newbie
I just had an ICD implanted 2 weeks ago yesterday. It was extremely unexpected, I have known pretty much my entire life I had an abnormal heart rhythm, but a few months ago I started having dizzy spells and I passed out in January. My cardiologist had me wear a monitor at home, and called me after one day to tell me to get to the hospital, that was a Saturday. I had an EP study on Monday, and Wednesday I had the ICD. I had no time to emotionally prepare for this. I am back to work, and am really struggling. I feel the ICD in me, I still have pain, and I'm generally just miserable about the whole thing. I'm sorry to be such a baby. When will I get used to it in my body? When will the pain go away? When will I stop feeling so sad over the whole thing. I know it is there to save my life...I get that, I just really hate feeling it there and feeling different.
4 Comments
Shock & Awe
by donr - 2011-02-24 08:02:51
Jen: Welcome aboard! You are not riding a Great White Stallion, trust me.
I was in the hospital, hooked up to a 24 hr monitor, having a thoroughly puzzled Cardio trying to figure out why I felt so crappy. At 2 PM one day, his head nurse walked in & says "Don, I just figured out what's wrong with you! You need a PM."
At which time, I freaked out. I climbed the walls, swatted flies on the ceiling, swung around the room on the light fixtures like a great ape - quite the sight, what with my gown, dutifully open in back flapping in the breeze & mooning all present - & I was 66 yrs old!!!. Martha, the nurse, shot me with her tranquilizer gun & when I landed in a heap on the floor, she & my wife stuffed me back into the bed. (Hope you got a chuckle out of that little vignette - if you believed it, I'll make you a good price on a bridge across the Chattahoochee River & you can get rich off the tolls!) If wife were present, she'd be rolling her eyes & mouthing to you not to believe a word I say. Everything after "Freaked out is a downright, bald-faced lie!
I did get a bit agitated & anxious, however. Martha stuffed a Xanax in me to calm me down & proceeded to explain what she found, after she'd spent several hours poring over 24 hours of EKG strips from the monitor. Everything after that is a fog. My cardio came in a couple hours later & confirmed what Martha told us. The next night I was on the OR table in another hosp 35 miles away having MY PM planted. Talk about sudden! I know exactly what you mean.
You, young lady, are fortunate to have found this place. I thought I was the only person in the world getting this dastardly device stuck inside their chest - I felt like a victim of the Alien! But when I woke up, I felt normal again.
You are going to feel the ICD for quite a while - you just lost a knife fight w/ a surgeon! You were cut wide open & he left something inside you that is hard & large (at least to you.). It will itch, feel funny & for quite some time be like the elephant in the corner of the room. but you will get used to it. We all went through that phase. It just takes time.
You are not a baby. you just got surprised & have not yet felt the improvement in life that goes w/ the device. Unfortunately, since you have an ICD that only functions when it needs to kick start your heart, you cannot feel the vast improvement in life that us PM hosts do. Cannot give you any words of wisdom there. That is a normal reaction, so don't feel bad.
Now for the real sermon - You must have a conversation w/ your ICD. You tell it that it goes where you go, does what you do & likes every minute of it. You are captain of your ship; master of your fate & that's final! It's to just shut up, sit down & behave itself.
You are at least 8 weeks away from being able to suddenly realize that you have forgotten that it is there. It takes about that long for a major scar to settle down & not be irritating. I'll bet that you can easily feel the wires under your skin. You will constantly want to touch them, to scratch the spot because it feels different. Normal, normal, normal.
Good luck - you'll make it & shortly be sitting on this side of the typewriter from another Newbie.
Don
Newbie
by drashmore - 2011-02-24 09:02:13
I had a normal heart rate my whole life. I got to feeling bad back in Dec, went to the hosipital on a Sat and by Tues had a PM. Never considered in a million years this would happen to me.
Maybe you need more time off from work. I came back the end of Jan on a part time basis. But I'm lucky, I can also work from home. This is my 1st full week back. The whole process wears you out. The surgery, the fact you have a foreign object in your body, and the reality you are not invincible. I also think winter can be a depressing time of the year unless you are somewhere that has sun all the time.
Give it a little more time, spring is around the corner, the sun will come out and things will get better.
Debbie
Hi Jen!
by #1grandma - 2011-02-24 12:02:31
Just a couple of things. I had my PM planted October 12th and all went well. Other than having it adjusted a few times I've had no problems. However, emotionally it took a little longer to get use to it. I am a pretty happy person but i found a few times that for no reason I would start to cry. I think that is something we have to go through and I'm not sure why but now those feelings are gone. I feel better than I have for years. Two weeks is not a very long time to accept the changes that we have gone through, but I am sooo happy to be where I am both emotionally and physically. I thought that I would always be aware of my PM, but today I don't even know it's there and I hardly think about it.
Two weeks is not very long to heal, you need to give yourself more time. Debbie is right! Spring is just around the corner! I can hardly wait!!
take care,
Sally
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Hi Jen
by Hot Heart - 2011-02-24 07:02:00
It is a massive shock, it does need emotional adjustment, but one day you will just wake up and will feel 'normal'. I'm having a few non heart related medical issues at the moment, and to be honest i havnt given my pacemaker a thought. Don't be scared of it, just remember you are safer with it than without, it's a friend not a foe. Talk to people on here, look at all the things that they do and have done with their pacemaker in. The pain will go, the nerves get a bit bashed around when they are being fitted, try not to get into the habit of touching or messing with the pm, the only time i ever touch mine is when I'm putting moisturiser on. Ay first it can be a strange feeling having your heart beat at a faster rate, but again you get used to that in time, it becomes normal. I'm 57, I dance, go to the gym, swim, fly all over the place on holidays, have a great relationship on every level lol, go to london regularly with my daughter, walk my dogs. Two years ago my life was all worrying about this damn pm inside me, as I said I got up one morning and didt give it a thought, that time will come for you, just hold in there.
HH