the standard way of getting a teenager's attention - hitting you w/ a 2X4.
MOF, I just had this discussion w/ the number two GS last Thanksgiving!!! Did it do any good? Who knows - too soon to tell.
Life just plain ain't easy for a kid passing through the teen years - rampaging hormones; changing status from child to adult; brain finishing out its ability to reason & make hard choices & good judgment.
Piling on top of the normal stresses, you have had a 750 lb gorilla of heart problems climb aboard your shoulders.
What you have sent to us all sounds like one of two things -
1) a cry for help, or
2) a cry for attention.
No. 1 is legit - No. 2 is a personal problem.
I doubt that you are crazy. You have survived this long w/ a load few teens could carry. You have been issued a lemon - now go make lemonade out of it.
It sounds like you suffer frustration, probably isolation, a great sense of feeling different, a feeling of inadequacy like an odd duck. I forgot - throw in a little stress.
No one can help you but YOU. I once heard a counselor say that "You cannot want something for someone else." True. Three Dr's a week cannot get you better by wanting it for you. Only YOU can turn this thing around. Now, that being said, you need someone else to bounce this problem off of - someone who ends 99% of their sentences w/ a question mark, not a period or exclamation point. Someone who can guide you through the maze of entangled monkeys you carry on your shoulders - monkeys that, BTW are very, very real.
Take this from a virtual grandfather - go find yourself someone to listen & help YOU find insight into your CHALLENGES. You have been given a rare gift that didn't exist when my children were your age - a gift of life.
Mr. Medtronics would not really appreciate seeing you squander his gift to you in a miserable life of despair, misery and self pity!
Sermon over - now go forth and have a good day!
If you'd like to chat - send me a private msg. Be glad to listen a bit.
Don
The Other Don
by donb - 2011-03-04 12:03:44
Hi, If I remember it's Alex. Anyhow I'm not going to get quite as harsh, BUT I truly hope you read all the posted support given you. Now as a young person as you are I'm sure you're quite proficient in handling this web site. I'm 79 and find it challening sometimes but I do go over many hours & hours of postings & comments. I find there were people young & old pouring out their hearts to you with more comments than I ever received from any I ever posted.
I have gone back more than 4 years under general postings to follow progress on some members. As I've only been on here a couple of years I've learned more from member's progress & problems than any other means. I check each member's age, their BIO, location. What I'm trying to tell you, Use this site for your support, it's up to you as you are not alone and also be forgiving if someone steps on you tail. I also know what depression is all about, been there!! I have always felt better after studying other member's postings. donb
Hey Alex
by walkerd - 2011-03-05 06:03:24
I was looking at your pic you posted of Halloween 2010, your a good looking lad and look a little happier in that photo, go into your mind and think of good times that you have had, there will be more believe me. You need to stop bottleing all this in side my friend. There are alot of people on here that will listen and give advice or just be here for you. Like said above alot has been thrown on your plate at such a young age, but consider the people that are worse off than you, I for one have heart damage and have been told heart transplant in my near future, did this news bum me out heck yes did I crawl into a pit of dispair, NO, Enjoy What You Have Been Given, LIFE...........I cant believe there is nothing you enjoy doing that wouldnt take your mind off of feeling despair and sorry for yourself. I know you have had pms sent to you from a young lady who has alot more thrown on her plate than you have and does not let it get her down to the point that she talks like you do. Dont let this happen Alex, like said pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go on my friend, Life Is Precious and worth the effort. Just DO IT~!!!!!!!
Dave
Umm really?
by Broken Hearted Jane - 2011-03-07 02:03:33
While I myself am all for facing your fears and taking an extremely proactive role in your recovery (in regards both physical and mental), I'm a little surprised at the lack of gentleness with which you are being addressed in this particular discussion. If you had given up, you wouldn't be posting on this board. I do not think that you need lecturing but real suggestions on how you might be able to help yourself. I know what it is to be young and dealing with medical issues that do not seem fair. Anybody can tell you that life is worth living, but until you believe it for yourself, you will continue to be miserable. So I will tell you what keeps me afloat, for that is all I can do.
1) Short-term goals. If you're terrified of leaving the house (as I am at the moment after having three arrhythmias since the beginning of February - I have hypertrophic cardiomyopathy with an ICD), work with your doctors to come up with a plan of things you can do inside your house to help your condition or your anxiety. When you feel like you're doing everything you can to improve your situation, there is less room to feel it's your own fault. (Being too harsh on yourself only worsens things.) I would recommend cognitive behavior therapy workbooks for anxiety and depression. Dr. David Burns' "When Panic Attacks" and "Feeling Good" are excellent. If you're stuck at home, you might as well do your homework. It will probably help you sort out some emotional issues that do not have anything to do with your medical condition, also.
2) Emergency remedies. What would make you feel better right now? Remember what you loved before you felt miserable, and try to love it again. I watch "Arrested Development" on DVD when I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I listen to Harry Potter on audiobook. (Yes, I'm 25 years old. Don't laugh.) I also read foreign fashion magazines. (Eh, don't even ask.) These things take me out of the moment when I am feeling trapped. Sometimes it helps just to know that you've got a backup plan and can feel better within the hour.
3) Dreams. I want to go back to film school over in London. I'd like to see my novel get published. I'd like to live for a month in Istanbul. Unrealistic? Possibly. But who cares? Know what you want and plan on doing it. I think about these things every day and it keeps me motivated to get well in the short-term.
4) Perspective. Sometimes just getting some perspective does me worlds of good. I often remind myself that there are always people who have it worse than I do. Thinking about children in Bangladesh who do not have clean water to drink or the crimes committed against women in central Africa makes my problems seem small for a moment. Morbid, yes. But I say do whatever works.
I hope this has not been too prescriptive. Of course, I am neither a physician nor a mental health professional so this advice based upon nothing more than my personal experience. All I can tell you is that every time I get in a place I think I'll never get out of, I end up being wrong. Even if I've relapsed (ahem, right now) and had to do more work on the anxiety, I've always recovered. Please try to take comfort in the fact that you are not original in this sense. Many other people have the condition you have (along with depression and anxiety), and many end up being fine. I consider myself one of them.
You know you're wired when...
You run like the bionic woman.
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Struggling
by Gellia3 - 2011-03-04 01:03:03
Hi,
To those of you that struggle with depression trying to feel normal. It can and will happen!
I have had a PM for nearly 36 years now. I don't think I have missed a thing! It can be done. My first few years were like yours. I was only 26 and lived alone away from all family. I had a stroke with it and had to recover alone. That was 1975.
You can get it all back together and live a normal life. I'm a grandmother now. My life has been a ball. Once your physical health feels a bit better you, too, can have a normal, don't miss a thing, life.
Best wishes for health and life! Tomorrow is a brand new day!
Gellia