Counseling for 16 yr old son pre-pacemaker


My son is getting his pacemaker on Nov. 20th for a CHB. He has recently started to act out in school and seems very angry. I know that he is scared about the up coming surgery. He is also dyslexic and struggles with grades as it is. He has always played basketball and many other sports, and is now to tired to keep up like he did. He has been changed into regular P.E. and seems to be taking out his anger on his new P.E. teacher as well. Do any of you know a good Counselor for him to see before and after his surgery. We are in the San Antonio, Texas area.

8 Comments

Son Getting A Pacemaker

by SMITTY - 2009-10-21 03:10:27

Hello Kschap,

I don't know of a counselor, however, I think I can understand how he feels and why he feels that way. No, I never felt that way because I was 71 yrs. old (9 years ago) when I got mine. But we have three sons that or 59, 56 & 53. When the one now 56 was 14 years old, we discovered he had a congenital heart disease which limited his involvement in many sports. In fact it was while playing football that he passed out for no known reason that led to his diagnosis. I can no longer tell you the exact diagnosis except that it had to do with blood flow through the heart and surgery for him was not an option as it was thought he would "outgrow" the problem. Which he did to a degree, but it was in those days after the diagnosis that my wife and I recall so very well.

Like your son, we thought he was angry at the world and I know he did some things we didn't approve of just to show the world he was able to undertake any physical activity he chose. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't. Thinking those days, I can see in your words some of then things we lived through with our son. And unfortunately, we never found much we could say to him that had much effect. Not that he was a disobedient son, just the opposite, if we asked him to do something he would without hesitation do it. But it was around his friends and not in our presence that the problems could occur.

There are several million people with pacemakers today. Some as young a few months old and some into their 90s and possibly 100s. If I could tell your son anything, it would be that having a pacemaker is not a stigma. It should be considered no more than a brace on a weakened limb, except a pacemaker will make him feel an unbelievable amount better. His fatigue will probably a thing of the past. Sure there will be some limitation on his activities for a few weeks, but after that he will be able to do almost any thing that does not include the risk of getting a direct lick on his pacemaker. We have some members here that talk about playing basket ball and possibly he will be able to do so in the future.

His doctor will have to answer that question for him as we are all different, But one thing for sure, whatever sports he will be allowed to participate in, he will be able to do them without the limitations of shortness of breath he has probably been experiencing in the past. As for anyone knowing he has a pacemaker, only those that he tells will know. Of course without a shirt it may be visible, but after the healing is complete, it will probably be almost unnoticeable.

Also, tell him the Pacemaker Club has more than 10 thousand remembers and a note to us will get an answer to almost any questions he may have. That is one thing he will learn soon, and that with a pacemaker comes many questions, because it is sometimes hard to comprehend how the thing is helping your heart. Of course his doctor is the best source of information, but he will be surprised how many of us have asked questions exactly like he has so some of us can probably help with an answer, Again there is a world of help here just for the asking.

I wish your son and you the best.

Smitty

PS: Just an after thought, I live about 125 mi. north of San Antonio on I-35, for what that's worth.

Thanks Smitty

by Kschap - 2009-10-21 09:10:56

Thank you for your insight. I am nervous about his surgery, but also hopeful that he will be able to return to everything that he loves. I am hopeful that his anger will subside and that he will see a great future again - without being so tired. He has a lot of great friends (some of which he too, gets in trouble with.) I think he's gonna do great... But you always question if your doing the right thing for your child, ya know...

good luck

by Tracey_E - 2009-10-22 07:10:08

A month is a long time to wait, to dread, to let the fear eat at you and grow. I assume you're waiting for school break? I think getting someone for him to talk to is a great idea. When I wanted a counselor for one of my kids, I asked the pediatrician. They had several that they worked with and recommended one based on my daughter's personality and needs.

I suspect this will work itself out after he has his surgery and heals and discovers he once again has energy for the sports he loves. I was diagnosed with CHB when I was 5 but didn't get my first pm until I was 27. That was a lot of years to build it up in my head to something a lot bigger than it was! I'd never had a surgery before or met anyone with a pacemaker (this was before the internet) so I assumed it was going to be awful. There are people who have trouble adjusting to life with a pm, some more than others, but for me feeling full of energy and being able to whatever I wanted without getting tired and dizzy eclipsed all of that. I was shocked at how easy the surgery was and how I much better I felt almost instantly after. I was like a kid in a candy store, buying roller blades and tennis rackets and all the other things I'd never been able to do before. I hope your son's experience is similar to mine, that he feels so fantastic that the rest of it becomes irrelevant.

It sounds like you're dealing pretty well but I'll throw this out for you anyway. I'm 43 now. I am a mom of two, a Girl Scout leader and volunteer at school, I own a business, I hike, ski, skate, work out- live a full, active life. Most people don't even know I have a pm, when they look at me they just see another busy mom. This won't slow your son down unless he lets it. A pm cures CHB and allows us to have a normal rhythm and a completely normal life. I'm grateful to have something so easily fixed.

Hi

by Gellia2 - 2009-10-22 08:10:30

Please tell your son he will be "normal".

I got my pacemaker when I was 26. I promptly went out and bought a horse! That I had never ridden before didn't bother me a bit!

That was over 34 years ago! I really don't feel I missed a thing in life and have had 7 replacements since. I have raised a family, traveled extensively, and yes, learned to ride, although I fell off more than I was on, I think.

Please invite your son here. There are so many wonderful PM people here that I'm sure every question he has can be answered.

We all pretty normal!

My best to you and your son!
Gellia

hi

by pacergirl - 2009-10-22 08:10:52

There is a lot of wonderful advice posted above and I would read it a couple of times if I were you.

Now, I would like to add something. When I got my pacemaker it was pretty much on an emergency basis. It was after the implant when I could actually "think" clearly that I showed signs of anger. The frustration of not having any control over my own body disturbed me greatly. I went through a period of time that no one wanted to be around me. Then I began to talk to other people like myself here at the pacemaker club. I couldn't locate anyone in Kansas at the time.

There are many teens here that your son will be able to "talk" to and he will find kids that he can really relate to.

Who knows his dyslexia may even get better. It's amazing how well the brain works when enough oxygen is getting to the brain. If your heart isn't working right... the blood doesn't always make it your one's brain.

In any case, I hope it all works out. Don't be a stranger, you have friends here.

Pacergirl

Hi i am almost 16 and i kinda know where he is coming from!

by JordanS. - 2009-11-09 10:11:50

I dont know a counselor but hopefully this will help him a little bit! I am almost 16 and had a month to wait before going to have my pacemaker implanted. I did freak out a little but my doctor sat down with me and told me that if i dont get some help it wont be normal passing out and unless you show a person you never met before....or doesnt know your story they dont have to know unless you show them your scar.
I pondered on this for quite a while and i realized she was right. I am not normal now how much worse can it get!
And boy has it been a blessing in disguise!!! Tell your son that he can still play sports he justs has to watch more carfully!! I got my PM 5 weeks ago and i started basketball today!!! Basketball is my life and i was really worried about not getting to play but he cant give up hope he just has to wait it out until he is released then he needs to understand when he is pushing himself to hard. I have a coach that just watches me which is kinda wierd but i know that if i need help it is there!

Tell your son not to give up hope and to think of it not as a disability but as a new chance at a NORMAL life! I cant wait its like a second chance...and i am not going to take it for granted!!!

Hope this helps!!! Good luck and please tell us how he does!!!

Thanks JordanS

by Kschap - 2009-11-10 11:11:27

JordanS -

Thank you, I appreciate your prospective. Basketball has always been my son's life as well. We just assumed that he would be playing through out his high school and possibly college years. He tried out for the team this year and was cut at very end. He just doesn't have the stamina he had before and I am hoping that the Pacemaker will help get him back to what he was several years ago.

I did find him a counselor to talk to. He is actually starting to get excited about getting his pacemaker. I will keep you posted on how he does. His surgery is set for Nov. 20th...

PM Patient since 3 Yrs old

by repwork - 2010-01-22 08:01:53

I have had a PM since I was 3yrs old. I have to this date already had 11 PM's, 2 open-heart surgery's, 1 throat catherization, and other operations. I would love to encourage you to let him talk to someone, preferably someone that has already been there. I will suggest my services, My name is Charles, I live in Georgia, I have worked for Lowe's for more than 15 years, and I can be reached at 229-809-3947. Thanks for being a great mother, because my mother acted the same way that you do.

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Member Quotes

In fact after the final "tweaks" of my pacemaker programming at the one year check up it is working so well that I forget I have it.