A conclusion.... of sorts

It seems to me that I may not be the only one to have stumbled across this particular conclusion about my condition, albeit a bit later maybe? I was mulling over in my head some thoughts about the fear element and trying to make sense of it all when I realized something. The reason all of this is so darn scary is because I feel like my heart betrayed me. ( I know, I'm supposed to not be thinking about it for awhile, but I'm on to something here.) 

The only other time my body decided to gang up on me was at the age of 16 with my appendix. But it didn't feel life threatening (even though it had started to burst) because I was young and very naive. This situation, however, feels very much like full blown betrayal. My point is, I NEVER actually thought my heart would just up and go rogue on me, effectively trying to kill me. It went off the deep end. How could this be? It's MY heart. 

Well.... I'm sure all of you are saying, "but it didn't actually TRY to kill you." And I know you're right.... but it very much feels like it did. Like I can't trust it anymore. Now how on earth can I get that message off my hard drive? (I use metaphors a lot, stick with me.) I'm smart enough to put together the facts that my heart really didn't try to kill me, it was reacting to a certain set of criteria that was present in my earth suit that day. Maybe low electrolytes, imbalances in vitamins or possibly a reaction to being over stimulated on my recent trip to a high elevation (10,000 feet to our cabin in California, which happend a couple weeks previous to this episode.) Who knows? It could have been anything at this point, and that is a concern too. How do I avoid whatever it was that possibly caused this catostrophic heart event if I don't know what it was? 

Well... I can't. I will probably never know what really happened. And I need to be okay with that. But of course, I don't exactly feel confident it won't happen again. I lost something that day, and I can't get it back. Realistically it's not possible to get that mindset back because after all.... it very well COULD happen again. In fact, my doctor was mildly surprised it hadn't happened again when I saw him on Thursday. So there you have it. Even my doctor thinks it will zap me again. 

Okay..... Here's what I DO know. I don't get as much fluids as my body needs, mainly because I'm terrified of retaining it and getting the drowning sensation in my lungs where I can't breath without sitting up. That has happened to me several times. For whatever reason, I don't retain fluid much in my legs like most HF people do (my Dad included), but it goes to my lungs and abdomen. I take lasix every day, and avoid drinking a lot. How much do I drink you ask? Well, on average I get about 60 oz. of fluid a day from drinks. 

I don't eat much either. (I haven't had much of an appetite this past year.) Despite the fact that I rarely eat 2,000 calories a day, mostly somewhere around 1000-1200, I have continued to gain weight. I'm not on some diet, what would be the point? I do eat carefully, watch my sodium and high fat foods as well as sugars. But here I am... 5'6" and 188 pounds. (I was up to 194 before the shock and since then really have had to almost force myself to eat.) 

Maybe... I just need to concentrate on what I CAN do, like making sure I get more fluids, electrolytes, protien, and sleep. (sleep is usually not an issue, we ranchers hit the hay at about 8pm and get up about 6am.) 

I make sure to get plenty of potassium, quality magnesium blend, B vitamins...etc. Plus, I recently starting using mushroom coffee for my intestinal issues and it seems to be really helping. It has six adaptogenic mushrooms, (in case you are curious) Ingredients: RYZE Organic Mushroom Blend (Cordyceps, Lion's Mane, Reishi, Shiitake, Turkey Tail, King Trumpet), Organic Arabica Coffee, Organic MCT Oil, Organic Coconut Milk.

My doctor wondered if one of the mushrooms in my coffee could be the culprit, but I highly doubt it. Most of those mushrooms are very good for heart function, not to mention, I have had much fewer issues with my IBS since I started having one cup a day in the morning. I know it also relaxes me a lot too and there's very little actual coffee or even caffiene in it either. 

So... bottom line is now that I've talked about it, I can hopefully get some relief from thinking about my poor heart ganging up on me. I know it really didn't mean to. Poor thing has been through so much, hopefully it just had a brain fart and that won't happen again. Hopefully. 

2 Comments

Keep the scales well balanced

by Gemita - 2023-12-16 19:29:01

You know, we have so much in common with all this thinking.  It must be good for us both Janene, otherwise why would we do it?  

You ask:  “How do I avoid whatever it was that possibly caused this catastrophic heart event if I don't know what it was?  Well actually you do know what it was.  It was your weakened heart that triggered your VF.   A heart muscle which is damaged or functioning poorly can become electrically unstable and cause dangerous heart rhythms like VF.

Of course you don't feel confident it won't happen again, but look at it another way, as each day passes and you continue to LIVE there is always the chance that your EF will improve as will your heart function.  Even if you were to be zapped again, just keep fighting back until you get that heart function back to a safer level.  You have to keep believing that you can do it.  What other choice do you have?  You have age on your side and a lovely family too and you have seen 6 eagles, so all the signs are good.

I do understand the problems you face with fluids and weight gain and I am not trying to minimise these in any way.  Are you safely able to increase fluids during the day when you don’t have to lie down and then stop drinking well before bed time so that you do not suffer from lung congestion?  I suspect lying down at night can be uncomfortable unless you are propped up on pillows.

Solid food must be difficult for you.  Have you ever tried juicing vegetables, like red peppers and other vegetables and some fruits.  They go well together.  Those juices will be packed full of goodness, especially if you don't feel like eating.   Perhaps even try juicing solid foods and make lots of healthy soups.  There is so much we can do to help ourselves and to try to tip the balance back into our favour xx

You are a gem, Gemita!

by R2D2 - 2023-12-16 21:31:11

So far I rarely have troubles with fluid in my lungs, but it's also because I don't drink much. I limit myself to about 12 ounces for a meal and then maybe an extra glass of water or watered down juice between meals. Often times I don't even drink during my meal. This is the way I've been for 10 years because I was told by my first doctor who diagnosed my heart failure to limit my fluid intake. I take things too seriously when they say that... he also said to limit my salt. I felt that if 1500mg of sodium was acceptable, then 1000mg would be even better... Boy did I get sick doing that! 

According to my research, we are supposed to get at least 2 liters of fluid a day. I might get 1.5 on a good day. And then I notice that my lasix isn't removing much, it's because there isn't much to remove. So, on this journey of mine, I'm going to get at least 2 liters a day, no more than that and see what transpires. 

Yes... you are so sweet in mentioning those eagles. I have thought of that vision, looking across the river and seeing all of those beautiful birds, thinking... there's so much in this life we don't understand, but miracles are treasures to be enjoyed. 

No matter what happens, I will never stop trying to get my heart healthier. 

You know you're wired when...

You have a little piece of high-tech in your chest.

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