Still dealing with anxiety
Almost four years since my pacemaker has been implanted for a complete AV block. I work in a cardiac specialized hospital (yes I know, very lucky) and my cardiac arrest happened while I was working in a very traumatic way.
After that episod, I dealt with anxiety, panic attacks and hypervigilence. Four years later, I rationaly know that my heart is fine, even better, but I am still dealing with anxiety and fears concerning my health, especially my heart. I’m still afraid of doing high exercice and feeling my heart « beat fast » and I still sometimes verifie my pulse when I feel tired just to « make sure » my heart is still beating and that I won’t faint or check if I’m pale. I feel ridiculous when I do so because I know I’m fine. I’m 28 years old and am soon thinking of becoming a mom, cardiologist says no problem, but I am so afraid of carrying my baby in me and feeling those dizzy spells that sometimes happen during pregnancy, and I also fear labor.
I don’t know how to reassure myself anymore and how to truly believe that I am now fine and be happy that I’m alive. Just needed advice on how to finally move on from this trauma that is still heavy on my shoulders.