You know you are getting old when...

Old Age Jokes

You know you're getting old when....
- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your doctor doesn't give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
- When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemakeropens the garage door nearest you.
- When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick. eel good.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- You confuse having a clear conscience with having a bad memory.
- You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
- You don't know real embarrassment until your hip sets off a metal detector.
- Let's face it, traveling just isn't as much fun when all the historical sites are younger than you are.
- Every time you suck in your gut, your ankles swell.
- You're suffering from Mallzheimer's disease. You go to the mall and forget where you parked your car.
- Age always corresponds inversely to the size of your multi-vitamin.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
-If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- Your eyes won't get much worse.
- Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.
- Things you buy now won't wear out.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. -You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
- You light the candles on your birthday cake, and a group of campers form a circle and start singing "Kumbaya."
- Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough. -Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
-Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

This is meant in pure fun, to take your mind off your troubles, for the time it takes for you to read it.
Be happy people!

~ Dominique ~


very good very good

by jessie - 2007-08-26 03:08:25

good one dominique! a laugh always helps me to cope. yes the joys of getting older. of course we are still young chicks lol lol you and i and a few othere lol jessie

Ha ha ha

by Neat - 2007-08-27 02:08:43

Brilliant Neat x

A Good Laugh

by auntiesamm - 2007-08-27 06:08:40

Hi Dominique - Thanks for the wonderful laughs I got form your posting. I read one line and say "yup, that's me" next line, "yup, it's me". Very entertaining but so true!

'getting old' jokes

by seeker581 - 2008-07-21 08:07:09

Thank you for the great jokes.I was sitting at my computer reading your jokes and cracking-up.Everyone else thought I had finally come completely unhinged.

Keep joking


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You have a maintenance schedule just like your car.

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