My thoughts on therapy...

Usefulness of therapy

by Julros - 2024-03-08 20:39:27

Hi. I've thought long and hard about replying to your post. You may simply want to ignore this, but I would like to offer hope. 

I sense from your posts you really want to be in control of all aspects of your life, even though that may not be possible. You controlled the dosing of your medication, despite the expertise of your doctor. 

You say therapy won't help because you need to control the setting and what will and will not be discussed. You have determined that therapy will involve someone pretending to care about you. You have decided that a therapist will attempt to analyse you. 

Analysis, or psycho-analysis, is only one specific form of therapy. In my experience, the persons I've spoken with, whom I like to refer to as a counselors, did not try to analysis me. They listened. They helped me to reframe my outlook from one of hopelessness to actually looking forward to living my life. They coached me how to set limits and advocate without being hostile and angry. 

I admit, that video calls can be awkward at first, but that can be said about any new relationship. I think you deserve to feel better. 

Another avenue you could take is using a workbook. During Covid I was so angry and could not find a couselor. So I used a workbook for Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is similiar to cognitive behavorial therapy, but was developed for people with borderline personality disorder. It since has been used in other situations. 

 The book  I found helpful is The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical Dbt Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Disease Tolerance, by Dr. Matthew McKay, PhD. 

I wish you well, 

Julie

Talking therapy

by Gemita - 2024-03-09 05:24:01

Well you have certainly not held back this time Janene.  Your message couldn’t have been clearer, or at times, more disrespectful.  I certainly didn’t set out to “drain your battery” and I suspect nor did any other member of this Club.  That was an insensitive comment to digest.  Nonetheless, I respect your openness and honesty.  

The why seems fairly clear to me that the early warning signs of needing help were not followed up.  Now you are having to catch up, having to struggle to repair the damage that was done over a long long period without treatment. 

I get it about a therapist.  I always did.  Some of us can work it out on our own.  You certainly know yourself well enough to do this since I know you have come to terms with your condition and are more than prepared to “let go” when you need to.  Those who most care about you however, your family and partner, might be less willing to want to “let go of you" and that might be a difficulty that would need addressing.

I am glad that you are able to rely on yourself.  Self reliance is indeed a gift, something that I always encourage too whenever possible.  I would be lost without self belief, self trust, self reliance.  My family and I though did benefit from “talking therapy” at a time when I felt most vulnerable during a serious illness, even though I saw therapy as a personal weakness at the time rather than as support that might just help. 

It sounds to me as though your family and partner could be helped more than you from talking therapy.  Something worth thinking about so that whatever happens in the future, they will be better prepared and they will know your personal wishes too.  

Just my thought

by docklock - 2024-03-09 10:01:35

What works for me: LESS TALK; MORE LISTEN.

Thoughts

by Lavender - 2024-03-09 12:47:42

Control issues usually stem from fear. You want to be heard but not get input from professionals or anyone else. Thank you for making this clear. You might benefit from journaling your thoughts in a diary and reading it back. I'm going to refrain from responding to your posts so you are comfortable. Just allow this take of my thoughts on your comments:

I can fake it with people so well, they have NO idea that I am simply not enjoying their 12 minute conversation ... I find that everyone else drains my battery. 
I think that being authentic is important in any relationship, not faking it so well. Heaven forbid that my input would drain anyone's battery. 

I properly diagnose every thought and come to my own conclusions.

Again, a personal journal might benefit you to get through your own diagnosis.

My thought is, why would I want to sit across from someone that doesn't know me from Adam and spill my innermost secrets to them so they can make a living? They are paid to "care" about me. If I don't really KNOW someone, I don't feel comfortable telling them anything. 

As far as I know...you don't really know anyone here and yet, have told us a lot. You enjoy the anonymity, and no one has charged you a dime.

I can find my words and express myself very well, in case you haven't noticed. 

So... I appreciate your efforts in trying to reach out and help me, but as you can see, this is the only therapy that I want or need. 

This site does have professional people who read it -as well as people who spend tons of personal time listening and advising who have no degree other than a high degree of compassion and dedication. Professionals here cannot ethically counsel others. The only therapy you want is to write...you may want to do it to the only person who you truly trust-yourself. You don't trust anyone else and your anxiety/fear seems to be heightened when others advise you whether they're professionals or not. 

I wish you well in your endeavors and may God guide you along the way. 

Wait a minute

by Gotrhythm - 2024-03-09 13:28:50

I've been following your posts with some interest for a while now. I've never spoken up though because I can't share any experience with heart failure or a CRT.

Now, however, you're talking about something I have lots of experience with. I too am an introvert--many writers are (who else would be willing to spend the thousands of hours alone it takes to write a novel?) And I have lots of experience with psychotherapy, counseling, talking to a shrink--whatever you want to call it. So I can speak with the authority of experience about both.

Being introverted it not a reason therapy won't be good for you.

In fact, knowing oneself to be introverted is an argument for seeking counseling, particularly when we hit a rough patch.

Introverts need a sympathetic ear and caring feedback just as much as anyone else. But talking about ourselves is hard. We're not good at it. Most than most, we need and can benefit from having a trained listerner. Someone who knows how to draw us out. Who won't jump in, when we pause for a long time to gather our thoughts, but who is willing to wait until we can say what we need to say. Someone who won't tell us that their problems. Who won't go on for 20 minutes about their grandchildren.

It might surprise you to know that many therapists themselves are introverts.They like their job because it restricts the number of people they will interact with in one day. At any rate I don't think you'd have any trouble at all finding a therapist who will understand what being an introvert feels like.

What therapy does is give you a safe space with someone who will treat you like you and your needs are important, someone to help you think through what's going on in your life now and how to arrange your life so that your needs are met.

As I've said, I don't have experience with heart failure or CRT, so I have no words or wisdom about dealing with all the life adjustments that come with that. But you've written in other posts about how your challenges with your condition are are complicated by living on a ranch.

I grew up in a rural setting where the nearest hospital was 60 miles of country road away. I know how difficult and time consuming getting the simplest services can be. So much so, that it's often easier to decide to just "live with" whatever the problem is.

And I've also gotten out of the truck to open many a gate.And then climbed back into the truck to drive through it. And then back out to close the gate. And then back in to drive on. To do all that while experiencing bad chest pain? And then to be dismissed by your doctor with, "if it hurts, don't do it?"

If you're going anywhere you have to open the large, heavy gate. And yes, having opened it, you have to close it! How in the world are you supposed to follow the doctor's advice? I don't know. But I do think having someone to talk over exactly that kind of quandary would be helpful.

Okay, that's what I think.

But listen, whether you seek therapy--that's your business. Go or don't go. Just don't use your introversion as an argument against it.

Find What Works for You

by SeenBetterDays - 2024-03-09 13:43:54

Hi R2D2

Talking therapy is not for everyone.  Advice as to whether to go down this road can be taken or not taken.  That is entirely your choice.  I have used Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in the past and found it helpful and would have loved the opportunity for counselling therapy following my pacemaker implant but that's just me.  I am not you and only you know what feels right for you.

I relate to your comment about over analysis.  I am also highly analytical and can find a whole host of often unintended interpretations of a comment which, as you said, the person who delivered it has long forgotten - this causes me a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety in life so I can understand and empathise.

If you find that having a good vent on here is the best form of therapy then that's absolutely fine and I would be happy to think that this forum provides you with a listening and understanding ear when you need it.  You are going through a lot and expressing those emotions and frustrations on the page can be extraordinarily helpful.  It provides an outlet which can only be beneficial.

I hope that you see some improvements in your health soon and send you love and best wishes.

Rebecca

What Works for YOU!

by Penguin - 2024-03-09 15:13:01

That's fine. Thank you for explaining what you want / don't want and why. I respect you for being frank and fully understand your reasoning.  Therapy's not for everyone and to be fair, it isn't always successful anyway. 

Post away on here in any form that helps you. It's always good to read your posts and to hear from you Janene. 

Take good care of yourself. 

Nip this in the bud....

by R2D2 - 2024-03-10 17:52:51

Oh Gem.... I wasn't directing that comment about my battery being drained at ANYONE in this group. The problem with texting feelings is that sometimes we are misunderstood. This group IS therapy. You guys all fill my battery. I was referring to in person connections; out and about like at the store or gas station.