Disability due to heart disease
Hi. I have had Cardiomyopathy and Heart Failure since the age of 6 months. Was a very sick baby but not so much as a kid growing up... sure I had limitations and had to take medication but I never felt like my heart disease stopped me from living a full life.
Been through many traumas and scary situations through my life but, yet again, I seem to bounce right back until March 3rd, 2011. My whole world stopped. I went into a VTach storm and my defibrillator shocked me 23 times in a little over an hour. Trying desperately to get my heart rhythm where it needed to be. I was awake and aware the whole time. Felt everything. The nurses just stood there and watched it happen because the only thing they could do for me was happening with my ICD. I remember screaming out if I was going to die can they just hurry it up.
After being released from the hospital, I tried for a solid month to work. Every single day I was sent home because I literally could not do my job (Compounding medication and IVs). The very last day I was at work, my heart went haywire and went into sudden cardiac death. Needless to say an ambulance was called and I spent a solid two weeks in the hospital.
That said, I know for a fact that I cannot work, physically or mentally. Through the advice of my cardiologist, electrophysiologist and general practitioner I began the disability process.
Almost two years after my storm, I was approved immediately by a judge in a hearing. It was bittersweet. Awesome that I was approved, awful because I never pictured I’d be 25 receiving disability and unable to work. As mentioned before, my heart disease never stopped me from doing what I wanted with a few exceptions.
Fast forward to the present (eight years later) I still struggle with accepting I can’t work. Refuse to do so although I know that I physically just cannot do it. Suffer major depression and high anxiety from it.
When I lost my ability to work, I lost my identity. I’m just kind of floating in life not knowing what to do with myself, who I am, how to become happy with life again, etc.
Anyone else have the same reality as myself? I feel like I’m the only one in the world that looks “healthy” but is not. Feel like I’m the only one that went on disability at the age of 25 without actually “looking disabled”. If you were to see me in public, you’d never guess that my health is as poor as it is.
I would love to hear from others on here. Especially if your story is similiar. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve visited this website but here I am trying to reach out to my fellow ICD/Pacemaker recipients.
Thank you for reading my story,