My Story M (21)

People dont think I have a ICD, people think I'm normal.

I feel normal at times, when I do have my shirt on, when there is no physical bonding. 

I'm above average in terms of attractiveness, especially as an asian. 5'10 and abs) People see me as this figure, who is so confident and with his whole life together.

But I dont. Far from it.

Im scared to take off my shirt. Im very scared of confrontation and fighting with a ICD, getting shocked in middle of a fight. I'm not small, but a surge of andrenaline could potentially shock me. Im scared of doing cardio exercises. I get anxiety over thinking I am having a heart attack. Im scared that people will touch my ICD and find out that I'm not normal. 

Im scared people wont accept me for who I really am. 

I would love to meet someone my age (F) where we can share our vulnerabilities. So we can feel accepted. So we can deeply understand each other. So we can celebrate that we are not normal.

Male friends are awesome too. Lets share experiences.


1 Comments

Not normal???

by Protimenow - 2020-07-21 14:39:20

Okay, there's a small bulge in your left pectoral muscle. 

So what?

People get their hair colored; they get perms, they do all kinds of things that change them. 

People get tattoos. It makes them look different from the way they did before 'enhancing' their appearance,. 

So what if you have a small lump below your left clavicle?

This could be a good conversation starter if others notice and decide they have to ask about it. It's also easier to walk than a dog.

I wouldn't worry about being different (different because you've got that little implanted device?). 

I'm wondering why you think that you'll get into a fight. (And if you do, if someone is stupid enough to punch that device, it certainly won't do their hand any good - and probably would do no harm to the device. 

Live your life normally. Don't let this affect your life in any negative way (and, in fact, it should be positive because you know that your heart is going to keep beating as it should). 

If a person really cares for you, the ICD should be a non-issue. 

 

You know you're wired when...

You run like the bionic woman.

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My pacemaker is the best thing that every happened to me, had I not got it I would not be here today.