I am feeling guilty

I sit here reading your messages everyday and wish I could do more to help everybody including my hubby He also gets very down and I am trying my hardest to motivate him. It is now 5 weeks since he is had is difib/pacemaker fitted. Perhaps I am expecting too much - I try to get him walking a little bit everyday but I can tell he is worried about his difib firing. Any suggestions????

Sally

5 Comments

Hello Sally and Welcome!

by joy1 - 2008-08-20 02:08:07

Everyone has been right on. Tracy, especially, made the very best point...It's Not Your Fault! We all have to live or die with the hands we are dealt. Anger, depression, anxiety are just a few of the emotions heart patients go through. But for family and friends...it's almost worse. It is said that funerals are meant for the living. Often the emotional turmoil that family and friends are going through is just as bad if not worse than their ill relative of friend and often overlooked. All of you are dealing with the effects of living with a chronic illness. How you choose to do so will be unique to your situation.

A good place to start is by gaining knowledge. There is this site which is wonderful! There is also the Zappers site( www.ZapLife.org/ ) which is specifically dedicated to people with ICDs. Finding a local support group or a therapist or counselor is also a really good idea. Of everything, you are so important to him you absolutely need to take care of yourself! If not you, who will be there to advocate for him?
Find out what his upper settings are on his defib Get a heart monitor. They can be worn on the wrist, so he can see and help learn how to feel and monitor himself. walking in grocery stores where there is a cart to hold onto, there are alot of ways that you both can learn to be proactive and you will learn those things!

Having a heart condition is scary. Having an ICD is scary. But you are not alone in dealing with those fears. Many of us have had to deal with the same fears. Not knowing what it's going to feel like to get shocked is really hard. if and when it ever happens, then you'll know what it feels like and then you will worry about the when will the next shock happen...I think all ICD recipients have the same fears.

You'll make it,
Joy

You're doing your best

by Gonnie - 2008-08-20 02:08:39

You've probably never been here before just like the rest of us. I know I'm so new at all this & it is a scary place to be. But he'll gain confidence with each passing day & decide he doesn't want to curl up and check out of living his life! I never felt that way but have felt depression creeping up on me ever so slightly. I have a defib/PM combo and I still fear the 1st time the defib fires, but I've had it for 31 days now & nothing so far. I don't even completely understand what conditions would make it fire! But my confidence gets better everyday and I am so grateful for good medical care & the loving support of my family. Just keep loving him and gently pushing him to rejoin life. He'll thank you in the future! Take care!

Gonnie

HARD TO ANSWER

by pete - 2008-08-20 04:08:18

You must try to persuade him that if he just rests all the time he will lose condition and muscle strength which will not be good for his heart long term. Another words his defib is more likely to fire if he remains immobile. Just get him to do a little bit more every day whilst encouraging him, and telling him he is looking much better. Everybody seems to react differently to finding out they have a heart problem. It seems to stretch from depression to anger with eveything in between. Im just mildly annoyed. Cheers pete

keep it up

by Tracey_E - 2008-08-20 07:08:11

There's no reason for you to feel guilty! What he's going through is fairly normal so it's nothing you've done or haven't done. The worst thing he can do is sit around and do nothing, it's a lot easier to lose muscle tone than it is to get it back. Maybe talk to the doctor about physical therapy? That would force him to get moving and he might feel more comfortable about it in a supervised setting. Once he gets moving more, he will feel better both emotionally and physically. Hang in there!

Keep the big picture in mind

by Rogeroz - 2008-08-20 09:08:55

I had my ICD put in 6 weeks ago. I was very shaken and frightened at first but very grateful not to have "ridden on ahead" as they say. Each day is a bonus and I have convinced myself that the good work of a great medical team and this amazing technology has been done to get me back to normal and not to hold back on life.I'm walking for an hour most days and feel a lot better. I couldn't believe it when my cardiologist told me to eventually get back to the gym (where I'd had a cardiac arrest !) but, as time goes on, I'm coming round to the idea of a gym comeback to help my heart (slowly & gently this time round). As others have mentioned, there are special exercise groups around that set out specifically to help people like us. From my reading, we're more likely to have an event resting than being active.I hope this helps and please don't feel guilty, it's totally unnecessary and I believe no help to you or your husband.

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