Here ya go Frank. Just as I promised

• by Angelie
• 2009-01-09 02:01:36
• General Posting
• 911 views
• 4 comments

This circulated around the net about a year ago. It took me a while to find it again. It still makes me laugh. I work in the medical field as well and have seen such bloopers in doctor's dictation. Too funny.

Working as a CMT (certified medical transcriptionist), I get to hear a lot of silly things a doctor might say during dictation. Here are just a few. Have fun.

"Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities."
*
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she
was very hot in bed last night.
*
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
*
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
*
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a
job as a stock broker instead.
*
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
*
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
*
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
*
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for
physical therapy.
*
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life
until she got a divorce.
*
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
*
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
*
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
*
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we
should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
*
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he
was feeling better.
*
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
*
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
had completely disappeared.
*
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in
1983.
*
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears
to be depressed.
*
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
*
Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
*
The patient refused an autopsy.
*
The patient has no past history of suicides.
*
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
*
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
*
The patient's past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
*
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
*
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
*
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his
airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
*
She is numb from her toes down.
*
The skin was moist and dry.
*
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
*
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.