I need to vent

• by walkerd
• 2008-12-10 06:12:54
• General Posting
• 1026 views
• 3 comments

Hi all im kinda of down a little or scared dont know which. Im feeling a quite a bit better since my surgery and pm/defib aug and sept. All of my dr visits have been kind of on the negitve side from cardio not bad just negitve, I go in to the last one all pumped up for this stem cell reasearch that i have found that i might be able to take part in, and i took all the paper work in for doc to make sure none of the tests i have to go thru are safe i mean as safe can be with pm and the surgery, and they say oh yes you can do these im all fired up like i said and i ask will the test be safe for me to do yes go for it, then in the same sentence she says but i would wait as we are hoping that your heart may start beating normally with the med changes we have done. and its like whaaaaaaat, i looked at her and said you have got to be kidding me. dont get me wrong i love to hear this news but lets see you people have said nothing but on the negitive side since aug now that i have lost my job and then find something that has given me a little hope you tell me this. I shouldnt have got so mad as it was good news but my god why not tell me this three months ago before i lost my job. i dont get doctors at all, and like i said im not mad at the good news if that is what it is or they just dont want me to do the stemcell research not sure which now. but christ Im 51 i know that isnt old, have a heart problem, have had open heart, now where the hell am i going to get hired for what i was making before. Im not, even if the economy was good. no one is going to hire me. Im just scared is all, we are feeling the pinch of me not haveing a job right now is all and with xmas right around the corner it is even worse. My wife bless her works as much overtime as she can get but it still doesnt make up the difference of my old job. and i can see the frustration in her eyes, I feel like such a failure.