scared that my defibular will go off

I live alone but I do have my emergency necklace....when it goes off are you able to push the button? Some people say theirs have never gone off..
I try to stay very busy all the time...and just live...try not to get into my head about it...but at times it's hard to do. People tell me they admire me because I always smile and laugh...what they don't know inside I feel like crying....but I don't. When I am with my families on outings they watch me like a hawk.....I just don't want to be a burden to I try to stay the life of the party so to speak so they will relax..but by the time I get home I am worn out.I hate it.
Has anyone just sitting there out of no where have to take a double just happens ..then I get scared thinking now is it going to go off.


try to relax

by plumberman - 2008-05-04 02:05:13

your fears are normal to all those who have icd's. and if anyone tells you differently, then they're lying!! You don't say how long you've had your icd. I've had mine since 04. i was tatally freaked out by having it, especially when it first fired. But as each day, month and even year passes, and it still hasn't fired, you will get more comfortable with having one. You can't totally ignore the fact that you have one but try not to make it take over your life. If you're anxious, nervous, fearfull, etc.., you may want to take something to calm yourself like ativan or paxil. But check with your dr. first. Your normal. Welcome to the club!!!


by 5LivesLeft - 2008-05-04 02:05:55

I have had my ICD difib since 2005 and basically have forgotten about it, but at first though I was terrified, terrified of doing anything by myself. I work a 1/2 hour away and was terrified that it would go off as I was driving, terrified of the 1st time of it going off. I can safely say, it hasnt yet and according to my Dr. it probably never will. I have learned with time to deal w/ my fear and we both co-exist quite nicely now. My family seem to have forgotten and if they didnt they sure hide it very well! :) My theory in my case is that I am ALIVE! I was dead at one point, but I am alive now and for my kids sake and my husband, I need to watch my kids grow up without worrying about myself. I throw it on the back burner; I know it exists but I am not going to worry about it anymore.

Good Luck!


by Swedeheart - 2008-05-04 03:05:06

I have a PM, not a ICD... so I can't respond directly to what you are feeling. However, I do understand about thinking about your device and if it is working, and what is it going to do to me! When I feel sickly, is it because the PM isn't working, or because it is!

I appreciate and understand how you feel about not wanting to be a burden to your family. But think of it this way, if the roles were reversed and it was one of your kids ~ you would want to know how they are feeling! Naturally they have their lives to live, but we are part of their lives. I think it might be useful to talk to one of your family members and really let them know you have some fear about your device and why.

I know that when I received my PM I told my hubby that it was okay that my son wasn't there. That I would be okay. Now I realize I was just trying to be stoic. He is traveling to see me for Mother's Day and I am so excited ~ I realize I had a lot of fears I might not be here or something and get to see him again!

It is important to share our feelings (one of the HUGE reason this great forum exists) with folks. It helps us to learn to tame our fears and adjust to our "new" reality. It doesn't mean you have to constantly complain or worry your family, but letting them know is important. That way if you really need someone around some day they will be there.

Martin's suggestion about asking your doctor for something to calm you is a good one. I know mine suggested an anti-depressant. I was just about ready to take him up on it, but then I started feeling a little better and got over the really rough part. (At least so far...) I was horribly anxious before implant and I was given Ativan and it was so helpful. I never expected to turn out to be a nervous little old lady... but here I am! My family has been great to help me and so has this forum and many of the kind folks here.

You are not alone, we all face these fears and some seem to face them easier than others. But we all have them. It is important you share these feelings with someone and not keep them bottled up inside.

You mentioned you have your necklace. Is it one of those "Life Alert" type necklaces where you push a button and it activates a speaker connected to your phone? Do you also wear a Medicalert bracelet? I wear one incase I can't speak for myself, it will give medical personnel information about my conditions.

Feel free to send me a personal message (look under Clubhouse area on top left) if you want to "talk". I know I have been terrified about this whole heart thing... I don't have it all together yet, but it is improving.

Hang in there! We are all in this together. You aren't alone in how you feel.



by LindaScarberry - 2008-05-04 08:05:45


I don't have my defib yet; going in 5/16 and my biggest fear is this thing going off. Sounds horrible. I can't believe this is happening; I'm 53 going on 33! Well maybe in my mind! It doesn't seem real that it can happen to what seems to be healthy people. I have left bundle bridge block - my arteries are as clean as a whistle. I'm afraid of what this thing is going to look like, how obvious it will be and of it zapping me! But, I do realize the other option is too die; so I'll do happily do this so I can raise my two sons!

I hope you are feeling well and your recovery is swift and non-eventful! Take care and let us know how your recovery is progressing.

Take care,

You know you're wired when...

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Member Quotes

To tell you the truth I never even give it a second thought. While growing up it never stopped me from doing anything and to this day my girlfriend or my kids need to remind me that I have one!