Deppresion
Hey everyone,
I know I havent posted in a while but I may have been drinking a bot tonight so who knows. I'm still pretty depressed and a culmunation of things have pretty much landed in the woirst way possible. On top of that my mind wont shut up cant stop thinkning about anything. And im out of pills to help with pain and panic attacks. So tonihgt ive had two exsistential criseses. And now im kinda lost and alone and dont know what to do. Last time i felt this way thing got pretty dark and i tried to kill myself by overdosing on pain killers and sleeping pills. My rain hearts, my heart hurts and im slowly killing myself via guilt and insane over expectations the fail and i for some reason take to heart. Also can barely sleep now since every dream im being shocked over and over then i wake up and cant tell if it was real or not. Really i think im just going crazy at least the would explain everything. and if not then i dunno how i will change my realitly and what dark road that will lead down. till nex ttime,
Alex, 20 years old and hating it
15 Comments
help
by #1grandma - 2010-11-26 01:11:32
Alex
Please please make the phone call for help! Like Beach Boy said "there are many people out there that want to help you, you just need to tell them how you are hurting". It's hard to ask for help when you really need it, but most of the time even the closet friends and family don't realize how much your hurting. If you don't have anyone to call, go to the ER at your hospital or clinc.
Please know that you are a very special person and that we all care about you. Please let us know how you are. HUGS
Sally
Alex
by LS - 2010-11-26 09:11:32
My advice to you is to seek professional help ASAP.
Suicide is never the answer. If you are entertaining this thought, and have tried before, that alone is a cry for help.
I wish you the best.
Liz
Seek help
by Beach Boy - 2010-11-26 09:11:54
Alex,
It sounds like you need to seek help, ASAP!!!!
Understand that there are many caring,
and committed people who can help you.
I work as a Hospital Administrator at a Psychiatric
Hospital. We have successfully helped people to
resume their lives despite having experienced severe to
catastrophic events in their lives. We treat young people from 12 to 17, middle aged and geriatric people. All of them have and can get better.
Know that you have a purpose in life, and that things
will get better.
You have the support of everyone on this web site.
Beach Boy
Alex....
by pacergirl - 2010-11-26 11:11:18
It saddens me to know that you are out there in the world feeling so alone.
Beach Boy has given you excellent advice. I urge you to contact him. He is offering you hope. He has experience in these matters and you can get the help you need. All you have to do is ask. Beach Boy states quote "Understand that there are many caring and committed people who can help you." This is so true.
It does get better if you reach out.
You do have all the support of everyone on this seb site.
Now please get some help.
Pacergirl
yes
by jessie - 2010-11-26 12:11:17
alex...i think that at every hospital in major cities there is a crisis intervention nurse who can talk to you and direct you for help. even in the country there are outreach programs. it sounds to me like you are reaching out for help. in our area here there is a big problem with youngsters who have noone to talk to about the way they are feeling. know then that you are not alone. please make that call son hugs, jessie
Gratitudes ~ ~
by Carolyn65 - 2010-11-27 01:11:02
That there are sooo many people willing and wanting to help you. So many people who you would hurt so bad if you should continue to think in this way.
I quit all drinking 3 years ago, feel so 'up' and not 'down', and realize I have so much to live for and I have so much I can give to other people to make them feel good. People need you PacedICD.
There is so much YOU can give this world, help others, and be involved with other people who need help also.
The people, some of my own friends, who are not with our world now, only hurt the people who loved them and worshipped them. Whole families, communities, etc. have been torn apart by what just one person did. The broken hearts, the pain caused ~ please get immediate help so you won't be the one who destroys all the people around you who love you.
The low feelings you have now can be 'fixed'. This world is fun and we all have a lot of Thanks to give. We all need to take the time to hug someone and smile a whole lot.
Start your new day off with doing all of us and your Families/Friends a huge favor and get some medical help. May God Bless You and Teach You The Way ~
Wuv' You,
Carolyn G. in TEXAS ~ Give a Bear Hug to Someone Today ~
With You
by Blue - 2010-11-27 03:11:18
I suffer from depression which was heightened by the shock of having a pm. I had no support not even from my family. This week I am suffering again. My brain will not shut off and the simplest things upsets me. I feel isolated, unwanted and wonder why I am on this earth. I noticed in the paper one day an advertisement for GROW. 6 hyears ago, plucking up courage, I went to the meeting and am now an Organiser for my local group. GROW has a twelve step help to recovery programme. It is confidential and I found it saved my life.
I just searched ' GROW in America ' on Google. I am not up on the geography of America but was enlightened by the fact that they have a residentail help programme which is interesting and I wish we had that here in the state I live in in Australia.
Just part of my story how I manage my depression. Hope this helps.
You are a worthwhile person. We all support you and understand. Seek the help you need and let us all know of your progress.
Grow hugs and love
Billie
adding
by LS - 2010-11-27 05:11:12
Alcohol is a depressant. It's like adding lighter fluid to an already lit fire if you're depressed.
Lost my daughter....at 27
by Nikki_1 - 2010-11-27 09:11:46
From Alcohol and depression, come be my daughter I so wish I had her back. Pleae do not do that and please STOP drinking I tried that for a long time finally had a heart attack at 68, have a PM, will NEVER take another drink. Baby Girl there is life, and it is a gift, we are not to take our gift and kill ourselves, God cries so for the lost and lonely. I live in a hud apartment by myself...gets lonely and yet the urge to drink is just gone, I tried killing myself 4 times, you are NOT going unless he is ready for you, and obviously he is NOT ready for you, or me either. The heart attack was my last warning, I feel Blessed to be alive, there are places you can go, be among people, help someone who cannot help themselves, you just might find a MOM in a nursing home, I bet they are lonely, try it you will feel needed and so will they. God Bless you my child and I pray for your recovery. Alcohol is a depressant of the worst kind you feel good for awhile but belive me it is all there and worse the day after...you are loved except it..I know this is long but it touched me to read your story and all the people that are reaching out to you..that is LOVE !!
it happened to me
by eveie - 2010-12-01 12:12:30
last year a lot of not nice things happened to me .the p m and the loss of a member of family sent me into a downward spiral i had a complete nervous breakdown i couldnot see any way out.with help from doctors and meds i started the climb back to begin my life again.i try to keep busy helping at church.i still get my down days but i cope with it very well now.i enjoy my life and thank god for my p.m so please please seek help when you are out of that black hole in the light again you will be so glad you did sending a big hug
better days
by hellua - 2010-12-02 04:12:13
I hope you are feeling better today, sometimes life gets very hard but please hang in there, I am sending you peace and light-hope you feel it.
God loves you
by brokenheart - 2010-12-05 12:12:51
You are worth so much! Dont take your life. God loves you and is always there ready to help with open arms. If you ever need to vent im here for you. I have gone thru the same thing. And im sure lots of people on this site have gone thru depression as well. It was really hard for me to accept my pacemaker when i first got it and i cried all the time because i did not want it in my body. But i have learned to live with it and i am thankful now that i have it because otherwise i would not be alive. Sadness and depression is a normal process we all go thru when tragedy hits our lives...but its okay to be sad. Just dont end your life because you are worth more than gold...more than any precious stone...and Jesus loves you and so do I. Write me if you ever need to talk. God bless you.
Find your joy
by gerry - 2010-12-09 04:12:46
I have been where you are dear friend and first and foremost you need to find help. You cannot go through this alone. Reaching out here is a good start but reach out to others around you. Most people are happy to help, to listen and to give but sometimes they need to be cued. Don't be afraid to ask.
Alex, Please Dont !!
by Dede Terrace - 2010-12-10 11:12:55
Alex, Please dont hurt yourself. Concentrate your efforts on taking things a little at a time. Usually, things dont look quite so bleak after the night is over. I can tell you that my husband definately has the dream of the implant going off and he also has difficulty in distinguishing reality from dreaming. I dont know why this happens, but it does. You have absolutely got to find help for yourself. You sound like a great young man who is having some really tough challenges, but my prayers are with you. Never give up. A better day could be less than 24 hours away for you. You can do this.
You know you're wired when...
Your favorite poem is Ode to a Cardiac Node.
Member Quotes
I've seen many posts about people being concerned about exercise after having a device so thought I would let you know that yesterday I raced my first marathon since having my pacemaker fitted in fall 2004.
A Get Well Hugxxx
by helen - 2010-11-26 01:11:05
Im sending you a Get Well hug,And a special prayer,That God will make you feel much better,And hold you in His care.All Love Helen Christopher and All the Familyxxx