Depression
Hello.
Saturday August 11, 2017 was the most terrifying day of my life.
It was the the first of five or more syncope episodes that I would experience over the next three days.
It felt like I was actually dying, I realized I was slipping away. I was losing control of all my senses and unable to gain control.
I was rushed to hospital. They did many tests over the next three days.
I was a some what healthy 54 year old man,or so I thought. My heart was stuck at 30 bpm. It would not go higher, it even went lower than 30. I had bradycardia...a slow..very slow heart rate. Big gap between my heart beats....Hospital tried many things to no avail :(
They said I unfortunately had bad luck. I have a type 3 electrical heart block.
The Doctors and Nurses were very worried I would not make it. My heart had become very unstable by the 4th day.
They decided on a Medtronic dual lead pacemaker implant, set at 60 bpm now.
It has been almost 7 months and I still feel dizzy and overall lousy. I went to see Neurologist and back to hospital many times.
Medical staff all saying pm looks fine..settings look fine..plumbing moderate but fine..heart seems fine.
Then why do I not feel fine. I cannot sleep anymore, maybe 3 or 4 hours a day and I am worried sick that something really bad is going to happen to me.
I am terrified I am going to die in my sleep !
I am stressed and depressed. Words cannot explain how down I feel.
Please do not get upset with me. I am very happy and thankful to still be alive.
But unfortunately I cannot get over the way I feel.
Has anyone else experienced these feelings of doom and how did you overcome them.
Please someone help me, I am desperate and would appreciate any support.
I know I am part of a very large new pacemaker family and I need your help.
Thank you, Vince.
4 Comments
Hang in there
by bposter - 2018-02-26 01:51:12
I'm fairly new to all this, just a few months. I was a healthy 35 year old, and this came out of the blue. I've had the lion's share of complications, so I know some of how you feel, everyone suffers differently though. Having a 2 year old and a wife I would stay awake at night pleading that I wouldn't leave them to fend for themselves. My religious beliefs gave (and give) me a lot of hope, but again, I know that doesn't appeal to everyone and I respect that.
My suggestion is to find a way to make peace with the situation, the longer I was at odds with it the more I denied the reality of my situation. Hard to heal on that path. Also difficult to heal emotionally when you're still in physical pain. Pain management was in my mind from day 1, every new stab or soreness made me nervous because of the other complications I'd experienced.
I feel for you, feel free to come here and vent, and if others don't want to hear it message me directly, I'll read it.
Hope someone here has the answers you're looking for.
Similar
by PhilUK - 2018-02-26 06:14:04
Hi Vince,
I had very similar to you 18 months ago. I too was rushed in and spent the day is resuscitation before being transferred into ICU. All came as a shock to a perfectly healthy 47 year old. I have a dual lead pm fitted, my BPM were also around 30 and misfiring badly.
When I was finally allowed home 15 days later I felt terrible, worse than I did when I went in. I had flushing sensations in my head, pins needles and tingling all around my body and a brain fog like I have never experienced before or after. I felt so alone and so ill. If I moved my head I felt dizzy and as though I would collapse at any point.
My doctor told me to get out with my dog. I struggled with this. I felt as though I had vertigo etc. I slowly pushed on and over time managed to get past how I felt. As Robin says, start off cleaning etc. It took me 3 months to get back up on my feet. People around me did not understand. Lean on the forum for help and advice, I did and they helped get me back on my feet. There are some good souls on here.
Stay positive Vince and you will get your life back as I did.
Phil
As the others said....
by Theknotguy - 2018-02-26 12:20:26
Yes the depression can get to you. As others said, been there, done that, got the T-shirt, and the hat.
As I said in another post, I think it was nine months before I got out of the car and walked across the parking lot without thinking about my pacemaker. I think it was a year before every thump and bump would make me think, "Emma, it's the big one." It was two years before I got back to "normal". So how you feel isn't out of line.
What did I do??
Got the heart physical therapy. Nurses there to make sure you don't do something you aren't supposed to.
Got the sleep study. Have a CPAP and a good mask. If you can get a good tech who knows how to fit the mask it helps quite a lot. Also if you know someone with a CPAP and can give you positive pointers that will help.
Did pet therapy. I worked with dogs. You can't beat the cold nose and warm heart. Nothing like having a dog lying on each of your legs telling you things will get better.
Worked with a psychologist who specialized in heart problems and trauma. She was a great help too.
Found a licensed massage therapist. She went back to training so she wouldn't cause any problems with the pacemaker. She's gotten rid of a lot of pain I didn't know I had. That helped.
Drank plenty of water. At the start it was 1/2 liter per 33 pounds of body weight per day. If nothing else it makes you get up to pee a lot.
Take vitamin D for winter blahs, magnesium supplement, and straight calcium supplement.
Got up every morning and started moving for the day. Especially on sunny days where the sunlight would hit you.
Hope this helps. There's still a lot of living to do.
You know you're wired when...
Your ICD has a better memory than you.
Member Quotes
I just had this miracle implanted two weeks ago and Im feeling better.
Really depressed
by Vince - 2018-02-25 23:16:51
Hello Robin1.
Actually now that you mention it. When I was in ICU in hospital they did confirm I have sleep apenia.
I had totally forgotten. What did you do for your sleep apnenia.
The monitoring alarms in hospital were going on so many times...due to my heart beats were so very low...and spaced apart between beats..thats why everyone was so scared for me!
I do always feel in a fog as you say and very dizzy....
Vince.