Last Procedure(s) have left me in pain & depressed

In May I went thru my 23rd -28th surgeries since 1993. I am 40 yrs old and received my 1st pacemaker in 1993. In May I began experiencing shocking and pain. I have a dual chamber pacemaker and am 100% dependant. I have been diagnosed with WPW (wolfe parkinson white syndrome). I had many complications this time. After so many surgeries the scar tissue was massive and the pacer had to be moved from the left collarbone area to the right, then immediately after surgery for that it was very clear that the wires were not in the right spot - I was having "hiccuping" for lack of a better word where it literally felt and looked like a baby was kicking in my chest. The surgeons (I had 5!) went back in and there was no other choice but to place the pacemaker in my abdomen and I also had to have a thoracotomy - where they cut about a 8" incision under my left breast to under my armpit, of course the left lung was collapsed also so the drs could place the wires. I am a very thin person so it looks like what I lovingly call a bomb in my abdomen. Things still aren't going too good. I am exhausted all the time and still in pain from 5 surgeries in 4 days. I AM thankful to the team of drs I have because without them I know I wouldn't be here today. I am experiencing pain still from 4 areas...1 where the original pacer was for years, the other from the right collarbone (where it was placed but didn't work), the location in the abdomen and the site where the thoracotomy was. Depression has hit. I know I can't live without this device but I am so tired of being in constant pain and I don't want to have to take narcotics - and I most certainly don't want to face another surgery but I know that I am looking at another very in-depth surgery to go in the top two arteries to clear out scar tissue and to remove 5 dead wires. I'm not ready emotionally. Does anyone have any great words of wisdom how to face this? My family and friends are so supportive but unless you have been there you just don't really understand - they try though but I feel like I should just pretend everything is great so I don't burden them any more. Especially about this depression. I know I should be thankful and I am but for the 1st time I am questioning "why me". Any feedback or advice you could share would be appreciated.

2 Comments

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by donb - 2010-10-03 11:10:04

Hello Eviewright, Why Me!! is a common feeling. I've had 4 PMs' since 1992 when I was 60 years old. I am one of the few fortunate members who has benefitted with many years of quality life. After going over so many postings I get mixed feelings of "why me" with so many younger members having complications where I have done quite well. I'm very thankfull to have had 2 excellant Cardiologists over the l8 years but also feel guilt as quite a few members of our group have not had the best of surgeons.

I did have an erosion problem in Dec 2008 which resulted in PM removal. In Feb 2009 a complete new right chest implant with another pair of leads. At this point of time I joined this support group which has been very valuable for me, many questions answered, which are rarely answered by our Drs'. The word is "Liability" as our Law people have invaded our medical field.

Getting back, I did have 4 surgeries in 4 months, a plastic surgeon had to do my old site restoration twice.
having the courage from this support group I had the courage to tell this surgeon I wanted my old bulky lead terminals and excess leads cut. Also the scar tissue pouch removed and padding implanted. It's great and I really enjoy my right side installation better even being right handed. I want to also impress the fact that you have the right to get answers from your medical people and their porcedures. Hopefully you will have many good PM years and enjoy many years of PM active life. donb

pacemaker

by gregnann06 - 2011-02-17 09:02:45

i fell for you i no that when you get shocked it is like a fist to the chest in sept 2 2009 got my icd on sept 5 2009 it imss read an shocked me 14 times in 15 min they tell me that every thing is fine but i got paper work that it was damaged so now i have to deal with more pain but with god all things are possible

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