You are never alone
Hello wonderful Pacemaker Friends.
It's been one year since my heartbeat paused and a pacemaker was implanted. That was one year after I underwent a voluntary cardiac ablation, hoping to free myself of occasional AFib episodes.
That first surgery was followed by a cascade of issues. If I could go back I would have declined ablation. I will always wonder if that worsened my situation. As a note, I was of good weight, BP, cholesterol, exercised regularly and maintained a healthy diet of very low sodium. Why me? Why not. Because it happened...
But that is in my past.
Now I have a pacemaker and afib, and am scheduled for a new heart rhythm drug since the former one created a year of utter choas in my life until a second opinion saved me.
My thought for everyone who might benefit:
This all stinks. I've had my share of disappointment, fear, anxiety, depression, anger, questioning, regret. You name it. But after all that, I still have a pacemaker and occasional atrial fib. And I am alive!!!
I'm no fan of that old saying, "it is what it is" because it sounds condescending. So I won't say it. But I want to wrap my good thoughts around every single person here who worries, gets discouraged or frightened, feels lousy for one reason of another, wishes things could be different.
You have a right to your feelings, no shame. And you're in the right place. Anything anyone feels is legitimate to him or her. To you. Let the rest of us help be your ballast and your sail.
Love yourself like crazy: There's only one of you and (I am sure I can speak for everyone here on this one point) we're all so glad you have survived whatever it is you've been through or are going through, and wish you the very best journey. We are all on that path with you.
In a couple of weeks I'll be hospitalized overnight to try another anti-arrhythmia drug, which will be new to me. When I go in and don my johnny (ick, don't look) I'll be thinking of you and knowing that you'll wish me what I wish you: Courage, love, serenity, acclimation to what cannot be changed.
My heart stopped on New Year's Eve a year ago -- the fifth such event (each of which I was trying to ignore it when I'd feel faint). I was quiet that night, alone at home, not even a martini (smile) in hand when it happened and I finally called rescue. It was all nothing but terrifying.
Two days later the pacemaker was implanted.
This year I promised myself I'd be on a dance floor at midnight and I was. Wild dancing.
Keep on keeping on and know that a whole lot of people care that you are scared, anxious, unsettled, worried, wondering, whatever. Your troubles are on our shoulders too. Love to you.
I renamed my Pacemaker my Peacemaker. It is a fine dance partner.