A big thank you!

I just want to start by saying I don't honestly know what I would do without the support and kindness of the club members here. This journey is difficult and scary, it's demanding and there is very little satisfaction from searching the internet for answers to our questions. I mean, let's face it: what we really want to hear about is other people's experiences, not our doctor's automated responses based on internet statistics. Not that all doctors are that way. But with every doctor I have so far, only a couple of them over the years really appeared to care and would remember basic things about me or my condition. 

So when I had the surgery for my ICD, I found this club and just jumped in. It's a source of knowledge, wisdom, and long distance hugs from people around the world who "get it." And when my defibrillator kicked in last week, I climbed an emotional tree, spiraling downward with each passing hour. Being able to get online and type how I felt was critical for my healing process and my overall sanity. Then came the kind responses, some a bit more firm than others, but all very much needed and appreciated. It was exactly what and when I needed. Each message resignated with me, each sentence was a sign to keep going, keep trying, and don't give up on R2D2. 

 Thank you just isn't enough for how I feel today. I'm spunky, smiling, and feel as though last week didn't phase me. (We ALL know that's not true, but I feel that way today.) I got another sign from my Dad who passed away in 2018. Some of you may think this is weird, others will think it's cool... but the important thing is that I believe my Dad hears me and even helps me from time to time. We had a pact, when he died. We sort of joked around with the idea that he would be able to watch over our family, and I specified that since I rarely ever see an eagle here in this area, I wanted him to come as an eagle, that way I would know it was him. As a local photographer for many years, I yearned to get good eagle photos, but never could even see one. Well, shortly after my Dad passed away, there were eagles. Here and there, and especially when I called out to my Dad and wanted his help with something, or a sign that things were going to be okay. 

So yesterday, I took a trip to our bigger local town about 2 hours away from our house; the road follows the river all the way. Occasionally I will see an eagle or two, hoping to get some fish guts from the salmon fishers along the riverbanks. Well, I saw one eagle, then two more, and then I thought, "Gee Dad, if I see 6 eagles today, that would give me reassurance that I should leave my defibrillator on and be grateful for it." (My favorite number is 6.) I couldn't believe my eyes! We rounded another bend, and there....on the other side of the river, were SIX eagles!!! It floored me! I've never EVER seen so many eagles along our river, let alone six all at once! I took this as a miracle, a genuine sign that I will be okay and that Daddy IS watching me and looking after me. Things happen for a reason, and I need all the signs and wonders I can get!

My sweet boyfriend bought me a new laptop for Christmas, so as I type this, I'm using it and feeling really blessed. With my passion for photography, my 9-year-old laptop was freezing up so I couldn't trust it anymore. I require a laptop for my photography, so I was absolutely thrilled when Rob said he would buy me a new one. With my limited financial resources, I couldn't do it myself. But he always helps me with whatever I need, and in turn, I never ask him for something unless I really need it. 

I have a good life, and I'm blessed beyond measure. My daughters and Mom were pleased that I am feeling much better again and that I decided to keep the defibrillator working. Thank you ALL again for everything you said to contribute to my decision to keep it going. I appreciate it more than you know. Let me know if there is ever anything I can help you with, even if you just need to vent like me. 

Sincerely,

R2D2 / Janene

5 Comments

An important day tomorrow - good luck

by Gemita - 2023-12-13 20:14:44

You write beautifully Janene and made me feel as though I was sitting in the car with you on that 2 hour journey.  Did you drive, or did someone drive you?  I hope you stopped to enjoy the sights and to take some pics of those six Eagles.  What a truly amazing experience coming at a time when you most needed it.

I love photography too, but I am not a professional like you.  I have experimented with Adobe Photoshop editing and have spent hours in the past restoring old family pics.

I send my very best wishes for your consultation tomorrow.  Please let us know how it goes?  I hope they will give you time to ask questions and that you will come away with a better understanding of why the defibrillator discharged.  I hope you will also receive some reassurance that this can be better controlled in the future. 

Your recovery over the last few days has been astonishing.  You have had to face so many difficult painful thoughts (and decisions) and this I sense has already made you stronger.  Your Dad is indeed watching over you and will keep you safe x

Thanks Gemita

by R2D2 - 2023-12-13 20:51:11

I greatly appreciate your compliments on my writing, I hope to someday write a book about some childhood memories and maybe another on general experiences with living. I have often thought about all the things we are not told as we age, humorous, matter of fact details. I'll have to see about that. LOL!

I will most definitely let everyone know how my appointment goes tomorrow, as well as what exactly happened and how they are going to handle it. My appointment is in the morning, so by late afternoon I should be home and give the update. 

 

Change of heart 😘

by Lavender - 2023-12-14 08:16:16

As I said from the start-how you feel and think will change. It's a process we must go through as each day's events are put into perspective in time. 
 

Thank you God for answered prayers in sending peace and acceptance. 💚❤️

Glad

by atiras - 2023-12-15 16:56:19

I'm glad you're feeling brighter, and sorry that I may have been in the 'firm' camp in my earlier response.

Atiras, no worries

by R2D2 - 2023-12-15 17:15:46

I didn't join this club to always have my hand held. I joined it because sometimes we need to hear things we don't really want to hear. And it needs to be delivered by wise people with the best intentions. I can be very bullheaded to put it mildly. I'm a ranch girl, baby of the family, with a stubborn streak a mile long. But I also get things done. I encourage constructive advice as well as a smooth approach because I think... as we all know... this journey is difficult at best and we all need loving kindess and support even if we think we know what is best for us and it's really not. I cerainly don't know everything there is to know about pacemakers and the such, nor do I know everything about congestive heart failure and other heart related diseases. But I try to stay informed and listen to those who have more knowledge in the subjects than I do. 

I may even come across rather "unfiltered" and for that, I apologize if anyone is ruffled by my blunt comments. I don't mean to be, it's just my personality. 

As for feeling brighter... well, today I'm struggling to NOT THINK about the weirdness going on inside my chest. It's like I'm feeling EVERYTHING again like month one. Plus extra little goodies from yesterday's exploration session. I don't think my heart liked being put through it's paces like that. I KNOW I didn't appreciate it. LOL! 

 

You know you're wired when...

You always run anti-virus software.

Member Quotes

But I think it will make me feel a lot better. My stamina to walk is already better, even right after surgery. They had me walk all around the floor before they would release me. I did so without being exhausted and winded the way I had been.