Just venting....THERE'S ALWAYS ONE! GRrrrrrrrrrr....
- by Zoë
- 2018-02-06 19:09:03
- General Posting
- 1268 views
- 11 comments
My eldest daughter is in her 1st year of secondary school and I spent the afternoon meeting her endless teachers, all with glowing reports may I add (proud mother hen here!) HOWEVER....
The last teacher I got round to seeing was her English teacher and, for someone who preaches the correct use of the language, had extremely bad communication skills herself! She didn't even shake my hand when I introduced myself and just scornfully proceeded to ask me why my daughters work had gone downhill since October (when she had witnessed my cardiac arrest!!). I gently reminded her of that incident and that I was hospitalised for 6wks and, just perhaps, that had some effect.....it was beggars belief that she responded "... I don't accept excuses in my class, of any kind..."
Did I proceed to grab her by the hair, throw her sour face in a headlock and make her eat her heartless report on my child? No, I politely thanked her for her time and was on my way...boy do I regret my choice now lol!
I know life goes on, thank god, after we get these implants but crikey- people forget the emotional trauma these events cause the entire family afterwards. Why is it I get the impression that society thinks because we are "fixed" now we should just suck it up and get on with things. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from looking for a pity party & I'm trying my best to get on with life but give my kids a break, right!?
Other than this English witch pressing my buttons tonight, most people have been really supportive and understanding....Anyone else experience similar attitudes from family, friends, workmates or society in general leaving you thinking: "what the actual funk?!!!!"
11 Comments
Teachable moment...
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 08:17:40
Your right Grateful Heart, that certainly was a teachable moment and we have since told my daughter to do her very best in class going forward and prove her English teacher wrong. That's life after all and my girls may as well realise that, unfortunately, they will come across people like this from time to time. As long as they can hold their heads high and say they've done their best then that will always be good enough.
I just think it's a pity people like this English teacher exist in their profession. As you touched on Robin, they shouldn't be working with kids if they behave like they can't stand them. You need patience, positivity and empathy to bring out the best in kids, none of which she had...
The main point I was trying to make here though was after something traumatic has happened in a family (as often occurs when needing to get an ICD or Pacemaker) then it affects the whole family. My young girls found me collapsed in the sitting room, managed to get help from my neighbour who gave me lifesaving CPR before I spent next 6wks in CCU, during which time I suffered a second arrest, ICD implant, tension pneumothorax and 2 strokes...the physical side of me is healing really well but the emotional side of me is struggling, goodness knows how my girls are managing but they are.
I really wish I pulled that teacher up on her fowl attitude and should have stated that my daughters results in her class were more a reflection on her as a teacher than Amber as a student, or me as a mother. Shame on her.
sad
by ROBO Pop - 2018-02-07 12:12:58
it's really sad that your reaction was defensive, and all about you. Your primary focus and concern immediately should have been that your daughter was struggling in school and needed help, possibly professional if you really believe it's due to your cardiac arrest. Telling the teacher that it was the cause is in fact just an excuse, not a solution. It doesn't sound as if you delved into possible other symptoms your daughter might be exhibiting, you closed your mind immediately. Just telling your daughter isn't going to solve the problem...
....
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 13:20:50
I hear your point Robo but re-read my post again... Quite the contrary that I was making this all about me, I explained that my daughter had been witness to what went on meaning that she must be traumatised and effected by it (hence her grades slipping). She is getting counselling every week, as is her sister, as am I. I was not on the defence during the meeting last night and listened to everything the teacher had to say. I just happened to mention that the time this teacher noticed her grades had slipped was also the time she witnessed my arrest. As the title suggests, I was merely having a rant lol - not looking for a miracle cure or explanation as to why people lack empathy or tact.....
....
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 13:25:55
Thankyou Grateful Heart and Robin for understanding what I was saying.
Life
by Grateful Heart - 2018-02-07 14:19:43
Sometimes it's hard to fit everything into one of these threads....to tell your whole story so things do get left out. Glad you and your girls are getting help.
Being a mom of four, I focused on your daughter and the teacher and not your last question. :)
Friends and family have been very supportive. In general, if something doesn't affect others...they just don't get it.
For example: There is a nurse in my Ortho's office who was a fill in for his regular nurse…nice but all business. One day, going over my medical info she saw I have a CRT-D and told me her father just recently got a PM and she and her mother were worried about him and a little beside themselves as to how to help him. He was afraid to move, he just wasn't the same, etc.
We had a long conversation and I reassured her he can move and will be fine and may just need some adjustments to the PM. She was very appreciative and couldn't wait to tell her parents of our talk. When I have a visit now, she knows my name and we talk about her father (more than we talk about me and why I'm there) lol. The point is, it now applied to her family so there was acknowledgement and attentiveness. It made a difference.
Back to your daughter :) Personally, I wouldn't change teachers. We have to learn to deal with people in all walks of life as you already stated.
My sons are out of school now but they have had run-ins with teachers/ professors if they disagreed with their politics. There were some that encouraged discussion/ debate and some that did not allow it. Of course we would have discussions at home about it. Those experiences now help in life and in their professions.
It sounds like you’re doing a great job mom!
Grateful Heart
You've warmed my heart :)))
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 15:58:17
Thanks so much for commenting.. You've made a very important point there that "in general, if something doesn't effect others...they just don't get it" and that really helps sum it all up. I dont feel mad at that teacher anymore, I feel sad that she didn't try to understand what Amber must have been going through.
your experience with your Ortho's nurse was also a good example of how when you take time to converse with someone it can often end up being really helpful and positive- in that case for her and her family.
We won't change her teacher for reasons you mentioned and I admire how you looked upon your sons and their teachers/professors difference of opinions as a positive....creating debates at home and ultimately helping prepare them for life. Communication, after all, is key.
Amber says she enjoys English but when I had that health scare that particular teacher was the only one that showed her zero understanding and was in fact harder on her during that time. She said she often picks on students in her class and puts them down, not just her. So she felt why bother trying in class, she felt hurt that the teacher didn't care what she was going through. It does explain why all her other teachers gave her glowing reports, and were so lovely to converse with, and this was the only subject teacher her grades were falling with. No one likes to hear that their kids are being hard done by but she's a tough cookie and we've since had a good chat about it all.
Thanks again, Grateful Heart, for your words of encouragement.
We will see
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 16:16:03
That's aweful how your math teacher treated your daughter and other girls in her class Robin!! Im sure you were relieved when their contract was not renewed, to say the least.
New Info
by Grateful Heart - 2018-02-07 17:06:32
The fact that the teacher is putting down students...now that's a problem. That's not their job and in fact, is verbal abuse.
We never spoke to our children that way and no other adult should speak to them that way. It sounds like that teacher has a problem and that should not be tolerated.
No one should be put down....especially children and especially by educators. If that's the case, maybe get the parents of the other students together and file a complaint. Just a thought.
Grateful Heart
Exactly our thoughts...
by Zoë - 2018-02-07 17:33:52
Now that I'm aware of what her English teacher is like, and the impact it's had on her grades, I will not be tollerating anymore negativity from her. In the meantime I have logged what my daughter has told me and the lack of understanding I received from her teacher last night. I shall be expressing my concerns with the principle and ask that he documents them. If there is any further negativity from this teacher, I shall be persuing the matter further. Meanwhile my daughter insists she wants to remain in that class.
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Some people have no heart
by Grateful Heart - 2018-02-06 20:04:08
And no capacity for empathy.
She didn't have to change her grade if she didn't want to....but she could have understood. The teacher blew it.
These are the moments in life that make us stronger and compassionate.
I'm sure your daughter will prove her wrong going forward.
Teachable moment.
Grateful Heart