feeling good-but freaked out!

Allan (41) edinburgh

This site scares the hell out of me sometimes.

I had my pacemaker installed October 07 Dual lead Syphony 2550 - I had sinus bycardia and atrial fib - now i take 25 mg of atenol ever day to suppress my afib seems to work get cold hands

I think the problem with this site sometimes is that we are all scared of dying which is understandable and seek comfort and assurance from others who have experienced this weird thing that has happened to us all. But I think there has to come a point when we all have to accept our situation and live in the present more because the last few times i have been on here I have been really freaked out by some of the storys I have heard so much so that I think when i get my next ep session I am going to be terrified to go because there is the danger on here of arming yourself with too much information.It all can feed an over active imagination and i am sure lead to worry.

So I think I have come to the conclusion that rather than click on here every day I am going to get on with my life and maybe just check in every six months to see how every one is getting on.

Kind Regards

Allan

12 Comments

Who is scared? Us or you?

by ted - 2008-02-02 11:02:59

I feel sorry for you that you are so frightened and terrified that you want to avoid all reality and put your hands over your eyes and ears and enter the world of make believe. I don't think that all of us here are afraid of dying, as you claim. I think that it is you who is afraid. Not just of dying, but of all reality. I apologize for these strong words, but I believe that your post merely seeks to get other newcommers to join you in hiding your head in the sand. New recipients of ICD's and Pacemakers need this marvelous group for support and reassurance. We are not afraid of death, but why are you so afraid of life? Best of luck to you. We will always be here for you if you need us before your next sixth months visit. Ted

hmmm...

by heckboy - 2008-02-03 01:02:04

Well, I don't see much negativity here, mostly I see people trying to educate and reassure others. I'm not sure why you're striking out at the list like an angry person slamming the door, but this site clearly isn't helpful for you. I hope you find what you're looking for elsewhere.

allan

by jessie - 2008-02-03 01:02:10

i can only say that the day we are born we begin to die. it is the truth. i live each day and consciously try to make it a good one for me and the ones i love and even people in the grocery store. what a horrible dull job putting groceries thru. so until i had this i didn't think much about death but when i had my implant done so quicly and on e.r. babis i knew how close i was to death. i realized i was one of the chosen few. so i love the stories. i love to learn and love reading the posts. if i can relate i share my experience. if i can help i try to. i don't tho give much advice. so sorry you feel this way. i myself love the site and the people here.jessie

Driving?????

by Peter.Nash - 2008-02-03 02:02:16

Hi Heckboy,
them's the rules here in the Uk if you have an ICD implant you can't drive for six months....also if the little beggar fire's then you have to wait another six months...
I think the idea is to add to your stress ha ha ,.
Peter.N

My $.02 Worth

by Carol - 2008-02-03 02:02:28

Hi Allan, here's my take on your post. You and I had our PM's placed about the same time, and I too, remember some of your posts r/t racing heart rates, worries, etc. I too, posted many times looking for reassurance and information from more experienced pacers....I think we both received the comfort and information we came here looking for. On the other hand, I too think that as our problems resolve we tend to drift away a little as our lives settle back into a "new normal" and unless, like many of our members, personal friendships were formed, we don't come here as often or with the same view of its importance. I still have a few problems and do check in pretty frequently, but am glad for you that you are doing so well that you feel you're ready to "cut the lifeline" regardless of your reasons. And I think you might agree with me that this site IS and WAS a lifeline for us when we needed it. I agree with Wingart, that we all must take from this site what we need and leave the rest behind. It seems you don't wish to let us go completely as you wrote you would check back in 6 months or so, so best wishes to you until you feel like checking in again!! Sincerely, Carol

when you need help it will find you

by Janet - 2008-02-03 03:02:58

I have been obsessed with mortality since my mum died, my dad having dies 10 myears earlier. Why? well because I am now the older generation in my family.

BUT I most definitely did not join this site because I was scared of dying - I am scared of dying but not because of my PM that is helping me live.

I joined because I am the only person I knew with a PM, so did not know what to expect what I would feel etc. My GP and cardiologist were great - but not the same as comming to this site, and the cardio athletes site I belong to, and sharing the experience.

Just knowing what others in the same boat experience means you can identify when things are not right - and then consult the docs in full knowledge that things are not right - its not just you being paranoid.

Actually, I am not scared of dying - I am scared for those that would be left behind and how they would cope. I am sure they would but I do not want them to be afraid, lonely, upset and vulnerable.

Guess you may have already realised I love this anf the cardio athletes site.

BUT IF IT IS NOT GIVING YOU WHAT YOU NEED/WANT then it is not for you. Shame all same.

xx

3 cheers for the Pacemaker site

by Rewiredaussiegirl - 2008-02-03 04:02:02

Hi Allan,
When I got my pacemaker in 2004 I felt so alone and scared.
I had a lot of support from my family but I had never known anyone with a pacemaker and felt like the only person in the world with one!!!Then one day I was searching for a bit of knowledge about this new Thing inside me when I suddenly found .....The Pacemakerclub.WOOPEE!!!!what a difference it has made.I now feel happy and confident and whenever I have a pacemaker problem I come here and get answers and support.I have made great friends through this site who mean a lot to me.
Of course we must expect that some of us have worries and feel down but we usually get over it after discussing things with other members who have had similar worries
Anyway Allan I do hope you stick with us.
Take care.Kay

Allan

by Blueaustralia - 2008-02-03 04:02:40

Think of someone who comes back to the country in Australia after having a pm. No specialist close, no one to talk to, no one who understands. I came home with no confidence, I don't think it is a case of thinking about dying. We go through a great traumatic time when we have a pacemaker. We just need a hand to get us back on the road again. I bless the day I found this site and all my friends. I log on each day to see how they are going and what their news is, pm related or not. We have quite an interesting circle here and your input would be interesting to me for someone who came from England and can lap up news of the uk like a baby takes to milk. You well begin to feel more confident and sort through the names of us all that will become familiar. Take care I guess everyone is entiltled to handle things their way. Pace well and keep well.

Billie

Thats the Problem

by Peter.Nash - 2008-02-03 08:02:51

Hi Allan,
I had my ICD implanted in the UK they done a fine job.. I must admit and I was pleased with that.....

This all happened in a few days ..But I had no info given to me or what to expect just... come back for you yearly checkups and by the way you can't drive for six months, plus a load of meds to take....
To be honest I was gobsmacked...I had just been told that I needed an ICD because I was at risk of SD.. just like it was an everyday thing...... It was not until I found this site and asked some questions that I began to understand what was going on with me.......they are very caring helpful people here....... I check in everyday just to read what everyone is up to and catch up with the day to day things going on......it has little to do with how I am feeling.... these people are my friends who were here for me when I needed someone,,,,but because am feeling better I would not dream of leaving thew site until such times I needed them again..... we all have something to give ..my advice is stay and if you think you can at some time ....toss a bit in the pot!!
Good luck Peter N.

can't drive?

by heckboy - 2008-02-03 11:02:12

What's the reason for not driving for 6 months? I was driving after a few days.

allan

by pat - 2008-02-03 12:02:53

i just want to say that without this wonderful web site, i really don't know what i would have done after my pm implant, it was done on an emergency basis and i had no knowledge about pm's. but really allan, i do understand some of your fears, but from your previous posts before you had your pm put in you were very nervous and upset like all of the rest of us. and these wonderful people on this site (at least i think they did) helped you and gave you info that you asked for. i think ted may be right about your fears, dont let them control you. you can overcome them, not by hiding from them, but by getting all the information you can and going on from there. after all no one except our Maker knows what is in store for us.
hang in there

pat

Ummm

by uvagershwin - 2008-02-06 03:02:53

Yeah, I agree we have our quarles(?) but we are like a family. Most of us forgive each other, and we are friends again. I don't know why it scares you, it shouldn't.

You know you're wired when...

Your old device becomes a paper weight for your desk.

Member Quotes

I feel so blessed to have this little gem implanted in me. When I think of the alternative it is quite overwhelming sometimes.