What a wonderful group!

Hello guys,
Yes, it's me again.... I am trying so hard to lift myself up, but struggling still. Just wanted to thank you all for the good vibes coming my way. I am trying very hard, I just feel so drained of my energy, the energy that usually flows freely from my heart. I keep thinking this is so unlike me as. I keep thinking this will pass. I'm for sure developing a new sense of understanding for people who are suffering as I am... I can tell you that. Maybe that is the lesson I need to learn? I don't really know, but I am trying. I certainly appreciate the kindness you each have shown me, the hugs you have shared with me and especially the wine and chocolates! he he.... Thank you guys... that you so much. I will keep in touch..... no more crying for me.
love, Pacergirl
The spam filter reads and I'm not kidding you... epoof! ha ha, how I wish it were that easy!

4 Comments

For Pacergirl

by chillks - 2008-08-20 04:08:30

Hi fellow Kansan! Just checked your bio after reading your post and see you live in KS...so do I...Lenexa for me. Actually made me feel better to know others experience the lack of energy, too. I am just three months from heart attack and stents and just two months from pacemaker implant...but it has been a struggle. I am just now trying to work 3-4 hours every other day and come home exhausted...just may not be ready yet. This has been a real adjustment for me as it was all very sudden...fine one day and then wham! My whole life changed...I was a code blue upon arrival...but very lucky they saved me. Tough stuff to accept as mine was more genetic from my dad's side, but am first female. So, just wanted to say hi and if you are ever in KC area, let me know and we can get together. Fun to know a fellow Kansan!

susan

by jessie - 2008-08-20 08:08:03

sometimes we make mistakes. sometimes they are irreparable the damage. i think it is a learning process. life is learning. it is also choices. sometimes people take big advantage of other people even in families. it is just sometimes enough to be alive for another day. sometimes that is enough. we really only need ourselves. think about it. i hope you can somehow feel better. your friend jessie

tears.... again!

by pacergirl - 2008-08-20 10:08:14

Hi guys, I was feeling emotional... for awhile today. Almost gave it up to go cry in the bathroom at work! Well, I decided that just isn't who I am. I won't hide in any bathroom, especially the one at work. So I have a lot to do... so does everyone except the ones at the rest home. (no offense intended).
So tomorrow is a new day, I am attending classes at Wichita State University. The boss has gone on vacation (U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS!) and his classes begin the day he leaves.... so I "get" to go and fill in for him. At first the idea scared me half to death! Now... I just figure I might learn something. The one class in about the civil war and slavery. Very interesting material for many different reason. The other class is about love and sex! he he... should be fun don't you think? The 3rd class is "Men and Masculinities" I thought to myself... I like those subjects... hee hee, It should he great fun! So it appears to me that I can make the most of this or feel really dumped on... I chose the first... bring it on. I am getting old, I better learn about these things before it is too late! ha ha :-)

I love you guys, thank you for your support... it means so very much to me...THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
pacergirl

p.s. I will keep you posted on the class progress if you like! he he... should be great. Darn the luck the doc is only gone for a week! ha ha

Hugs 'n more

by Smart Redd - 2008-08-20 10:08:49

I too hope this will pass quickly and you will get back to yourself soon. It seems to me a hard adjustment from being independent to needing to rely on an 'alien force' that I can't control, but. . .

I believe that we make our own happiness in life. My girlfriends' dad had heart surgery and they felt that the doctor did more than fix his heart, he took Dad's soul. Their father came home, a shell of his former self. . . no warmth, no expressions of love through the last 4 years of his life. Personally, I think that was his choice. He no longer felt useful or in charge so he gave up on life. I prefer to appreciate what I do have rather than bemoan what I don't.

Nothing wrong with crying a bit now and then, but then let your soul, your faith, your friends (here and at home) lift your spirits up and do as much as you can handle. Then, let that be enough for now. Like a journey, recovery may start with one small step at a time.

Realize that I'm still angry and upset over my ICD implant and the way it was handled, but that is how I feel, not who I am. Feel free to be who you are. Much love and prayers.

Love, Red

You know you're wired when...

Jerry & The Pacemakers is your favorite band.

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