Pacemaker Club: Bordering on Depression

Bordering on Depression

by Firefoy
2018-03-05 19:19:39
Coping
1233 views
2 comments

I have had my PM now for 7 years. I just went through my 2nd RF ablation for AFib last November. My PM was working fine up until then and none of the settings were changed. But it seems to be back to the drawing board for the settings to match my physical demands. I run daily at least 5 miles. One day my heart rate will be 160+ and then next it will be 110 for the same intensity, distance, and time. I am getting very frustrated and find myself on the edge of breaking into a complete breakdown and crying session over little tiny things that usually have no effect on me. I sometimes cry in the shower for no reason. I am a total crab to my beautiful and awesome wife who does her best to help me but doesn't really understand my emotional state or frustration level. I worry about my job as a fire fighter and the possibility that I may not be able to perform as required on a call because my settings are not just right. Some dumb online assessment says I am bordering on depression and should talk to a professional. I feel if I do that it will show my wife that I am weak and unable to care for myself. I can't talk about it with the guys at work because I am probably in the less than .1% of active duty fire fighters with a pacemaker and they don't understand. They are all amazed that I continue to run and workout. I need to make it at least 10 more years on this job and I am struggling to see making past the next 10 days.

2 Comments

Help

by Mugz1221 - 2018-03-05 20:59:57

First and foremost thank you for doing what you do. I'm a shift commandCoat our local 911 center and can't imagine doing what you do. I'm 34 with a pacemaker since 10/9/17. No known reason and no other medical history. For me, I too cry. I feel I'm not the same person who I used to be. I am grateful for it. But they say I have PTSD and anxiety from it. Getting professional help is good. It does work. And it is confidential. Your job alone is enough stress. I at first was ashamed too but now am so glad I did. I don't feel so distant from my loved ones anymore. I am beginning to feel like me again. I strongly recommend you get the help. It is nice having a third party so to speak. Remember this too shall pass.

tackling the problems

by Tracey_E - 2018-03-05 21:51:47

First of all, depression is a disease. It's not a weakness, it is a DISEASE. And I"m no professional either but I've been treated for it and you described it to a T. You can live with it and hope it'll go away, or you can get help and learn how to get out of it. BTDT, as have many here. IT IS NOT A WEAKNESS to take control of your life and do what you need to do to get the joy back. I'd be willing to bet your wife would agree.

As for the settings, have they put you on a treadmill? It's not uncommon to suddenly need different settings, has happened to me twice in 20 years. Each time I got back to where I was eventually, just took some patience and perseverance. That's where the treadmill comes in. Sometimes it helps to have them watch what's happening real time, they can see what's happening, tweak and test it out right away.

I, too, have a hr all over the place when I work out. Sometimes it's 120, sometimes it's 170. Frustrating, to say the least. Haven't really found a way around that one, just learn to deal with it.

Please, please, please find someone to talk to. It's not a weakness to ask for help. It's a strength to recognize it and face it head on. You can do this.