I'm new and scared.

I am a 49 year old female diagnosed with a 1st degree AV block since I was 17. I've lived a normal life for the last 32 years with nary a problem. In June I went through the gauntlet of tests including the event moniter which showed my heart rate dropped to 30 at 10:00 am in the morning (I was taking a nap). Right before Thanksgiving I was getting a flu shot at my husband's work and I passed out. My heart stopped, breathing stopped and I had a tiny seizure. I came back within seconds by myself as the nurse who gave my flu shot was still just looking at me. The worst part of that experience was hearing myself choking as I was coming back. Didn't go to the hospital as I thought I had just passed out. I didn't know about the heart stopping and seizure until I saw my cardiologist four days later, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. My doctor informed me that I needed a pacemaker and I was scheduled for the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. During my procedure I came to hearing my EP say "I'm losing her". My heart was perforated during the procedure and my pericardial sac filled with blood. I can remember intense pain, trying to breath and the chaos that comes with a team of professionals saving someone's life. Back in my room the pacemaker guy came in with his machine and I experienced the most uncomfortable feeling when he was checking to see if everything was where it was supposed to be. They kept me in the hospital for four days and I was released and felt somewhat okay. The next week I started feeling crappy and by Friday (a week after I was released) I was in my doctor's office with a UTI. After five days I was still running a fever and feeling bad. My doc switched antibiotics and spent the next ten days on the new antibiotic. I finally broke my fever but still ended up in the doc's office with an asthma flare up. My doc changed my asthma meds around to work better with someone who has heart problems. I am not sleeping (a side effect from the antibiotic), I am haunted by images from the surgery and have minor aches and pains from the surgery. I just want to feel better and I feel like I am grieving. I have this third breast which feels so foreign to me when I touch it. I want to get back to normal - but I have to figure out what is going to be my new normal. Immediately after my surgery I was so happy to be alive and felt like I had been given a gift. I stared death in the face and have been given another opportunity to let my loved ones know how much I love them. Now I feel like I am slipping down a slippery depressive slope. I want to learn to accept this foreign object in my body but right now I hate it.

FOR ALL OF THOSE WHO HAVE NOT HAD A PACEMAKER PUT IN YET:

What happened to me is not usual and if I had a choice I would choose to have the pacemaker. I lost a friend a year ago. Her husband heard her make the choking sound one night after they went to sleep. Unfortunately she did not come out of it - I did and for that I thank God.

Sorry for the long post I tried to keep it concise.

D

7 Comments

Welcome

by Pookie - 2008-12-27 03:12:27

Welcome to the club. You have just found the most supportive group!

I private messaged you....upper right hand corner of the screen....

Pookie

Welcome -

by ppt - 2008-12-27 04:12:05

Am sure you are scared - this is all new and you have been through quite a bit. For me it was an eye opener to realize I could have died. My pm was put in the day after Thanksgiving. I look at my pm as proof of what technology can do - without it I would not be here. So I treasure it. Now there is just so much to learn about it - but learning is fun .. like digging for treasure. This site is wonderful - so much can be learned. Welcome !!

Welcome

by WJ - 2008-12-27 04:12:59

Welcome to the world of the PM. I received my PM three years ago. The scary part lies in the unknown. Be sure that we will support you while you are getting uesd to the PM. (From my experience I can only say this - my pm is work fine I sometimes forget that it is even there. Remeber our lives are in the hand of the Living God).

New and Scared

by 220 chandler ave - 2008-12-27 06:12:18

I too hated having the PM stuck in my chest and it has taken me quite awhile to finally get used to this piece of titanium that my body had a time adjusting to. I have had my PM for 1 and half years and I now do not think about it as I once did. Hang in there and things will definately get better. They have for me although I sometimes wondered if I would adjust. God Bless You.

Sharon B

VARIOUS STAGES

by pete - 2008-12-28 03:12:03

Hi there, a lot of us know what its like to be through the valley of death and come out the other side. Ones reaction to a pacemaker implant can vary. I suppose mine went from feeling mildly annoyed that it ended with a pacemaker, to accepting it to feeling quite positive about it , after 18 months. I am sure you will get used to it as it is keeping you in the land of the living, and that is much better than the alternative. cheers peter

healing prayers

by Tracey_E - 2008-12-28 08:12:51

You've sure been through the ringer!!! I think it's safe to say that you've been through the worst and it's only uphill from here. Know that a bit of depression is perfectly normal after a cardiac diagnosis. Hang out here with us and vent all you need. If you feel like your slide down that slippery slope is getting out of control, please get help. Find a professional to talk to, consider medication short term to get you over the hump.

I'm 42 now, I got my first pm at 27. Many of us were close to death and the pm saved us, I'm so grateful to have mine. Once you recover from your surgery and complications, and get through this cloud of depression, you'll find that it only affects our daily lives if we let it. I find comfort in knowing my hr will never drop so low that I'll pass out while driving my kids or go into cardiac arrest while I sleep. I choose to see it as a blessing, a tool that allows me to live a full, active life. I hike, ski, am involved with my kids and own a business. Most who meet me have no clue that a piece of titanium keeps my heart going.

Scared

by Jonn - 2009-01-06 11:01:00

Hi Jalapeno-It's ok to be scared. I was when I had my pm implanted in December 2007 due to 3rd degree heart block. Yep your right-its a foreign object in your body-but keep in mind it's helping you. Its not designed to be your enemy or to work against you-think of it as your guardian angel looking after you as you sleep at night-keeping you safe. I know that it is a little unsettling having a pm but think what life would be like without it. It will only get better for you. Trust me, give it time and you'll see.
Good luck and happy new year to you,
Jonn

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Member Quotes

Yesterday I moved to a new place in my mind and realized how bad I felt 'before' and the difference my pacemaker has made.