Cardiac Neurosis
I am a 32 y/o male, currently enrolled in a graduate program for dietetics and nutrition.
I had ASD repair at the age or 3, atrial flutter and complete heart block diagnosed a few years ago, with the concurrent implantation of a pacemaker. Since then, I have been excessively worried about my heart and feel as though I am living on borrowed time via a mechanical device of which I would no doubtably have been dead without a few decades ago. These worries adversely effect my relationships and sleeping habits.
My question is, what are suggested methods for alleviating cardiac neurosis? And how can I move past this issue and obtain better/more sleep.
I was diagnosed (whatever weight that holds) with it by a university psychiatrist, who throughout my sessions put me on different meds, including paxil, zoloft, wellbutrin, klonopin, and buspar. These meds, overall, had no effect on my anxiety concerning my heart, and in fact had undesirable side effects (lowered libido, HORRIBLE "Zapps" etc..)
Since then, I have done my own research and found that the only temporary remedies are:
Exercise
Mitragyna Speciosa
Phenibut
Sometimes meditation works, as does the breathwork from Dr. Weil. But I often feel guilty doing anything other than schoolwork or other "necessary" tasks. I have long thought I have ADD, as my attention is quite limited when I am not personally interested in the current subject matter.
I appreciate any insight and/or suggestions regarding my current situation, as I feel as though it is sapping the enjoyment of life out of me.
Sincerely,
-Greg C
11 Comments
Welcome to the Club
by MAXI1439 - 2010-04-08 09:04:50
Hi Greg,
I personally do not have any information to give you on your situation, but I'm glad you decided to join the club and reach out for information.
Since I have joined in January, I have gotten so much support by other members that it has helped me considerably.
I hope there is someone reading your comment tonight who can get back to you and give you a little peace of mind. The one thing I can tell you is to keep smiling and try your best to keep a positive attitude. You are not alone.
Marcia
Greg
by ro - 2010-04-08 09:04:56
I second edmondme's message. Really.....we are all on borrowed time and we don't know when our time is up, no matter what age. I have already outlived my youngest chid. who knew? I say keep up with meditation (your schoolwork will not suffer) and try to focus on appreciating every day for whatever it gives you good and not so good. We only get to do this once.
ro
very true
by gkannon77 - 2010-04-08 09:04:57
Its weird, sometimes I feel that very way, but often its a daily struggle. Anyway, I kicked those horrible meds last year, and only use the phenibut and kratom on occasion, (stressful days or days after hard work). I didnt clarify that well in my first post, sorry. Not to rant but big pharma and those SSRI/Benzo meds are really horrible.
I began using a mainly natural approach to health which has added energy level; its my damn mind that wont let me be!
Thanks to you both for the kind words and advise, Ill take them to heart (no pun intended).
-Greg
borrowed time
by Tracey_E - 2010-04-08 10:04:11
You are not on borrowed time now, you were on borrowed time before you got your pm! Now you're fixed and have a state of the art computer making sure your heart beats normally.
Vent here with us all you need. Sometimes hearing from others who have been there- and got through it- helps. I often think that if I'd been born the same year as my grandmother, or even my mother, that I never would have seen my 30th birthday. It doesn't freak me out, I made a conscious choice to see it as a blessing. I'm fortunate to live in a time where my problem has an easy fix and every day is a gift. It's no different than a diabetic with insulin or any other treatable problem.
If the person you're seeing isn't helping, maybe it's time to find someone else? Sometimes a person can be good but not a good fit for us. Just my opinion, but I'd consider the drugs a very last resort and try therapy instead. Sometimes the side effects are worse than the problem they're supposed to fix. They have their place and can be the boost we need to get started back uphill again. Only you can decide what's right for you. From reading your post, it sounds like the side effects are bothering you as much as anything you were dealing with before.
Exercise and therapy have both worked for me. Maybe try yoga? I've been treated for depression twice now. A book I really loved that helped a lot is The Feel Good Handbook by David Burns. It has specific exercises to do to change the way we think about things. I got a lot out of it, things I still use now years later.
Who knew...
by wenditt - 2010-04-08 10:04:37
Who knew that you just gave a title to exactly what I have! My father died of a sudden heart attack at 50, and now I'm 33 with a pacemaker. I have for the past 7 months fixated and researched and been to every doctor....and they all tell me that all my heart issues have been resolved. And I always disagreed with them...because I am reminded everyday that something is still not right. I get PAC's, PVC's skips etc...daily.
When I explain it to my husband I tell him it's like getting punched in the arm and you get a big bruise. You would expect the bruise to start healing but the next day-someone punches you again in the exact same spot....and the next day...and the next day... How am I supposed to heal and move on when I reminded everyday that something is "funny?" It's an awful cycle when your mind is so consumed with something.
But what I think might help is to remember that even though you are reminded everyday you have a little something quirky going on....you lived that day....you heart beat it's way through that day....you made it another day. Think of a plant....the more you water it...the more it grows. And unfortunatly anxiety is the same way...the more you feed it...the more it grows. I understand how hard it can be to tell the "sh*tty committee" in your head to go away and stop making you worry...but perhaps remembering how truly powerful your mind is may help!
It's your mind that is doing this....so it can only be your mind that turns it off. Your mind is by far more powerful than our bodies. Our bodies heal at rapid speed compared to our minds and emotions....sucks...but it's the truth.
So think of how POWERFUL your mind truly is then! You are brilliant, you are going to school, you are so smart that your mind has the ability to drive you nuts! LOL...think of someone less brilliant....they would never even notice half of what you notice! So use your mind and brilliance for the good....it's tricky...but it can be done.
Yoga is wonderful. It makes you concentrate on your breathing and your heartbeats...so that you two are "friends." Yelling "stop it" to the sh*tty committee works for me...LOL
I wish you all the best...because I've been there...in fact I am still there most days! LOL....you can do this! Take it one day at a time!
Best of luck!
Hang In There!!
by TLRun - 2010-04-08 10:04:46
Hey Greg:
We all have been there....just hang in there!! It does get better. I have mitral prolapse or hear murmur. Never thought that was much a big deal unless when I went to dentist in the past, which has changed. They always had me taking massive doses of antibiotics. About 6-7 years ago, I noticed my running was deteriorating big time. I had no energy and was dizzy when I started out running. It also happened when I got up fast,...I was about to past out. So, I casually mentioned this to the doctor...like it was no big deal. They did an EKG and I had Wenke Block - third degree. After many tests over the years for some reason I had A-fib. I had an ablation done for that. A year later came my dual ventricular pacemaker. Anyways, I have ran for 25 years so why did this happen to me??? Who knows, fate, etc. It gets me down at times but keep on moving forward. I run around 60-70 miles a week now. I still have issues but yes feel like I am on borrowed time and think of my mortality. But I feel thankful for every day. I kinda of look at it as some people have it better, but alot of people have it lot worse.
So, keep up your spirits, it will get better!!!
Tom
All great advice
by gkannon77 - 2010-04-08 11:04:47
I have to admit that I have become much of an introvert, so my fiance rarely knows whats going on in my head, just that Im having a bad or good day. It horrible of me to not tell those around me, but b/c they love me so much i feel like i dont want to bring them down, ya know?
Anywho there are no side effects to the herbs i am taking now (that I know of) but the side effects of the SSRI/ and Benzos were horrid; i personally suggest anyone that is considering these drugs not to, or at least try meditation, yoga, natural medicine before hand. Every one of those trumps any med any psychiatrist ever prescribed.
But I digress. Yoga is great, it really relaxes me while I am exercising, a unique effect.
The borrowed time thing just rings true whenever I feel my heart beating hard or non-sinus, or when i get dizzy, which for whatever reason only started happening AFTER my implantation. Ironically i am not at all worried about dying... but thats totally another topic ;)
Thanks for turning a caring ear my way, it was kind and very appreciated. I have alot to work on, but I plan on taking the time I have left to get there.
Laughter is the greatest medicine ;)
by gkannon77 - 2010-04-08 11:04:57
I must have been typing when you were b/c ur post wasnt there when I started!
And I love gardening (silly for a dude, but I could care less), it just makes me feel so good, like I am spiritually connecting and physically contributing.
Anywho, you made me laugh... the sh*tty committee? Thats brilliant. You make so many good points. I am immediately implementing the "silence the sh*tty committee" rule. My friends and fam always tell me I think too much, so yeah, i often wonder if ignorance is indeed bliss...
Just a form of anxiety
by ted - 2010-04-09 06:04:11
"Cardiac neurosis" is just a fancy way of saying that a person is overly concerned (anxious) about their heart. It's really all about fear of dying and I doubt that a lot of drugs or herbal remedies can solve the problem, which, in my opinion, involves, as Frank has alluded to, ceasing to fight the inevitable, and abandoning the wish for immortality.
Dependent on a mechanical device
by ElectricFrank - 2010-04-09 12:04:30
If you are fearful of being supported by a mechanical device then be sure you don't drive a modern car, fly on a modern jet aircraft, live in a big city where you are dependent on the water system, and I could go on. Almost everything we do in our modern life is dependent on computers, and devices.
For me the most profound change came when I came to grips that I'm going to die. There is a line in that song The Rose that says it best. "The soul afraid of dying can never learn to live".
I don't say these things lightly. They are just reality.
By the way, my wife ran the biofeedback program at Canyon Ranch in Tucson, and worked with Andy Weil.
frank
You know you're wired when...
You prefer rechargeable batteries.
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age has alot to do with it
by edmondme - 2010-04-08 09:04:40
I think being younger, is part of the reason you are feeling this way. Most patients with a PM/ICD are older, my grandmother had it when she was 70 and lived until 89. I have it much much younger than her, closer to your age, and feel that I am on borrowed time too.
What I have discovered is that this gives me a better perspective on life. I am starting to care less about money, but more about things I like to do. I am starting to live my life, however long I have for myself. More like an attitude of who cares!
It's a work in progress, but I am getting there!
As far as wellbutrin, zoloft, I try to avoid them, and here is the reason. I figure that meds aren't natural and I rather do somethings natural. I am taking meds for my heart issue and the PM, but I dont want to be a walking pharmacy lab!
My advice to you, kick the habit of the meds, take up meditation and yoga. Start living life for yourself. Take only the meds that your cardiologist tells you to take and take care of that machine, and tell your brain, let's go enjoy whatever is left. You never know, you might end up living until 89 as well! I hope you do!