Need your advice
Hi
I don't have a pacemaker myself but someone I love does. He has had it two years and he is 38 and it has been hard for him to except. I don't know what to say to him when he thinks about dying and having the pacemaker put in and how it bothers him sometimes. I want to learn more about how it feels to have one and what I can say to encourage him or ease his grief. We have known each other for a while and having this between has caused some seperation in our relationship. I just want to be more support for him.
Thanks
3 Comments
Need advice
by bettyjo - 2008-09-10 10:09:11
Hi
Thanks so much he did check out the website and saw my post on there....I hope he comes back and writes to you all. Right now we are totally seperated and it is hard to get him to talk to me about things I know in the past that I haven't said the right things...well I thought they were right but they hurt him. His pm was a total surprise he had a couple of fainting spells and they did the tilt table test and he failed he actually died for 13 seconds and then came back and they put the pm in the next day. I thought he would get closer to me but instead he went the opposite. I wish I would have been able to see the future because I would have gone to counseling to learn to handle things different. I just said what I thought was right and it wasn't. He is angry with me over what I said and he has to forgive me. I need to learn more about what he might have felt and when he feels comfortable enough to talk to me then I am ready to encourage and comfort. Thanks so much for everything and I am glad you are all here...God is awesome.
I hope he comes back. He saw my post and knew it was me......so I hope he doesn't get discouraged that I am seeking advice and won't get his own.
support
by lostinasong9 - 2008-09-15 03:09:21
I am almost 25 and just got my second pacemaker, the first was put in just shy of my 21st birthday. I am 89% dependent. Let me start with that because your loved one is on the younger side also. For me the hard part is knowing that with out this piece of metal in my chest I would be dead. BUT then I think how lucky it is that I live now and not a 100 years ago. Dealing is hard, but we have no choice. I took me a couple of years to come to terms this is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, how ever long that is. This is something I'm going to have to do every 4 years or so, I should get used to it. There are things in life you can control and there are things in life you can't. I can't control this, there isn't anything I can do other than go in with a positive attitude. I was sick for almost a year and I would never want to go through that again. I am not a sick person anymore, I am just a person with an organ that isn't functioning correctly. I am thankful everyday that things have worked out like they have.
there isnt anything that you can say that will make him come to terms with this. this is something he will have to do on his own. you just need to be there to support him and let him know that no matter what happens that support will be there
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what condition?
by Tracey_E - 2008-09-10 06:09:42
Why did he get the pm? How is his quality of life with it? Was he diagnosed suddenly?
I'm sorry to hear he's having a hard time accepting it after all this time and that it's coming between you.
Know that it is very common to have trouble adjusting to living with a heart that doesn't beat like everyone else. It affects your mind as much as your body. I try to remember that I've been given a gift. I would be dead without my pm, I am completely dependent on it. Would I rather not have it? Sure. But all I have to do is look around me, though, to see that I'm fortunate and it could be so much worse. I am thankful I have a condition that can be fixed so easily.
It might help him to know that a place like this exists and how many of us are out here living full, healthy, happy lives. I'm 41 and got my first pm when I was 27. I'm always the youngest at my doctor's office but around here I'm just average! We have pm recipients here in their 20's, college and high school students, parents of babies and toddlers with a pm. Go take a look at the member gallery, we look just like everyone else!
Two years is a long time to live with what sounds like depression. Talking it out, either with some of us here or a counselor, may help. Sometimes medication can help short term. He's lucky to have someone who cares so much. You can nudge him towards help and give him support but the desire to accept and move on has to be his. If he can't get there on his own, encourage him to get help.